Why do guys get like this? They should realize how much it hurts a girl?

There is this guy that made me like him. We went out on dates in public and he showered me with compliments, I really thought that there was something between us. Even he was saying that things felt right between us.

I told him one month into it that I did not want a casual relationship. He knew and still continued dating and sleeping with me.

A month and a half later I could see things were not really adding up and was more upfront with things and said if this is a friends with benefits thing. I don't want to be a part of it. He ends it right there and then.

Why get a girl to like you and make you think otherwise if sex is all you want? Why act like you like them?

It just makes them think you want more when you do not. I feel so stupid and ashamed that I got tricked somehow.

I am glad I spoke up after seeing 'red flags' I should be happy that I don't have to deal with the confusion anymore but still feel sad because I had genuine feelings for him. It's weird.

Guess I have to be more careful next time.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Ultimately, you were smart enough, and had enough self-esteem, to catch this in time, but in the future, not only do you need to be more careful, but you also need to be even more clear, and even more forceful, about what you want, and about asking him what HE wants. Honestly, early in EVERY first date, you should be saying this:

    "Just so there are no misunderstandings, I'm only looking for a committed relationship, and I don't have sex outside of committed relationships. I don't do 'casual' or 'friends with benefits.' What are you looking for?"

    Get that out of the way EARLY, and be clear and blunt about it. Yes, many guys won't call for a 2nd date, because you will have filtered them out, and that's GOOD. It will mostly eliminate the guys who want to string you along hoping they can convince you to give them casual sex, and will do so BEFORE you get too attached. If it isn't going to work out, it's better to know that as soon as possible.

    You're the one who has the most to lose, so YOU have to be firm and assertive about this, or what happened this time will happen again.

    • Yes I was smart enough and had enough self esteem to catch that in time. Do you think that even though he did not want a relationship that me, that stating that would have changed his opinion of me even though he was already sleeping with me? Just curious.

      Thanks for the tip. I will take note of that. :). I just keep hearing "you shouldn't mention anything to guys involving wanting a relationship it puts to much pressure on guys" that is what stopped me from being more upfront with this one.

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    • He must have respected me in some sort of way to have ended it to begin with after telling him what I did not want. It was just hard to hear something I did not want to hear. But still. He should have done this when I first mentioned not wanting casual to begin with. A month and a half before I got the guts to get around to saying something.

    • Realising now how good it was that I did actually say something when I did. No way was I going to let myself be strung along.

What Girls Said 1

  • Because some guys think girls will be easier tricked into bed when lying about their feelings. I was in the same sitation a bit. I met someone, got to know him, developed feelings but nothing ever happened, just a kiss. Then later on he was telling me how he liked me, how he thought about us and how we could become serious if we gave it some time. He really thought I'd sleep with him, I never did and I'm glad I didn't. But I can imagine how you feel.

    Some guys really just like to get into bed with a girl and they don't mind lying and hurting to get laid. But that's the pathetic kind of boy (they're not worth the name "men").

    • Just wait a while before you sleep with a guy, make sure you know him quite well and ask around if he has a name of being a player.

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    • Good! You don't need boys like that in your life ;)

    • Hell no!

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