Do you think this man will decide to marry this woman if she stays ?

I have been thinking a lot about you, and am beginning to feel like I have become an obstacle in your life. I never wanted that to happen. Maybe I was being selfish for not wanting to let go of you, but I was honestly trying to make the relationship work, with hopes of moving it toward marriage. It is not like I have never thought about spending my life with you and your daughter. I just can't force myself into marriage. I am to afraid to move out of my comfort zone and take a that chance. It should feel right and natural. I had hoped that over time it would. You clearly are not happy with the lack of progress in our relationship. I want you to have the relationship that you want with a man, and I clearly am not able to give you that. I would stop contacting you if I must, but it will not be easy, for I think about you all the time, and it saddens me to know that you will not be there for me. There will be a big hole in my life without you in it. You should feel free to create the relationships that you desire, it is only fair because I cannot give you the committment you desire

Here is something he sent me prior to the previous post.

"I don't really know what to say. I care about you so much. You have challenged me in ways that no other person has. You have a great determination to get what you want. As you know, I am very indecisive. I do not like to make decisions. My life just happens. It is created by commitments that I make to relationships and to my values. We both have been very committed to our relationship, yet we are so very different".
After two years of I love you's and daily communication via phone, text and often email. Christmas's and Birthdays spent together and getting to know my child this man writes this..

I know that life is about change and people change but what in the world actually happened? I am still wondering ,did I do the right thing by asking him not to contact me again? Maybe I was rushing something that I should have waited a while longer for. It sounds like he loves me but he never even wrote it out...


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know about marriage, but if you really love him, you should stay and if the love is enough, it will eventually prevail. Another thing you need to ask yourself though is if he is still in love with you, make sure he isn't just trying to let you go easily. If you know that he is still in love with you and you know that you are still in love with him then stay, one day he is going to realize that he can live without either you or your daughter, if he decides to marry you then will be his choice.

    • Love without actions is like words without actions. All that he has written is heartbreaking however when given an opportunity to change the status of our relationship he has given me little reassurance. He previously wrote " I am indecisive" this is a 40 year old man ...It feels as if he is no longer in love with me but that he needs me to keep from being lonely. If he were in love with me it seems he wouldn't want to give me up at any cost. I have waited two years for definate evidence of that

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    • Agreed! That has most certainly come to my attention!.. Thank You!

    • No problem.

      Hope you find peace of mind.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • WHAT? "IF SHE STAYS"? Totally lost..o.O

    • Should she really just walk away from the relationship? They were together two years & hundreds of miles apart. This isn't only about marriage its about him suggesting simple things like that she move closer. That didn't happen in two years. They were together less than a month ago. He mentioned being concerned about giving up his friends to be in a relationship with her. She loves him & has tried to be patient. This moment its down to goodbye & her heart is breaking. Is she wrong for leaving now?

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    • Oh..I think I know who this is..user name begins with "Q" and you are friended with me? seriously need to tell him that you want to get on with your life..with him if possible...but to let you go if he does not want to get serious...tell him RIGHT AWAY..>:(

    • Yes, its me...again...just trying to get clarity.

What Girls Said 1

  • Have you been complaining about your relationship to him (complaining about him to him)?

    It sounds to me like he feels like you are pressuring him and (I hate using this word) nagging him, maybe.

    I know when feelings are involved it makes things very hard, especially when you are ready to get married.

    At this point, if you do want to move ahead with this man, you will need to give him his space.

    His letter is sort of a cop out. He basically says he cares about you a lot, but is not willing to take it to the next level -- out of fear (fear of the unknown).

    How long have you been seeing each other?

    • Thanks. We've been together two years. I have told him that its been two years & he tells me he loves me on the phone but in person he didn't say it and didn't discuss a plan for our future together . We are both 40 live almost 900 miles apart & he knows all about my child & had developed a relationship with her too. I have always wanted to move ahead w/him. I have loved him from the start. Sadly I have decided to give him a lot of space & told him I need to heal from this. We arent' talking;(

    • I am sorry to hear that. From what he wrote, it doesn't sound like he will change his mind (of course I could be wrong). You can't wait around forever. You are making a tough choice.