Is it normal to feel this way?

My boyfriend of 15 months left me 6 weeks ago. He's asked out four girls since then and is now with the fourth one. Do you think it's a rebound relationship? He admitted to me just days after the break up that he hates being alone, he misses having someone to love, hold, look after and just generally enjoy being with. His self esteem is very low and I know being single makes him feel worse about himself.

He was my first love. I've tried my hardest to move on, but it doesn't matter where I go, what I do or who I'm with, I can't stop thinking about him and I fall deeper in love with him everyday and there's something inside that's holding me back. I have this feeling, like an overwhelming instinct that he'll come back to me one day. Am I just losing my mind? Please spare me the sarcasm and nasty comments, I know how strange this sounds but I can't ignore this feeling. He says he's over me but he still tells me that he'll never love anyone the way he loved me and that I'm everything he has ever wanted in a girl. He almost never mentions his girlfriend and if he does he quickly changes the subject, usually to something about our relationship. He's aware of my feelings for him and when I asked how he feels about me, he said "I'm so sorry darling, but I can't go back." Is he scared we'll both end up getting hurt again? Or is he really over me and I'm just getting my hopes up over the things he says to me?

Can anyone offer help or advice? Please don't tell me to start dating again, I don't want anyone else and it would be unfair to use someone when I love my ex.


Most Helpful Guy

  • well you are not alone... I've gone through the same thing. You should probably cut off all contact with him. It's normal to want them to come back to you... but do you really want someone who doesn't want to be with you? That is your insecurity inside preventing you from letting him go. You need to really focus on yourself. Think of the following things:

    Your Career - further your career or schooling

    Your Hobbies - take up a new hobbie (preferably on with other people)

    Your Friends - go out and make new friends

    Your Family - get to know your family better. ask about your parents when they were kids.

    The goal is to focus on yourself. He is the last thing you need around you at this time. It is really selfish for him to be around you when he knows how you feel. He just likes the attention you give him and it fuels his ego and raises his confidence, but at the same time it smashes your ego and destroys your confidence. Surround yourself with new people. Get a new job and make new friends.

    Tell him at this point you really can't be in contact with him. If he is your friend then he will understand. These things take time to get over, but in time you will. The way you are feeling is completely normal, but you have to take a step back and see the situation clearly. Your life is more important so focus on it. Once you begin to meet new people you will be surprised at how much easier this emotional roller coaster will become.

    And don't worry about finding another boyfriend just concentrate on making friends. That will make you much happier and eventually it may lead to something unexpected. =)


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What Guys Said 1

  • I hope by this time you are already healed!

    I totally understand how you feel! I am in the same situation. But 1 year has passed and I am a lot better. The girl used to give me stares even when she was with her new BF. I think she wanted to fully destabilize me. She had an evil plan I suppose. For the mistake I did, of falling in love with her, I did one thing, I cut all contact with anything which reminded me of her. I avoided all the situations where I could come in contact with her. People thought I had gone mad. But only I knew how painful it would be to see her again. So I let people think whatever they wanted and I became free. Yes, I used to get her on my mind every now and then and tears used to roll off. But I treated it as a process of healing. So dear Angelcake please understand first that it is wrong to think that he was everything you had. Still there is more good life to come. Cheer up!

    You can message me if you want to talk to me. I will be glad to help. Because I know your pain.

    • Thankyou for that comment. =) I admit I'm much happier since I posted this question, but I would be lying if I said I was over my ex. We have recently gotten much closer as friends and most of the time it's as though we're still together. The girlfriend he was with when I asked this question lasted a week. He has had another two since then and is currently with the third. He seems happy, so in a way I'm happy for him. I can only hope one day I'll move on or he'll fall in love with me again.

    • All the best but be stronger this time!

What Girls Said 4

  • He says he's over me but he still tells me that he'll never love anyone the way he loved me and that I'm everything he has ever wanted in a girl ----> maybe, but if you are everything he wants, then why he can't go back with you? I don't think he loves you enough or at least not in love with you anymore just like your personality and all. Well, I would say just forget about him. Why spend time with someone who does not value you anyway? I know it's hard but you will get over him! Just thank God it happened maybe this is a lesson you have to learn in your life.

    "I'm so sorry darling, but I can't go back." Is he scared we'll both end up getting hurt again? He can't go back there are many reasons why and he's the one who know EXACTLY what they are. But I will spare you based on what I know from my experience. Partly yes, he's scared getting hurt again. Another thing is because he does not love you any longer, period. He likes the idea of rel. but I don't think he really cares with who. Whoever he feels comfy with will do. So far you're the one that has done that. Sorry I might sound harsh but I want you to open your eyes about this.

    When you're in love with someone, you will get all kind of fantasy etc. about him being the one etc. this is normal. But hey, that's not the reality. If he's yours he will come back but for now you are not destined to be together. Maybe one day he'll be back but that's just another unrealistic thing. The reality is now. He can say whatever he wants ( love you etc.22222) but then again, think what the reality really is. Hope this helps.

  • I agree that you should NOT date right now. I will tell you this; move on. This guy is obviously in love with love itself more than the person themselves. What's holding you back is your subconscious. It knows that you are not being rational about this. This guy is disrespecting his relationship right now by talking to you the way he does. I think it's a boost for him to know that you are still hung up on him. For right now I think you should really be alone and work on healing your heart.

  • your not doing any good by thinking in circles about what he's doing.

    if you want him back, or if you want to be happy its the same solution. keep yourself busy and start by giving the appearance of moving on, then soon you will follow. nobody wants desperation, as rom antic as it is. stop talking to him and try your hardest to do something productive, and either he, or the next dreamy guy will find you

  • move on and find a better guy. first loves often don't work out and some creeps use this to their advantage

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