Dated someone and realized afterward it was a mistake

I dated this guy for 9 months. I really liked him but never felt in love with him. But there was never any fighting so we never had a reason to break up. When we did break up it was because he was pulling away. Now that he is seeing someone else and looks way happier than we ever did I look back and realized all the red flags that we had. I'm so mad at myself for spending 9 months with someone that I truly never really loved. Has anyone else ever had this happen to them? And how do you forgive yourself? I feel like I wasted almost a year of my life never being really into someone.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Let me guess:

    he was a genuinely good guy, decent (or better) looking, had excellent character, bf-material...



    ...but no "spark", right? And you felt guilty because he's a really good guy and that you SHOULD like him, but you tried to force it?


    At least now you know, that you cannot "manufacture" the spark needed in romance. It seems like every girl meets a guy like this; ticks all the boxes for a good boyfriend EXCEPT that butterfly-inducing, heart-fluttering emotional feeling for him.

    Then she feels guilty because she hears about good men being hard to find, and there is one, but she doesn't emotionally feel for him.

    Dont beat yourself up for this. Consider this a lesson learned. The spark HAS to be there relatively soon, and even the most idealistic character traits in a guy cannot makeup for this.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Do you have pic of yours wen you were a baby girl of 6 months or a year?

    I bet you looked cutie. Just grab that photograph and look at her.

    How innocent you are. So cute. Won't you forgive her if she made a mistake? You will.

    With the passage of time, we are so hard on ourselves that we can't just forgive ourselves. Don't do that.

    You are still that baby girl. Only difference is the body that has grown and now you look beautiful instead of innocent and cute. So wat?

    If you choose a cloth with wrong fitting, do we punish ourselves mentally? No. We just get over it eithet laughing or throwing that in garbage or both.

    So just forget it and forgive that little baby girl. :-)

    • Oh wow! I really liked that outlook. Thank you!

    • You're Welcome...Lady...:-)

  • You just forgive yourself. LOL what, you thought you were gonna go through life without ever making a mistake? Of course you didn't, so forgive yourself, learn from the experience, so the next time, you know what to look out for and what to avoid. Of course you aren't the only one this happened to, some of us spent years of our lives wasted in an empty relationship.


What Girls Said 2

  • i feel the same way. my ex and I were together for 10 mo and the whole time I knew he wasn't over his ex, but he insisted that he was. there were SO many red flags that started in the first month of our relationship, and I kept ignoring my gut instinct to leave him. I did try a few times but he would cry and beg for me to stay, so I did. I trusted he was over his ex, but it turned out he left me for her just after our 10 mo mark.

    i'm so mad at myself for not breaking it off when I should have, which was just after a month into the relationship. I feel the same way, that I wasted all that time, spent a lot of money and energy and did everything to make him happy and then things turned out like this. I was never in love with him because of my gut instincts but I did love him in a way, and I still do.

    how to forgive yourself? just take it as a learning experience. I've learned to stop ignoring red flags and listen to my gut. NEVER ignore the red flags, especially if there's more than one!

    • Thank you! Everything you said is excatly how I was feeling and thinking. Its good to know I'm not alone.

  • Don't regret it. You still gained valuable relationship experience that will help you for your next relationship. Everything happens for a reason and to teach you something. Even if the only thing you learned was not to settle for anything less than real love.


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