I'm 22 and never been kissed, how to stop being so depressed?

-never dated, never really asked out

-I'm decent looking I think at least average, a little bit overweight but I have a thyroid condition so it makes me have a weight problem.

-I've tried so hard believe me putting myself out there after years of not really doing so.

-Have gotten rejected, rejected, rejected and even online. Once some guys I liked saw my pic and by the way they weren't super models either they stopped texting me or showing interest. I basically have to put in the effort even online to get a date.

This has impacted my grades in university. Now that I'm getting older all my friends are dating and tell me thing like" you know when a guy asks you out to dinner" and "I'm dating 5 guys casually right now" I get so depressed. I wonder what it feels like to have a guy you like ACTUALLY interested. I'm starting to accept that I might NEVER have this. So I need to earn a living and focus in school. I'm actually smart I want to go to grad school. Guys if ever in the future will just freak out about the no experience at all thing.

Can anyone else relate, or advice on how to literally stop crying about this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • All I can tell you is: don't give up.

    Get involved in group activities where single guys will be around. Be outgoing, friendly, look people in the eye, smile, laugh, and let them see you having a good time and being fun. That will instantly make you much more attractive to a guy. If you are shy, or you sit on the sidelines, people will ignore you. You have to get in the thick of things and be seen being friendly and fun.

    And pay attention. If a guy is talking to you or giving you any extra attention, he's interested, and he's feeling you out to see if you are interested in him. You have to make it clear that you ARE interested, so he knows you probably won't reject him if he asks. If you're missing these opportunities because you don't respond, then you'll never get anywhere.

    Last, be HONEST. Tell guys what you want, what you're looking for, and what your limits are. And make sure those things are realistic. If you're waiting for a popular, rich, good-looking guy who is always attentive and wants to get married in 2 years, you're setting the bar too high. The first guy you date probably won't end up being your husband. That's OKAY. You need some experience. Just make sure he's a decent guy and that he cares about you.

    • You know, I?m sure some guys like shy people. Shyness is not a disease.

    • You're right, it's not. But you can't get around the fact that it makes it almost impossible to meet new people. All I'm saying is that a shy person, male or female, has to be outgoing enough to break the ice and let people get to know them. If no one ever gets that far, the chances of ever being in a relationship are quite small.

      Most people misinterpret shyness for lack of interest, and THAT is what kills most opportunities.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I find this odd. In my experience even girls who aren't attractive can still find a boy friend, or at least get laid. So, it might now be the physical part of it, it might be attitude. You might also be setting you're standards a bit to high as well. Not trying to be a jerk here, but look at it logically and objectively. Never being kissed at the age of 22 for a girl is really, REALLY unusually even if you are a "little over weight". If you're waiting for the perfect guy to come along you should get rid of that mentality right away. Life is not a fairy tale. Try going to the bar this weekend, dress up real nice and keep an open mind. At the age of 22 take a chance a live a little.

    • Trust me I've lowered my standards! I guess something is just wrong with me and its not just my looks. I've tried analyzing SO much what the hell is wrong with me and the more I think about it the more nervous it makes me to get rid of this "milestone". sigh.

  • Yes, totally. Feel free to add me as a friend and take the conversation private.

    My circumstances from small town, no girls, over protective parents, and ultra competitive sports even through college and keeping up academics meant no dating until 22.

    Part of it may be letting down your guard and learning how to have fun, and make others feel good when they are around you. - Dr. Ellen Kriedman


What Girls Said 1

  • I´m 24 years old and I´m in the exact same situation. I´m sure a lot of other girls are, it´s just that we don´t go saying it out loud. I have never been on a date, I have never been kissed, nobody ever held my hand, nothing. I know it´s not my looks, it´s just that I´m shy and also I had a lot of problems in my childhood that don´t allow me to be confident enough to pursue someone or even go to places where I know someone will approach me because I know that, in the end, they will end up choosing someone else. I had a best friend growing up and she was always picture perfect: she was pretty, she was very outgoing and fun, she did great in school and everyone seemes to be in love with her (my own mother used to tell me that she was better than me in every way). But, you know what?, I knew her for real and she was a really bad person who had a pretty mask on. It hurt so much to know that people were in love with something so phony, even my mother.

    Anyway, I totally understand what it feels like to just want affection, someone to hold your hand, to hug you, to tell you he loves you, he misses you, someone to have sex with, someone to take showers with... I don´t know, someone to share your life with. Or maybe just someone to have a good time with, it doesn´t even have to be forever...

    The one thing I can tell you is that you should try to be the best version of yourself. Don´t try to change what you really are (otherwise, you will be wearing a mask, like my friend) but try to be a really good person. Spend your time doing what you love to do, try to learn new things, try to look the best you can, if you have issues, go to a psychologist, do sports, listen to inspirational music... just try to be a great person, a happy person, comfortable in your own skin. This is what I´m trying to do now, so I really hope it works out for both of us.