Is it wrong to go for a guy who has a girlfriend even if it feels the right thing to do?

We met several years ago on a dating site. After the first time we met I thought he was a great guy but I didn’t feel attracted to him physically. Anyhow we got on very well and we shared so many things in common that I realized straight away that I would love to have him in my life as a friend. So when we met next time I made it pretty much obvious that I see him only as a friend and seems like he has got the point as he didn't flirt anymore and been treating me as his friend since then. We have been meeting up randomly for a catch up drinks over next seven months or so, spending hours and hours talking and laughing, genuinely having a great time as friends. Later that year we kind of drifted apart for quite some time but still were keep messaging each other once in a while. After several months without seeing each other once again we hooked up on MSN and he asked me to meet up for a drinks. During our conversation he mentioned that he started to date a girl but I felt he doesn’t really wants to discuss it so I just dropped it and we never spoke about it anymore.

But somehow situation changed and each time we would meet he would get more and more flirtatious with me. Even so I never showed that to him as he was in relationships now, I felt that I see in him more than just a friend. I really started to fall for this guy even so I never expressed the way I felt, treating him exactly the same way as I was before.

Now I feel everything is out of my control. We grew up even more closer, our catch up drinks look more like a dates now. He is taking me for a night outs in the fancy cocktail bars or arranging to meet up somewhere where we can enjoy some live jazz as we both are big fans of it…On a very last night out he insisted to settle the bill by himself even so I always insisted to pay for myself in the past and was constantly holding my hand, playing with my fingers, getting all feely touchy around me.

I know he is still dating this other girl as he does mention her on a very rear occasion, but I have no idea what’s going on there and how close they are as a couple.

I was always pretty much sure that I would never do something like that in my whole life but… I really want to take my chances on him and I think I made a terrible mistake dismissing him as a “potential boyfriend material” just because of my shallowness. Basically I was judging book by its cover and now I felt for personality.

Main question for me is… does he playing me around in order to get some “fun” on a side or it might be something more meaningful in that?! What would be the right thing to do?! Please help…


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What Guys Said 1

  • Wait, when he was single, you didn't want him, but now that some other woman has him, you want him? Why? What could have possibly changed about him from before he had a girlfriend to after him having a girlfriend that you now are into him?

    Personally, if I had feelings for you but you only saw me as a friend until I found a woman, I'd lose respect for you instantly and drop you as a friend.

    The right thing to do is respect his relationship. That is what a FRIEND does. You had your chance, you didn't want him as a boyfriend before you realized another woman somewhere in this world decided he was attractive.

    • I clearly see your point but trust me the way how I feel about him now not because he has a girlfriend. I fully understand the boundaries.Thing is, sometimes you don't fall for somebody from the very first sighn...its just building up inside you, making you all confused till the point of time you realize its more then just a friendship. Don't know if it makes any sense...i am not very good at expressing myself when it comes to my feelings. But I do appreciate the feedback,i know what you mean.

What Girls Said 1

  • the right thing to do is to respect his relationship and just stay in the friends zone. if you have morals you would never go after a man who is in a relationship


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