Two people from different socioeconomic background : Please help me!

Hello It's friendship question but I want to hear anybody's opinion, especially guy's opinion. I'm a girl.

My friend and I are from very different socioeconomic background. We have different values, interest, opinions, taste of pretty much everything.This post is going to sound very superficial and you might think I am an horrible person writing this however I am going to state the facts to get the best advice from you guys.

I put very high importance on education and truly enjoy learning. I have medical background and starting my masters of law soon and she didn't finish her high school and is going through her online beauty therapy course. She claims that the education does not matter and the degree is just a 'paper'. (Sounds more convincing when steve jobs say it) I pretty much gave up on debating on this issue with her. She surprises and exhausts me with her ignorant opinions. What makes this worse is she is quite an opinionated person. She once made a racist comment and I said nobody should judge anyone based on their race or nationality. She told me that I judge dumb people so it's same. She also tried to convince me that orange colored moon is not full moon because full moon is white. I had to tell her 'full-moon' is matter of shape, not the color. This is not a joke. When we watched the movie 'looper', our conversation wasn't making any sense. Turns out, whole movie, she didn't know bruce willis and joseph golden levitt was the same person. There are so much more but this will give you an idea.

We have different view on dating as well. I am quite independent whereas she needs to have someone all the time. She dates all the working class guys. Nothing wrong with that. However, all the guys that I date, usually bankers, architects, lawyers, she says 'office guys are gay.' We never agree on who is attractive. never had. When it comes to relationship, intellectual connection is really important to me and I'd rather go for someone I can have good conversation then someone who is just 'hot'. she would usually call my guys 'yuck','boring'. Long story short, she likes bad boys and I like nice boys.

Music, Fashion, name it. we have very different taste.

Now when we go to dinner, pretty much everything started to bother me. Her non-existant table manner, texting whole time, conversation about only one topic- guys (interestingly enough, I get asked out more and have more guys around but I don't really enjoying talking about them whole time), her surprisingly stupid comments on things.

I can really get along with anyone and I do like getting along with a lot of people so I can learn more.

I don't want to be one of those people who thinks they are the best and live in their little own world. However this is getting really annoying now.

What do you think I should do? Do you think I'm superficial and over reacting or should do something about it?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I honestly don't think that it makes you a terrible person for not wanting to be friends with her anymore. Take a look at everything you're saying. You don't connect with her, you don't have any similar interests, its because you're not compatible as friends, that you don't like her anymore. not because you think she's lower class. Yes background greatly impacts behavior, so I can understand why your question was worded this way, but two people who have nothing in common will never be friends. Even if it's like a super hotshot person within your demographic. I think, in such situations, its natural for people to drift apart. You'll be busy with your life, and she'll be doing whatever she does in hers. Don't force an end to it, but also don't hold on so tightly to the friendship that you're forcing it's existence.

    • Thank you so much! You really got the point of the story! I think that's what I'm going to do. thank you again, feel like finally someone understands my side.

      My friend doesn't even really think that we're that different. She has no idea that it is actually bothering me..

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    • she does show respect when disagrees on something. but as much as I care about her and think she is a nice person, what I have with her is not the matter of 'red' or 'green'. Sometimes there are 'better' or 'right' opinion as much as I hate to say it. I mean, with all due respect, orange full moon is still a full moon!

    • @TheUglyOne, you're right, but clearly these differences do matter to the question asker.. also your friendships with your friend will of course be different than her friendships as well. Different people look for different things in friendships, and this girl just doesn't have what QA is looking for, while the rest of your friends DO for you.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You don't really sound superficial. The fact that you retained your friendship with her up to this point, in spite all of the differences you have in nearly every thing, would seem to show the opposite. To be fair, that she also appears to still want to be friends shows she looks past your differences even if she strongly disagrees with you. Personally, I like have friends or at least associates who have varying and divergent points of views and outlooks on life. Shakes me up and rattles my cage often, but also gets me thinking and reflecting on my own views and opens my mind to new ideas, new thoughts, and keeps me from "living in their own little world".

    So long as you don't think yourself automatically a superior human because of your views and background, and/or she is an inferior person because of her views and background, you're doing fine and actually you are a cut above the vast majority of people anyway.

    Unless she has been blatantly insulting, mean, or rude to you, I would retain the friendship. You could be the influence that offers her a chance to change for the better. Indeed, in many ways I resembled a male version of your friend, and it was because of men with similar views and manners to yours, that I gradually realized what an ass I was and began to work on, well, not being as much an ass anyway.

    • I agree with you. I never think that anybody can be a superior human being than another. and she is a easy going, fun person to hang around with. I actually tried to motivate her about more education (you will be really good ---, I think you will be amazing at this, that) she just shuts me down with 'uni degree is just a paper theory'.

      She is very firm on her ground.. and when it comes to taste, really, you can't really say which is better anyway...even though it looks cheap and tacky 'to me'

    • well it does sound like you have some things in common, unlike others, I wouldn't be so quick to end the friendship then.

      LOL at least you are trying. It took many knocks on my head to get me moving lol.

    • yeah right? I'm trying lol... thank you for your insightful answer! helping a lot!

      I don't want to lose her as friend but I really want to meet someone who's more stimulating.

  • I'm best friends with 4 guys for over ten years and we all are completely different. I say that that given only strengthened our bond. You miss out if you only hang out with your "own kind".

    • i agree with it, that's why I'm friend with her for 3 years. And that happens so much more in guys so I wanted to ask how you guys do it... just drink beer and watch sports maybe haha

    • Female friendships are bullsh*t anyway. Guys just have a laugh. Really, that's all we do, drink beer, talk about women and laugh.

  • omg it's like pretty in pink only real.

    • what's pretty in pink? movie?

    • yes an 80's movie

  • People grow apart. You are not obligated to remain friends anymore. If you don't want to be mean about it, you can slowly but surely cut down on contact.

    To answer the rest of your question, I don't get a good vibe from you to be completely honest with you. I don't think it's wrong to get new friends or anything like that, but I can feel the "uppity" side of you from this question. I'm sure if I read some answers on certain things, I'd feel it too.

    • well I said from the very start that this is going to sound horrible and superficial. I'm not a saint. I know it's not the best but what annoys me does annoy me.

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    • Fair enough, but if I recall correctly, you only mentioned the little tiff about the moon. The other instances about college degrees and the kinds of guys you like are opinion based. I'm sure you would argue the former, but...

    • Also, it sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind at this point.

What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds to me, like you ride on coming from a more educated background and it's an excuse to end the friendship

    My friends and I come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and its never once been a problem. You're turning non-issues into issues

    That said, some people aren't meant to be friends

    • Not only that but different taste of pretty much everything. values, dating, so many things.

      We don't really have mutual friends because her friends aren't my type of people and my friends are certainly not her type of people...

    • then leave it at that

      not everyone is meant to be friends or acquaintances