Guys: how can you have a ton of chemistry with a girl but not want to date her?

If you're attracted to a girl and you both get along and there is obvious chemistry between the both of you, would things like distance or school or anything else circumstantial make you decide not to date her? Or what other factors could make you not want to date her, if any?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Lots of guys don't want relationships at all for most of their sexual peak years (around 16-25), and particularly in their college years. Their priority is fun and freedom, and they feel like a relationship would be way too restricting and might cause them to miss out on some fun. Yes, that's pretty immature, but it IS their sexual peak years, and thinking this way does mean that a lot of guys get a lot of sex with a lot of different girls, so you have to admit that they have a point.

    Assuming the guy is interested in relationships in general, the reason he might not choose to have one with a girl he's attracted to is going to be due to a serious incompatibility. Common incompatibilities would be:

    - Personalities

    - Marriage

    - Kids

    - Family issues

    - Values

    - Religion

    - Location (where you will live, or being physically separated)

    - Finances

    - Careers/Roles

    - Sex (openness, libido, frequencies, kinks, etc.)

    - Politics

    I'm sure there are others, but you get the idea.

    LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. If you don't have good compatibility, you aren't going to be able to have a long-term relationship with that person. Books and movies rarely talk about that, and in that fantasy world, love often "conquers all", but in the real world, it doesn't work that way.

    • so if a guy doesn't want a relationship, he most likely won't change his mind no matter the girl? I am just curious because you always hear about guys not wanting relationships and then meeting some girl who changes their mind which makes me wonder if "not wanting a relationship" is just an excuse or just simply means he isn't that into you.

      also, if a guy and a girl are compatible in terms of all of the things you listed and there is attraction, why wouldn't a guy date her?

    • Show All
    • Well, the other thing you need to realize is that being FWB with a guy is a virtual guarantee that you'll never be in a relationship with him. Guys generally put girls in 3 categories: "Relationship material", "sex only" and "run away." You're in the "sex only" category, and once there, it's almost impossible to become "relationship material."

      If you ever want a relationship with a guy, you need to get the relationship BEFORE you have sex.

    • well the first time was sort of a drunken hook up thing that was kind of a mistake at first and I didn't even realize I liked him until we started talking everything out and I started getting to know him more in "that" way. He is more willing to talk about feelings than any guy I've ever met and we started staying up until like 6 am just talking and the intensity and chemistry was ridiculous. So now I am trapped in the FWB box and know there isn't much of a chance for growth :/

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If I was planning to move, I certainly wouldn't want to fall in love with someone only to leave them.


What Girls Said 1

  • Yes, he's right...unless you make your intentions clear, who says she wants the white knight on threw white horse, why not assume she didn't want that and just something like getting to know him better romantically, and etc...what happens if she just didn't wanna take a risk of looking like a bad girl, so instead she use the word"relationship".haha wait sorry I'm thinking odd my own situation.