Why would he still continue seeing me if he knew I did not want a casual thing?

Why do guys continue to date and sleep with girls when they don't want a casual thing? Besides the obvious reasons.

This guy I was dating and sleeping with. I mentioned I did not want casual and he was pretty vague with his response. Also got a non answer like I will see where it goes. Still I shrug that off and accept that. I did not want to pressure him into anything too soon.

After about a month or so. Things did not seem to be progressing in any way, saw a couple of red flags. I mention to him if this is a friends with benefits thing. I do not want to be a part of it. He ends it.

It is still pretty confusing when I think back to that because I do not understand why he did not end it when I mentioned I did not want a casual relationship earlier on. Why would he keep dating and sleeping with me without any intention of a relationship knowing that?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a rare man who will turn down sex in a situation like that. Sure you said you were looking for a long term relationship. He was working it out as he went along. Who knows. There might have even been times he thought that was a good idea, but men just don't meet a woman and work out where they're going right from the start. If they're enjoying themselves they'll stay. If they're having second thoughts you do start seeing those red flags. I'm glad you paid attention to them. It's possible he strung you along. It's also equally possible that wasn't intentional. Google Evan Marc Katz - he's written some very enlightening things on men's behavior to try and help us understand what's going on. It's easy to assume the worst; but sometimes the hurt caused by men behaving like this is entirely unintentional. Other times they're just pricks; hopefully you know which category he belongs in.

    • I have heard of Evan Marc Katz. Agree that he is heaps good!

      I remembered Evan's tip on mirroring a guy's behavior and I did that with this guy. That was what actually helped me see those red flags quickly. Never gave more then what this guy did also which has been a mistake I have done in the past. Lesson learnt there.

      The weird thing is that when I called him out on it. He reckons he was being honest with me and not leading me on. Playing dumb possibly? Who knows.

    • Even though it does hurt. At least that horrible confusing feeling I felt that whole time is gone. Hate people that mess with your mind like that. Even if it was unintentional which he also claims of course. Roll eyes.

    • It hurts. I know! But honestly; maybe he genuinely was taking it day by day. At the beginning he was loving spending time with you and then as time went on he wasn't enjoying it so much. That's not leading you on; that's seeing where it goes. There was an equal chance of it going well. I'm not going to pretend for a minute that it doesn't hurt when it happens; but keep smiling and find a way to cheer yourself up. There are lots of other men out there! :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • 1. He must have enjoyed your company and the kind of sex you guys had

    2. He wanted to have as much as he could before he either found another option or till he couldn't take (according to him whatever you were saying) the mind f**** anymore

    3. He couldn't make up his mind about the longetivity / not so casual part and was weighing the pros and cons for himself while still getting what he wanted currently


    • Well I couldn't take the mind f*** anymore that is why I mentioned it. I did not want to keep getting strung along. Thank god it only lasted two and a half months. But still got very hurt in the end.

      If he was enjoying both the sex and the company why not want a relationship?

      Any tips for avoiding this kind of thing in the future with the next guy I date?

    • 1. I'm sad and sorry for you young lady - at this juncture and situation that's the best I can

      2. Point one - 3 answers your query on '... why not want a relationship'

      3. Use your head and pls don't jump into bed (don't mind me saying this) next time and in the future

      3.1. Stick to your guns and then get things going even if it means almost an year before you have sex

      4. Women (generally) think having spoken first then having sex is end of the deal while a man doesn't clearly look at it that way

  • He enjoyed the sex, attention, company and used you and lead you on to the maximum. Since you dropped the relationship bomb ultimatum on him he saw only one option...runaway and search elsewhere. That's what he did and in d future make it clear what's d guy in for rather jus for sex

    • When I called him out on his behavior . He denied it. He was always honest, never led me on. I didn't do anything I did not want to do. Roll eyes. True on the last part but I would not have continued things if he had been more upfront with me earlier about not wanting a relationship.

      I did not even mention anything about wanting a relationship. Just did not want friends with benefits but hinting that I wanted what we had to lead to something more.

      Will make things more clear next time.

    • Show All
    • Its fine. Certain guys will do anything to get in bed with a girl wether it is lying cheating or even slandering others name. Dnt forget dthat next time.

    • Yeah they do. Plenty of a**holes out there sadly.

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he was working out if he wanted it to go further? A month is a relatively small amount of time for a woman or a man to work out whether it should be long term or not.

    You can be happy for months then change your mind. And other relationships can develop slowly with no pressure over time.

    Maybe he felt under pressure to make a decision when he wasn't sure so that pushed him.

    He probably doesn't like hurting people so just let it go.

    Men like to feel like they are in control and can take a long time to work out there feelings. I know that's not the case for all but for a lot it is. Being told twice in one month that you didn't want casual maybe gave the impression him you want to jump in and move along fast.

    A month - 30 days, is such a small amount and in that time to get to know someone, you could just have one 'date' a week and enjoy the sensual build up and let things come naturally, rather than deciding instantly you want to get serious.