We just started dating but we're not sleeping together (anymore)

I've been dating a guy I met online for a couple weeks now, and there has been a total of three dates. The first one was drinks, and we slept together; the second one was dinner, but he had to call it a night to finish some work before he flew to the south early the next morning...we made out to say goodbye; the last time, we saw a movie (during the day), had coffee and walked through the park, and we just hugged. Every time we part ways he'll initiate plans for next time, and he'll text me. He's super busy, flying everywhere, all over the world for his job, but he makes time for me. I love that he travels so much, because he sees a lot and we have really interesting conversations about it, and I want a low-maintenance kind of thing.

What baffles me is why we're not physically intimate anymore. Time/scheduling doesn't seem to permit, but he loved how I was in bed the first time we saw each other...my first suspicion was that he's seeing other women, but I'm not sure that's the case, since he's always on business trips and has a day or two in our city tops. While I can't say we're exclusive, I'm not too worried that he's aggressively dating around. I'm also kind of relieved that there's no pressure to put out, even though he pays for everything.

What's going on here?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with HardAppleCider, talk to him.

    It could be anything from he knows what your like in bed, he's getting it somewhere else, to he's just plain knackered.

    Speak to him. Arrange a date like the first you had. Go for a meal and drinks, something initimate and romantic. Be brave and suggest going back to your place - the man shouldn't make all the moves - and see what happens from there.

    You never know... If he's chatted up enough you might not even make it home...! ;)

    But in all seriousness, this is one of those, we can guess and make you feel a million times better or crying in bed questions. We cannot tell you the true answer. Put yourself in his shoes after all!

    One thing to think about...how have his past relationships been if you know? Maybe you should ask him if you don't know? Like, have you ever made a relationship work before kinda question?

    Best of luck hun

    • Augh, thanks for the response! it was well thought out...

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    • Aww thanks, I'm calm though :3 just confused. I really like him, he treats me well, so I don't have much to complain about. Thanks though!

    • Thank you for BA! Keep us/me posted on how you do!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • i don't know he sounds really busy , I used to have a job that involved traveling and made time to do things when I was back home . I never dated any of the girls I meet when on the road but it is possible to meet people when in other cities for short times . I used to go to the local hot spots like pubs and bars and found it surprisingly easy to meet people . but I never dated them cause I was only there for a week or 2 and then on to another job . its not really possible to date girls from other towns when your there for such short times

    • that's reassuring. he lives here normally so I don't think that really applies to me.

  • Sounds like he's half assing it...
    Busy schedule is probably a factor. But, if he was really head over heels excited, I don't think he'd be acting this way.

    It sounds like you would be OK having a relationship without expectations (fun, physical, available but maybe not super serious) but does he know that?

    I can say, as a guy, and a nice guy at that, I worry a lot about giving a girl the wrong impression.
    I don't "fall" for a girl easily but I've dated plenty of girls that I have really enjoyed being around. The problem is that I always worry that she is going to develop stronger feelings than I intended and that there will be some expectation that I'm feeling that too.

    It's funny how easy it is to fall in love, you just have to let it happen. But, it's complicated as hell to be "casual"

    • I see, so you think he's just trying to keep his distance? Sometimes I think his life might not be set up for a relationship, because he's out of town during the week 9 times out of 10; we met online, and he's only online sporadically...I'm in the same place with the amount of work that I have to deal with so this set up works for me. I'm holding back because he seems to be as well, but I can see myself getting serious about him...

    • I would say, feel free to contact him. Just, make it casual. Conversational. Maybe even sexy or playful (if you're there yet). His distance may just be a fear of getting into something that he can't maintain (schedule). But, if you both handle it correctly it can be really great to have something casual with someone you feel comfortable with when you can make the time.

  • You should talk to him about it. If he's flying all over the world and he's making lots of money he'd certainly be able to see multiple women pretty easily. It sounds like you'd be OK with him seeing other women. If you are, you should make that clear to him.

    It's possible that he's toning down the sex so that he can get to know you a little better with a clear head, and so that your head will also be clear.

    • Hahh I hope that's what's going on. Yeah, I don't mind him seeing/sleeping with other women, so long as they're not serious competition ;] (but I'm also not sure I'll always feel this way). In any event, I'm still seeing other people, and this guy is the clear winner. Thanks for the insight!

  • Just saying, sex on the first date was ruined it! He doesn't want to make time for sex because he already knows you give it out easy. Sorry honey but sex on first date is what guys call a whore.

    • The vast majority of the people I know that are in relationships now began with sex very early on in the relationship, many on the first date.

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    • Furthermore, your vicious ad hominem attacks (calling me a whore, questioning my intelligence) are not about my point itself (it's rather unfortunate you're so angry about this: there is no need, for I have remained calm & refrained from insulting you): they focus on my value as a person instead of the question of women's freedom to have sex in general.

      Because you refuse to answer directly, I can only assume you have no refutation of my argument for sexual freedom and hereby concede.

    • A better way to present your argument would have been to say, "In my opinion, having sex on the first date is a bad idea because then he might see you as a whore."

      I already picked this point out of your initial attack, & I this was my response (see below): he clearly enjoys my company out of bed though, & if I were just a whore to him, I'd only ever see him in the bedroom; & if he didn't want it anymore, we'd be done. So it follows that I am not his whore, and my original question remains.

What Girls Said 2

  • Everything is possible for this guy. In my opinion be careful, watch his behavior and learn more about him. His home should be very good place for your investigation. I don't mean dig out his personal stuff. Get opinion about his life and relationships with his family/friends. He likes you it is clear, but if he has a lot of girl stations in every state or country, you will get sad end of the story. Keep your eyes open and wait.

  • Well, if you dont' want to have sex in the park or the movie theater, it might just be that there isn't a PLACE to conveniently have sex and he doesn't want to get a hotel room for a quickie and then leave in the morning. If he doesn't make time to have sex with you, though, I'd be a bit worried. I'd play it safe, though, because a lot of guys who travel like that sleep with high end prostitutes, if they are wealthy.

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