Not happy with myself

I go to a mostly white school. My Best friends are white and I have friends. I still feel like I don't completely fit in tho. Because I am black people aren't as open to me. They assume stereotypes and believe foolish things. I go to an all girl catholic school. I've been catholic since I was born.. My parents are catholic and so are my brothers. People don't believe that because I am black tho. I have never worn weave and I have pretty good hair and yet people ask me ALL THE TIME if my hair is real or not. Guys at my brother school don't really talk to me because I am black and they are white. The black guys that are there are not my type and if they are they are into white girls. I feel like I am a fat pig because I have a different shape from everyone else but I am not fat.. I'm just not super skinny. I am an athlete and my main sort is volleyball but everyone assumes basketball. People accredit my speed and vertical to the fact that I am black and not to the fact that I work out hard to improve as an athlete. People also assume I am not very smart but I take all honor classes and some classes with upperclassmen and my GPA is 4.3 which is the highest you can get at my school. I have dated black and white guys and when girls find out you dated white guys they think I am lying. Being at a mainly white school I feel like I will never completely fit in and I am becoming less comfortable with who I am day by day because of it. My question is whàt should I do to become comfortable with me again? Why can't black girls talk to all races like other people? I just want to know what stereotypes effect you and how they make you feel?(this question goes for all stereotypes of all races and people) and please don't comment about how this is another desperate cry from a black girl because it is not. I'm just curious on how stereotypes make you feel in your everyday life..


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1) Times are a'changin'. it probably is gonna result in something-along-the-lines-of mass racial integration -- even more than we have now. less 'oh you're black' more 'oh you're Lauryn' or whoever.

    2) I would consider leaving. I support Catholicism (am one myself) - but your enviornment is 'everything' in a way - I miserated through high school hun, but not when I saw my girlfriend at our locker or my friends in school. it would've been really bad otherwise. consider a 'whatever'-school - art-school, sport(? do they have those)-- sport-school. something where you can shine.

    3) black girls can be pretty attractive -- I was sort of 'sucked in' once at a barnes & noble in some state in the south when I was 18 to a vortex of love with a very pretty black girl... very smart, quiet, carried herself strong =) -- we probably would've made out in the barnes & noble cafe-backroom if we had lingered for another second. we sort of instinctively gathered by the creamer (cups (half&half loloXX)) without speaking from where she was working behind the cafe counter... it sort of was like a VERY close stand/reach... I can't explain, but it was hot & I was 'definitely interested'. lol I was about one second away from having a powerful makeout session to the side of her work counter lol. I would still be interested in seeing her =) she was hot. I don't think it's so much race as her personality & (ok) looks that drew me nearer-than-you-should, you know lol standing in a public place (she slid in front of me, bravely -- not some cooky/creepy thing -- ). lauryn hill is pretty hot - I won't name off "black girls" but honestly. black girls can strong, powerful, honest, poised - that is attractive. don't count yourself out - haha

    4) I think it would be helpful to have a 4th point. I know, I'll ask a question - you don't have to answer - are you Up North or Down South (i'm assuming you're in the Yoo Ess)? it still is pretty separated but I encourage you to watch the last Democratic National Convention video (they won't let me link) -- We are becoming super integrated. you're young & should get a good 'lift' from that in your life, if you are in a place where you are misinterpreted / misunderstood.

    Good Luck =) if you ARE (just kidding) that girl. . . . xxx


    • Thanks for the advice! I really like my school and the stereotypes come without them realizing it. It's almost unconscious because they know nothing else of how real black girls are and not the ones on TV making fools of themselves. Its almost like I'm educating people on the fact that not all black people are the same. I am up north. In the Midwest region. And I have seen the last democratic convention:)

    • Show All
    • it's not anti-Christian to leave it - it's pro you, which is pro-Christian =DDD

    • last thing - re your title - I think 'the answer' is maybe you're unhappy with your city/school - that sounds like the answer you might -- & rightfully -- & be fishing for. however it goes, good luck. also I could've hyphenated pro-you (*pushes up glasses as he snivvels his nostril...* lol) - =)

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What Guys Said 1

  • That must be really hard :/ but I want to say that you should try and find your security in Christ and you will be able to feel comfortable with yourself no matter what. Its a hard struggle for me, but you can do it! He is with you!


What Girls Said 2

  • im Spanish and have dealt w racist idiots most of my life and more so after having biracial babies,my daughter is now 27 and has the same issues,except she hates being half black,never understood why anyone would let other ignorant people make them hate themselves or question their own worth,dont let this stuff suck you in,u keep achieving,take example from OUR president,do you know how much racial crap that man has endured in the WHITEhouse? He doesn't let it stop him,he is on a mission,the republiKKKans give him grief,eff them..we are ALL Gods children and no one on this earth is the CHOSEN one,be strong girl, high school is a rough place,once you get out and go to college w real grown folks you will look back at all this as childish ignorant BS

  • Okay, you need to stop allowing white culture to brainwash you and make you hate yourself like it's done to practically every ethnic group in the world. Stop glorifying whiteness. Stop apologizing for your ethnic features because they don't look white.

    You feel fat? Take your ass ot the gym and go work out. Go gain muscle. Play a sport, start dancing! DO SOMETHING. Rather than just sitting on your ass, feeling insecure and helpless about your weight but putting no effort into changing it.

    Hair - there is no such thing as "good hair". Hair that doesn't look like a white girl's hair isn't bad hair. That's you and your disgustingly glorification of white culture talking.

    You probably don't like the black guys because you don't like yourself and they remind you that you're black, which you clearly want to forget.

    You just need to chill and stop being so overly concerned what others think about you. Stop relating everything to race and learn to love yourself