Why do you think black girls aren't getting much dates?

Do you think we are the opposite of trophy wives, for selfishness is on the rise. Do you think it is our hair, nose, skin color, or weight. What can I do to seem more available or approachable. I love university, am a virgin, a christian, and love to exercise. Should we just move to different countries that appreciate black women more like even West Europe? Ironically they have a lower extent of racism? Need advice, be serious please.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to answer this even though there's a bit of baiting here; I'm going to assume you are wanting a real answer. I've dated black women before, and I'd have no problem dating another, so I have nothing at all against black women in general.

    Having said that, I will give you an idea of things that "white" guys (which really means non-black middle-and-upper-class guys) don't like about some/many black women (these aren't traits exclusive to black women either):

    - Ghetto behavior: being loud, rude, in-your-face, inappropriately sexual, foul language, promiscuous, ebonics, etc.

    - Ghetto-fabulous style: super-long fingernails, animal print clothes, etc.

    - Weight. Many black women are overweight (true, many white women are too), and white guys tend to be less forgiving.

    - Overly religious: many black folks are overly into religion, "praising Jesus" constantly and making non- or less-religious people uncomfortable. Some of them also put on a big show of religion, but live NOTHING like a religious person, and don't see the irony there at all. Again, not exclusively a black issue.

    - Cliquey: Many black girls only hang out around other black people, which can intimidate white guys from approaching her. And many black guys act like black girls are "their" women and intentionally intimidate non-black guys from being around them. A girl would need to be more assertive and stand up for herself and not let other people speak for her.

    Most white guys would be happy to date a black girl who was not extremely conservative but also not ghetto; they want one who knows there is some middle ground, in both behavior and style. They don't want a girl who is too heavy. Curvier is okay, but not fat. And religious overtones need to be scaled way back, unless you are around people you KNOW are comfortable expressing their religious beliefs regularly.

    And almost no guy, of any color or culture, wants a girl who is against being sexual. That doesn't mean you have to sleep with him on the first date or anything, but sex needs to be "on the table" eventually if he's going to be in a relationship with you.


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What Guys Said 7

  • As a black male in his mid-20s, I feel required to answer this question.

    Keep in mind that I am using my sample size of my lifetime when I answer this question, and I'm not stereotyping here.

    I think there are two main problems:


    1) lack of smiling:


    I see countless times (and I do keep a mental tally of all races of female) that I saw a black female (of all ages) and she had what I call an "irritation face". A look of anger, irritation, stress, scorn, aggression.

    It's not about looking "peppy" It's all about looking APPROACHABLE in looks and body language (as in wearing at least a half-smile, and carrying yourself in a feminine fashion [and yes, tomboys do this, too!]).

    The % of black people I've seen walking around in various towns and areas in various times of the day and night where I have been...seem to look less "approachable" in face and body language.

    Now I'm unsure why so many black females I've met seem to lack having an approachable face and having feminine grace in their body language...my guess is because a lot of black culture through our ppl's history (remember I'm black myself) imo is based on one word:


    Looking tough, frankly, is the opposite of looking "feminine".

    No joke; from what I've seen, females of other races smile more, and have more feminine and "inviting" body language. That's why they get more dates!


    2) hanging out almost always in an all-black crowd:


    Most people view black Americans, as being very "banded together" and not as "open" to those of other races in terms of friendship, let-alone romantic relationships.

    Keep in mind that USA media doesn't portray black Americans as a "warm group of people tolerant of other races and cultures", so to speak.

    Therefore, in an area where most of the people haven't interacted with black Americans in real life...remember that you are initially fighting those negative stereotypes of abrasive rudeness, cultural ignorance, and the "WE MUST STICK TOGETHER!" mentality.

    In Santa Barbara, CA (where I went to uni for undergrad with a ~%2 black student population)...I can tell that many of the students there haven't interacted with very many black people in person. So they saw me, and thought things such I was there on a sports scholarship, that I knew people on the basketball team, was I ever a gangxta, where they can get some weed, can I rap, etc.

    Then I thought about it; they haven't met many black people in general, so all they have to go off of are the media stereotypes!

    Anyways, my point is...you have to make sure you make an effort to hang out, and involve yourself, in activites outside of the realm of "black culture", to show that you ARE open to people of all other races. Doing this, you'll be seen as more "mainstream" and more approachable of all people in friendships, as well as dates! ;-)

    In words, if you don't SHATTER the stereotypes mentioned above, you're presumed to BE them!

    • P.S. In black culture, smiling all the time is seen by black females as "being fake" and "phony as hell"...


      ...and take pride in not smiling, and not "following the (supposed) mainstreams standards set by white people."

      Imo this mentality is stupid. Don't fall into that trap type of thinking, QA!

    • Show All
    • this girl is crazy

  • I will be honest with you, I know I am going to get down votes and all of that sh*t..but I don't care you wanted a honest answer, so I will give it to you. This is based on my observations. So you can take my answer anyway you want.

    The truth is that we as society have been taught by the media that white women are the prettiest. Since we were small too, you see in Disney that all the princesses where white women, with the small exception of one, but if I am not wrong, she is the only black princess in Disney.

