Should I give up looking for a girlfriend?

I'm 24 years old and I've never had a girlfriend. To make things worst I've never even had a female friend. The strange thing is that I'm not even ugly. I'm 6'1'', 155 lbs, muscular, and pleasant face. My problem is that I don't know how to socialize with women. I can start conversations with women, but I don't know how to get to the next level. I wish it were as easy as approaching a woman and telling her "i think you're really pretty, I want to get to know you, let me invite you for some coffee'' but it's not. Now, I've tried internet dating, but all the women I've met are unattractive. I know most of you think that I'm picky, but I'm really not. My standards are really low, but the women on these sites are really unattractive. So, I have reached a point in my life where I'm started to ask, maybe I'm meant to be alone?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You need a smack upside the head. You're only 24 and you're willing to throw in the towel now?

    Do you quit at everything in life as quickly?

    Look, you can talk to women - that already puts you ahead of most of the losers on this site who would rather spend time hating women than addressing their own short-comings when it comes to flirting and dating.

    You're tall, muscular, and not fugly. And you can talk to women.

    That means you have the tools and the resources. You just lack the necessary skill to use them both.

    "I wish it were as easy as approaching a woman and telling her "i think you're really pretty, I want to get to know yoou, let me invite you for some coffee'' "

    It kind of is that easy, though. Except you wouldn't say those particular words.

    It's not like there's a magic script of lines you can memorise or anything - but the lines you use there, are just not ... normal. And that unnaturalness will put a girl off.

    For example - An invitation to coffee should never be uttered before she's even had a chance to say a word. Your approach there, is to get to the invite in 3 sentences and never give her a chance to speak. That's a bad approach.

    But that's all it is. A bad approach. If you had a good approach, you'd be golden.

    Start by hogging the flirting section of the website. I think your conversational and flirting skills need a bit of work. Then read some of the very good articles on this site, about flirting. Then make a few female friends on the site, and practice flirting with them online. Writing gives you a chance to choose your words a bit more carefully than speech does.

    You'll pick up the skills in no time, I'm sure.


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What Girls Said 3

  • You have to first ask yourself are you the kind of person that makes life happen or are you the kind that lets life happen to you?

    Your question is riddled with Self doubt, a huge lack of confidence and pessimism. Do you know what seperates those of us that get what we want from those who don't? Fearlessness and a dash of audicity. It is as simple as walking up to a girl you're intrested in, giving her that compliment and trying to get to know her by simply asking questions.

    Questions are the easiest ways to start and keep a conversation going. It lets her know you are interested in her as a person and has the power to open people up in a short span of time.

    I often find men who have the hardest time talking to women have a general fear of rejection. If you already lack confidence the last thing you want is for someone to confirm you're not all that great. The thing is, this kind of mentality shuts you out of all possibilities. It's like playing the lottery. You can't stop playing the first 10 times you don't win because if you do, you take yourself out of the game completely. You have to be active about it, and consistent.

    Online dating works best for people who are looking to expand their networks and meet more people. If you didn't have control of your love life in the first place, your chances won't be any better there. Your only real remedy is to step out of your comfort zone and take a chance at every woman you find piques your interest.

    Understand that rejection is a part of life and those who are successful experience it more than most. Also keep in mind that women say no for variousness reasons. It's not always about you. We could be already committed, just come out of break up, not looking to start a relationship or gay. Shift your paradigm a bit. Learn not to take no, personally so that you don't get discouraged.

    Know that this is a numbers game.

    A good friend of mine hits on at least 20 hot chicks a week and he really isn't all that great looking. He hardly had any game and his pockets aren't all that fat to compensate. Out of 20, he gets an average of 5 numbers and at least 2 translate to actual dates and maybe some action. he's the guy people ask, how'd he get her?

    He believes he's got nothing to lose, but time.

    You are the one limiting your potential and happiness so even if you don't have confidence, start building it by making some bold moves. Get out of your comfort zone, learn to embrace rejection and hit on as many hot chicks ad you possibly can. Everyone else is afraid to.

