Guys I care about say I make them feel belittled?

I don't know what it is I do. But I could be totally into a guy, but he never seems to believe that I am. A few of the guys I've dated said they felt belittled by me. I don't understand what it is I do. I did the normal domestic wife stuff with my ex-husband. I would cook, clean, and make sure he got to be a man. I made sure he had his boys night. Tried to make sure he new I was there for him and I needed him. But I somehow failed. I always hear from my exes that I made them feel like I think I am better than them. I am a very driven person, with big goals. I do tend to be an over achiever, but that's just who I am. I never made them feel like they weren't good enough. I never compared, bragged or boasted. I don't understand. Is it difficult to be with a woman who is more educated, earns more, and is capable of taking care of herself in those areas? How can I stop whatever I am doing without sacrificing my goals in life and not run guys I care about away?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I could be totally into a guy, but he never seems to believe that I am."

    My suspicion is that this holds the key.

    "Tried to make sure he new I was there for him and I needed him."

    From this, it appears as though you know that guys need to feel like they are needed by their partner. But even though you might be aware of it, I suspect this is where you're falling down.

    Maybe it's the way you put that *you* would be there for *him* before that you needed him. I'm not sure. It certainly gives off the vibe that as a strong independent woman you're not really as in need of him as he might like.

    And a guy doesn't have to be majorly insecure, to feel that if a woman is too independent, to the point where she can get along just fine without him, then she can't really be into him that much.

    I would say that, in future, try to show a little more reliance on the guy. And don't be so quick to put yourself forward as his support mechanism. Try giving him the impression that he can be independent, and solve problems for himself, but that you need him as your support mechanism. (Even if you don't.)

    • Thank you! wow... I think this is the best answer to any of the questions I've ever asked.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe the type of guys you've been with is very insecure. I think it's interesting that you do domestic wife stuff. If a man is okay with you making more money than him, I think he is probably the kind of guy who would not expect you to do all that by yourself.

    • He wasn't OK with it. why we had problems

    • Then I think you need to be open about the issue when you get serious with a man in the future.

  • I think the first step would be finding out what exactly it is that you're doing.

    • They never tell me! That's what is so frustrating and I ask too!

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