Very simple: How to find a girlfriend?

Ok, so I have all the confidence in the world to meet a girl. I'm 19 and haven't had a girlfriend. I've dated many people, but for various reasons it hasn't worked out. I try to meet girls wherever I go. I'm very very very picky when it comes to girls because I know my own self worth and won't sell myself short. I'm athletic, cute(many girls have said this...), smart, funny, set for the future, and laid back. I have dated some amazingly attractive girls and even some just average girls...but the reason I date someone is for their personality. I can't find a girl whose personality completely meshes with mine. The first two things I look for in a girl: 1) Athletic 2) Humor. It's hard for me to find both.

Anyway... what are some tips to get a girlfriend after you meet someone you actually want to date? What are some tips to find cute, athletic, funny, and smart girls?

I may be asking for too much, but I want my girl to have all of that. I've only found one girl in my 19 years that I have loved because she fit every category I have every wanted. But we were in different places in our life and I triend getting commitment too fast and it scared her off :(
My first question was poorly worded. It should read "Once you start dating a girl you really like, what's the best way to make it progress to a relationship?"


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you're expectations are WAY too high. It's good not to be a push-over and let girls walk all over you... But you just seem to be extremely superficial... Like, over the top.. You need to RELAX! Finding a girlfriend is NOT supposed to be this hard.

    The Steps:

    1.) You need to start off by finding a girl you are physically attracted to. This doesn't mean she has to be drop dead gorgeous, this just means that there has to be something about her that draws you to her.

    2.) Once you find THAT girl, strike up some conversations with her.

    3.) Once she seems to feel comfortable with you and LIKES you (that parts important..) ask her out.

    4.) When you go on a date and you guys are getting to know each other better, DO NOT list all of the things you're looking for in your girlfriend! If the topic comes up, just simply say, "I'm looking for a girl who gets me and I can connect with." Because essentially, that is what you're looking for. Instead of trying to make a girl fit your expectations make your expectations fit the girl!

    5.) Voila! You've found yourself a girlfriend!

    6.) If, for whatever reason, things do not work out between you and this girl. Start over beginning with Step 1.

    I'm sorry but it is near to impossible for you to find a girl who literally has EVERYTHING on your wish list...

    • Steps 1-4 are easy for me. It just doesn't end up getting to step 5 ever.

      And I'm not superficial. I'm not looking for a model. I'm looking for someone I'm attracted to who also fits my personality requirements. I'm looking for someone who I'd want to be with for years. I literally need someone who is smart. I'm athletic and loves sports/activities/working out so my girl would have to be and like those also. And I joke about everything so the girl would have to be able to laugh at any topic.

    • And about "everything" on my wish list... one girl did. Her name is Megan. I miss her so much. She was everything I could possibly wish for and now every girl I meet has to live up to her standards. She makes me not want to settle because I know there are amazing girls like her out there and I want to be with one of them. Well, I really just want to be with her but that won't happen at this point... but you get the idea. I want to be with someone amazing.

    • I said "near to impossible," not that it was definitely impossible that you will find the perfect girl and are you really willing to be alone for all of those years until you find this perfect girl? I didn't mean that you want a model as a girlfriend, just that you need to be a little more lenient with your expectations. Try to think of what you NEED in a girlfriend and then think of what you WANT in a girlfriend. The two are similar, but they're not the same. But all in all I wish you luck!

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What Girls Said 2

  • first, your full of yourself. second, you might have to wait awhile for your dream girl. But you seem genuine enough, so id say when you meet her, try relaxing then proceed casually. but lovingly. and don't get too excited, don't profess how good you'll be together. because that girl, that only girl that your so crazy about, might be crazy about someone else. but, it should happen to you in time. just be cautious.

    • Not full of myself. Trust me, I rip on myself every chance I get ;) but I don't try to profess my love to people or anything like that. Just with that one girl I loved, I wasn't thinking and tried getting too serious too fast. I regret every second of it. I wish I could find a girl exactly like her in every single way. But it won't happen :( I don't cry about anything really. But it's been 9 months since I've seen that girl and I'll still cry if I think about the great times we had :/

    • sorry about that, being to hard on you. You sound like my boyfriend, what he says about me:) He says he'll cry and always will think of me when he will die. I do hope you find another one, even if it's just close to the other.!

  • If you want to find girls who are athletic and good humored, why not scout out a gym? If you're confident enough you should be able to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive and from there you can find out more about her.

    As for the best way to make progress to a relationship, do your best to avoid things that will land you in the friend zone. Also, try taking it slow. Ask her out for some drinks or dinner, treat her nicely and she'll want to go on another date. By the second date you should know if she actually really likes you. If she does then tell her how you really feel about her.

    • I think I'd feel weird trying to pick up a girl at a gym... they are busy working out and it might be a tad creepy haha

    • True, but that never stops people from ever trying! lol

What Guys Said 2

  • well sounds like it's only a matter of time for you. you thinking is in the right place, looking at athletic, and humor first, and knowing what you're worth is very good. a lot of times you know when the right girl comes along, just because you mesh so well.

    there's really no tip for getting a girlfriend after you find a girl you want to date. you just let it happen and see if there's a connection. you might be expecting too much too fast also at the initial dating stage. you need to give people a lot of time to get to know them well, in order to see if they are somebody that really interests you.

    you need to make sure you're standards aren't set too high and that you're not nitpicking every flaw that rises to the surface. if you're too concerned about any minor flaws and become obsessed with them, no girl really stands a chance. don't go out guns blazing trying to find a serious relationship from the start. let it build up to that. lower your expectations on what will happen in your dating progression, and treat each one as if you're getting to know the a little more. the dates don't have to lead to an ultimate girlfriend, and sounds like you might be putting too much pressure and expectation on what each date means. just find someone that interests you and that you can care about, and build from there.

    • I agree with the last part.

    • I'd like to think it's only a matter of time, but the more time that passes makes me think something is wrong with me. I agree I need to not get so attached and lower the expectations of where the dating is going... just go out and have a good time.

      My standards are high, but it's not like if the girl has a freckle on her nose that I'd ditch her haha. High standards aren't just about looks to me.

  • 1)cute [presuming above average]





    To be frank with you, I think that you're letting your ego [that's been fed by others] get to you and set your standards too high.

    Out of those 4, which one are you willing to sacrifice?

    Personally, I think the hardest contradiction on your list is "athletic" and "smart". Most people in their youth and teens tend to hone one skill over the other.


    One girl may have spent most of her youth/teens honing her "smartness" (reading literature and books, watching educational shows, watching movies, being involved in the arts such as theater or graphic design, being into science such as engineering).

    One girl may have spent most of her youth/teens horning her "athletic ability", by playing outside on the monkey bars, playing for the bball / softball / soccer / volleyball / track / swimming team, working out at the gym, eating well to be at peak performance)


    Which would you more prefer; an average (as in not anorexic or obese) built brainy female, or an athletic sporty female that doesn't have as much "intellectuality"?

    I think once you can answer this above ? and commit to the answer you gave, your search will be a lot easier. 8-)

    • Can't I find an athletic smart girl? I'm not saying she has to be a genius, but I need someone I can connect with haha. And I want someone athletic because I find that attractive and I want someone I can go play basketball, golf, run, swim, etc... with.

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    • Are you sure you're searching area that have physically active ppl, such as gyms, sports clubs, etc.?

      Where do you live, QA?

    • See that's the problem. I'd love to go after girls in gyms but I woul feel awkward doing it. I'd have the confidence to do it, but I'd feel a tad creepy... she might think I'm there only to get a girl. How would you suggest getting a number from a girl at a gym?

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