Is it fair to date a guy when I can't kiss him or do anything physical? HELP PLEASE

I'm 18, and I've just started going out with this guy who is three years older than me. He's a really nice guy. The thing is, I don't want to kiss him or anything like that. I was abused as a kid, and as a result I'm scared of physical contact (the guy I'm dating doesn't know about the abuse. He just knows that I don't want to do anything physical). I told him that I would be OK with holding hands, but that's it, at least for a few years. He said he didn't mind at all. I find it strange that he'd still want to go out with me even though I don't want to kiss or anything. Is this normal? I told him that he should date someone else, and he said he wanted to date me. Is it fair of me to date him when I can't be physical with him?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's a good guy (because he respects your boundaries) that cares about *you* and not just your body. He wants to have a relationship with you and not use you for sex. He's willing to wait because he wants to do things right, and make it good, when that happens.

    Considering your history, I think it is a good thing you met this guy. It can be an opportunity to see that not all men are the same.

    Going slow is a good idea. When you become close enough to him to feel safe with sharing your history, you may want to do so. I think very poorly of professional help since most of the people I've known have come out worse than better... but it probably wouldn't hurt to start googling self-help literature about how to overcome this issue in your life. Of course, use common sense, as always, when reading *anything* off the internet.

    • Thank you, this was a kind and helpful answer. I basically just wasn't sure whether I should let him go so that he could find another girl he could be physical with. I thought it might be selfish of me to date a guy I couldn't even kiss. Thanks for your help.

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What Guys Said 3

  • you just met a guy who is willing to hold hands with you and do nothing more for a few years, I think you just found your soul mate lol

    • There are plenty of decent guys like him out there...just because you may not be one of them, doesn't mean they aren't out there.

  • At the outset, he seems to be a nice guy who is caring and really likes you while respecting what you want. He may also believe that you are just being frigid and may open up after a while. Afterall it's natural to need physical intimacy after a while and he may get uncomfortabel at that time while also beginning to believe that you don't trust him and / or you don't find him attractive etc.

    BUT you require to do these things first.

    1. See a counsellor for yourself

    2. Talk to this guy and tell him why you don't want physical contact and that you are seeing a counsellor cause you care about him and his feelings (after checking with the counsellor)

  • It's not fair. You should be in therapy, and get well, before you enter the dating world.


What Girls Said 1

  • You need to tell him why.

    You need to see a counselor.

    You should be careful about this guy. People who have been abused tend to end up with more abusers.

    It is odd that he would say he is okay with your lack of contact.


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