My ex bf's dad is dying, still loves me, but can't commit

Ok, I dated my boyfriend for 2 years, and about half a year into our relationship, his father was diagnosed with cancer. Things were a little rough at first, but we managed to get through it. About a month before our 2 year, I left for a trip for 5 weeks. When I came back, things felt different between us. I could tell he wasn't talking to me, but I noticed over the years he'd become a lot more snappy. On our 2 year anniversary, we broke up, because he told me he didn't have time for a relationship and any drama. The funny part was all the drama came from his bad mood. He was always cranky because of work, school and his family. He's mostly stressed because in school, he's taking a program that is eventually being cut, so he has a limited time to get it done, but he also has to constantly take care of his family. Anyways, I was completely devastated when we broke up, and I knew he was too. A day later he texted me telling me he was sorry, and to be safe. A week later, he begged me to talk to him because he missed me and said he needed me. I loved him so much, that of course I wanted to be there for him. We met up and decided we still loved each other, and we'd have a kind of friends with benefits relationship until he could be with me properly. So over the last few months he's been on and off with me. One week he texts me every day, telling me how much he loves me etc. he even said that he was here for me, and vice versa, and I was touched because at the time my father was in the hospital. The next week, he doesn't text me at all, and when he does, it feels cold and from an acquaintance. We only see each other once maybe every few weeks if we're lucky, that's why we were trying to text. So this whole week has been crazy... My friend was convinced I was in love with her boyfriend because he hugged me while I was sick (a horrible, long, other story), and messages my boyfriend telling him I was cheating on him. He didn't believe her of course, and trusted me and we continued But last week, he came to a Halloween party with me for all my friends, and I could tell something was bothering him. I tried all night making him laugh, but he wasn't in the mood. I was driving him home, and he just told me how stressed he was with school and dad, and I told him I was worried. Well I get home and he's left a text saying I shouldn't worry about him, that he'll get better, but this is why he couldn't commit. We argued over what the definition of a relationship was. He thinks it isn't one because he has no money or time for me, and I told him it didn't matter because we loved each other, and that's what made it a relationship. Basically we argued and he said a bunch of hurtful comments... And then told me he was bailing on Saturday because he wanted to be alone. I hate how one minute he tells me things, then the next, he doesn't. What do I do? He says hurtful things every time he's upset. Basically I'm hurt and we haven't spoken on almost a week. What do I do?


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What Guys Said 1

  • he sounds under such pressure that he can't really be himself. Let him back away and be by himself when he needs to but since you are in better mental shape, you will have to try to hold things together between you, as you are already doing. The burden of keeping your relationship going is falling mostly on you, while he is being overwhelmed by his responsibilities and his dad's death, I think.


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