    I wish lots of luck in love...

  • Have your tried blind dating/speed dating?

  • Maybe me too.


What Guys Said 4

  • Honestly, if you are thinking about girls that much you couldn't even stop thinking about looking even if you wanted to. We, men, are wired that way naturally. You pass puberty, become capable of reproduction, and nature just forces you to like looking at and being near women. They are great! You just want to find the nearest one and make her yours forever.

    Look, I am twenty-seven and I also have never had a girlfriend. I consider myself a mildly attractive guy, even though I am only 5'8" (*ahem* 8.5" I'm sure!), half-Asian, have no sense of hairstyle (I feel like I have a mix between rockband hair and Mary Tyler Moore's hair), am scrawny with a gut, and weigh about 2-3 lbs less than you. I intend to get a girlfriend before I turn 28. You have it easier than I since women naturally like taller, muscular (are you really with that height and weight?) guys.

    I am probably the worst person to take advice from since I've been single for longer than you have been (I've had women approach me with the intent to form a relationship, though, so I know I'm at least not ugly -although I AM stupid and clueless in retrospect), but let me explain why I stopped myself completely from going for women for awhile:

    1) I had no income for a long time (know that song "No Scrubs" by TLC? It's wayy too catchy...)

    2) I lived at my father's house (not exactly the best place to take a girl)

    3) I had no transportation (public transportation didn't really exist in my old town)

    4) Only families and people with no ambtions/dreams still live in suburban towns after the age of 20 (I don't think any girl left would have made a good match since I have all of these big plans to travel and see the world and what not)

    I have other issues which still make me afraid of rejection (for example, I feel I am auto-blacklisted from going for girls the same height as me since I lack muscles and probably weigh the same or less as them) but none of those reasons stopped me completely from trying like the former did. HOWEVER, I am now three weeks into a relatively high-paying job in a big city (I couldn't stop looking at my first paycheck) and am on the verge of moving into my own apartment =)

    My major reasons for not even trying to go for women are now completely gone! It took 27 years, but I have finally been born! It's about damn time I went and found my woman!

    So now I'll tell you what my new methodology is (what I would have done at 24 had I gotten rid of my blocking problems three years earlier):

    1) Make as many friends as I can (men and women); networking is the key to meeting new potential friends

    2) Get to know friendly women better by frequently talking with them; finding a small piece of common ground is the easiest way to start what turns into a 15-minute conversation

    3) Ask them to join me for food; the first few times may be with others joining, but ultimately the goal is to get her alone at some point

    4) Ask her if she is interested in going out with me

    5) Work-out!

  • well maybe you should look at what you think is attractive

    stop thinking like you are a failure

    if you think you fail you fail

    okay if you want the next level you need to get help learning to ask somebody out

    YOU ARE A MAN right?

    in (at least American culture) this culture the man is the one to ask out the girl

    be ready to fail because failure is a way to learn what you did wrong and next time try to get it right

    if you are 40 then you can throw in the towel but not before

    quotes most should make sense

    "By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest."

    “We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.”- Leo F. Buscaglia

    “People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullsh*t. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”-Jim Morrison

    “The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.”- Richard Bach

    "everything is everything, it's what you make of it that counts"-me

    "A person can be in love with someone forever till the end of time. But if that person doesn't tell or show the feelings of love, it will be just another person living in a dream, lost of true love."

    “Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”-Sam Keen

    "You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you"-Walt Disney

    “If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost.”-Zig Ziglar

    "When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"-aang (avatar the last air bender)

    okay that's all I got hope I made sense here and I hope this quote inspire you somehow

    good luck

  • Bullsh*t.

    Go ask 40 women to coffee with that line. Not 4. 40.

    Tell us how it goes when you're done.

    Also, I know people landing all kinds of hot girls from internet dating ... but mainly on pay sites, NOT free ones. I've known people to have some success on free ones, but in my city at least, the free ones seem to be ... pretty bad.

  • i've thought so too

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