We were driving home from the movie theater and joking around. I casually said that my mom made a joke about him being a stalker because he said that he loved me before we were even dating. He freaked out and swore asking me why I would tell her that and backhanded my thigh really hard. Then he goes "how would you like it if I told my parents your dad used to sexually abuse you?"
I was crying and told him that wasn't even the same and that I couldn't believe he just hit me. He was apologizing and at first saying he just meant to flick me. Then was saying it was an accident and wouldn't drive me home. I just kept telling him to take me home. Over and over. He was crying and refused to take me to my house so I got out of the car and walked.
He showed up at my house and wouldn't f*** off. We eventually talked about it and he was saying he didn't know why he freaked out but that he wouldn't do it again.
His dad used to hit or choke, etc. him for no reason and he didn't talk about it ever. He has difficulties sharing his emotions with people - even me. Like he's been working his ass off at work - not even taking breaks, training someone and doing ten hour days six days a week and as a result is extremely tired and stressed but he wouldn't tell me what was going on until I freaked out at him, and he was crying before he told me what was going on with him.
So he holds in his emotions all the time and was abused as a kid and never dealt with it. I'm trying to get him to see a therapist because I want to be with him.
He randomly freaks out fairly often - he's grumpy quite a bit but this is the first time he's hit me. And it scares me because he's a lot bigger than me so a punch from him would basically knock me out. We've been dating a year and I love him but I don't necessarily feel safe with him like I did before after last night.
What should I do? Opinions/stories/advice?
Most Helpful Guy
I'm going to write the minority opinion on this one. He clearly needs some help managing his emotions. It seems to me that if you really like the guy and that seems to be the case, you need to get his iron clad commitment to getting professional help. He's clearly too busy for his own good but jobs are hard to find. If he'll get some help, then maybe he's worth another chance. You have to make the call. One thing is abundantly clear: one more incident like that and you're gone. No discussion, no conversation, no nothing and he has to agree that anytime, and that means ANYTIME, you demand to be taken home, he complies, right then. I almost more concerned that he kept you in the car against your will. You're in a tricky situation. Your call but take it all into account. I abhor domestic violence and this is one form. I'd also probably tell him that you get to share whatever you want with your parents.2