    Another thing too is that symmetry is attractive. White women tend to have very symmetrical faces, with sharp and soft features.. I am not saying that black women do not have symmetry...but for some reason, they tend to have large flat noses and other stuff as well that seem out of "proportion" as well they tend to have very strong features, that are not very sharp. Also many people don't like black women hair...i mean its not soft and silky. It is usually hard and tangled.

    Not all black women are like that but they seem to be the exception more than the rule. Don't feel down though...some guys do like women and they are not as shallow as other men as well. I admit I am shallow, so that is why my answer is like this, so this is why I answer that way. There are other guys too that care about personality more than looks, so don't worry about it.

    • Well it's interesting too because if you look at it from a different angle; white women look like the most insecure women on the planet. They constantly "swagger jack" the beautiful features from other ethnic groups. For example, tanning, lip injections, and butt implants. Many commercials have anti-aging creams and products targetted towards white women who age terribly. Yet despite all of this, they have geared so much effort into making sure the media promotes them as the most beautiful.

    • Another example; many commercials show white women obsessing over how to put volume in their often flat hair and how to have it perfectly straight and silky like an Indian or Asian woman's hair.

      I don't think you know anything about African ancestry type hair. Have you ever even felt a black woman's hair?

    • Great album!

  • I agree with Prof Don

    And please don't hit me. But in black culture as I understand it (And it's from experience I used to live in harlam) there is a pervasive view that you don't let anyone get the better of you or win an argument. Which is fine. I'm the same way. BUT I don't EVER argue in public. And almost every public argument I've seen involving black people does not end quickly. Often both sides have legitimate claims but will not put it to the side and take it up later when in private.

    I have never seen a white person that "acted white" do this. I say "acted white" because I have done it in the past. and I am very much a white black kid. (Hell I thought I was black till I was 7)

    So please don't get angry I'm saying truthfully what I think and what I've observed

    • Black people or GHETTO PEOPLE? Differentiate.

      I've seen tones of bratty, disrespectful white girls who won't let the other person win in an argument. It's not about color; it's about upbringing.

    • Right it's about upbringing but all racial profiling (which isn't bad you just can't let it rule you) That's why I mentioned that while I'm white I I've still done the same thing because I grew up in something of a ghetto. It's just statistically if I was to bet between a white girl and a black girl. Without knowing anything about them I'd be a fool not to assume that the black girl came from some lower end hood. Not because black people are bad. But just because of basic probability

  • I see you are creating a false dilemma in an attempt to brew a massive sh*tstorm.

  • because black guys go for white chicks.

    • that's because a lot of black guys hate themselves.

      Many white girls don't realize that their entire relationship is a product of self hate within black men and many interracial are simply a reflection of a black man's inferiority complex.

      This black man even agrees link

    • *many interracial children are just a reflection of a self hating mentality within a black person.

    • freetobe you are a genius

  • It's pretty clear that black men have black women on lockdown. Most black women aren't going anywhere. Yet black men are busy trying everything they can to please white women. A lot of them say that other guys only use them for sex, but just look at the marriage rates of black women. Look at the rate of single mothers. Once they start to realize these types of things and open up, people will reciprocate.

  • Do you think it is our hair, nose, skin color, or weight.

    Hair is okay, a lot of black girls have large noses, not a fan, skin color I think can be pretty, weight is a huge issue, as lots of otherwise pretty black girls ruin their looks through excess weight.

    What can I do to seem more available or approachable. I love university, am a virgin, a christian, and love to exercise.

    Good for you, sounds like you have a lot going for you. If you want to be more approachable, join more groups that have lots of men in them. Smile, use open body language. Check out a book or two on body language and socializing from your local library. It is good to study up. Never say "no" to an opportunity to go out and meet new people. Check out www.meetup.com.

    Should we just move to different countries that appreciate black women more like even West Europe? Ironically they have a lower extent of racism? Need advice, be serious please.

    You can move if you want, but there's still people, including black girls, that find a way to get married here in the U.S.

    • I don't understand how weight is an issue? I have two jobs working in retail and white and Latina women are generally significantly waaaay more chunky than the black females who would come in.

    • Those chunky white and Latina chicks are having a harder time getting a quality boyfriend than their skinnier white and Latina girlfriends. No matter your color, being fat is going to hold a girl back from the dating world. Black girls are no exception to this rule.

What Girls Said 2

  • As an African American lady, I can honestly say you are throwing a pity party.

    Yes, black woman's features are farthest from the international standard of beauty.

    Yes, practically all of the black women who are supposedly the most beautiful black women in the world, according to People Magazine, hardly look black. They are whitened up and tend to be biracial or multiracial.

    Yes, most African American men glamorize the white culture that oppressed them and degrade black women who share their features, speaking about us like a KKK member from the 1920's.

    But all of that doesn't mean sh*t and I am living proof of that.

    I'm a dark skinned black female with natural hair and many guys flock to me. I've been told it's because I stay in shape and I have a magnetic personality. You can't always be so quick to blame a guy not wanting you on the fact that you are black. Naturally, as a black female, it's easy to do because there are so many types of people who belittle us and there are many guys who won't give us a chance simply because we are not whitened up. I know it's frustrating and it can be hard to deal with if you don't have a very high self esteem, but there are guys out there who really like black women.

  • Idk where you live but I think you got it all wrong.……not all of us have the same nose,skin tone, hair,body size. Maybe its because you are young,no man wants jail bait!

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