What are my options in this situation?

I'm starting to get really frustrated with this guy in my life. We dated for over a year and are close friends, but we currently go to college in different states. He broke up with me two months ago because he said we were too different and he didn't like me as much as I liked him. Since we broke up he's been hanging out more with his new friends at school and he seems to have a crush on an older girl who has no interest in him. But he still talks to me every day online for at least a few hours. Yet lately I feel like every day I am getting different signals than the day before. One day I think he's hinting that he likes me and might want to get back together when we figure things out, the next day he seems totally uninterested and I start to get angry at him for acting unsure if his decision is truly that he doesn't want to date me again.

On the one hand he will talk about arranging visits to see me, asks me what I would like for Christmas, compliments me and thanks me for the things I do (I occasionally help him edit essays or send him cookies), lightly flirts with me and even encouraged me to send a letter I wrote about our relationship and my feelings for him. He was never much of a writer but he even instigated that we should write each other a letter each week and he is very fast with his replies. I'm knitting myself some knee high socks and he offered me a button down shirt to wear with them and said he wants to see them. A couple days he has even skipped big lectures so he can do "work", but we just end up talking instead.

On the other hand, sometimes he says things that leave me confused or just plain irked. We had started flirting but then the next day he said he was uncomfortable with it. He seems to mention his crush or hanging out with friends to see if he will get a reaction from me. After he read my letter on my feelings for him (in which I said I loved him and that maybe in the future we would try again) he said he doesn't think he will want to, even though previously he had said that if his feelings changed he would be willing to date again.

I'm a really nice, caring person but some days he just makes me feel like being a bitch. I have purposely tried to establish myself as a constant, loyal presence in his life but I feel like it has led me to a low point in our friendship/relationship and I'm questioning my choice. He seems to genuinely enjoy talking to me and we don't fight or anything. But his mixed signals are making me crazy, and I feel like even if I asked him straight out, either I would get a different answer each time or he wouldn't know. Our normal conversations are enjoyable, but it has kind of gotten to the point where I am thinking of talking to him less because I am tired of what he says when the topic of "us" comes up. What would be the best thing for me to do? If you've been in his situation, do you think he's consciously toying with me or just doesn't know what he wants?


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What Guys Said 2

  • You don't want to be the last choice. Do you see when something better "he thought" came about he dumped you and ran.

    Could be he saw that he made a mistake or could be you will always be his sure thing.

    Good luck,

  • If you're as confused/miserable as you sound, better to really consider if you want to keep in contact with him at all.

    • Thanks. I'm not miserable from day to day, but my frustration is starting to build up at his mixed signals.

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