Are we a couple or a couple of roommates?

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and the affection was very much there. After his inguinal hernia surgery (I supported him emotionally, physically, and financially). After that, I read a message about him meeting up with an old flame using my car. Claims he never went, but no proof, so have no idea. Since then, things started to diminish (to now non-existing). This has been an ongoing issue. Every day, I sit on the chase on one side, and he sits on the couch. No effort on his part to initiate anything more than dinner. Tried the damsel in distress saying I was cold while he had the covers. . . this dame got her own cover after it was ignored. I have tried talking to him, but that turns into him shutting down and me feeling worse. Tried positive reinforcement. Initiating it, you ask? I try to lay on him, but there's always an excuse to get up, or he "gets too uncomfortable easily".

There are only three pop kisses a day at the most: Goodbye, Goodnight, "Random" after I pick him up from work. Yes, you read right, I take him to work and wait an hour to pick him back up. We joke around about us being like Zack and Miri because I wake him up and we ride everywhere. Only time the kisses are open mouth/in any romantic gestures are in the morning when he goes to exit my car, and I am not a morning person.

This lack of affection is really affecting our biweekly sex life (during the afternoon on a Sunday in the living room). Never get kissed for that either. Well, it affects me anyway. If he doesn't ring the bell, he then tells me to finish it myself and he zones out to the TV if I do so. There have been attempts to spice things up, but that didn't get things going. He lost interest within minutes of me dressing up like a cop. Our night at a hotel didn't even involve cuddling. Got rejected when trying to wake him up enough to want to fool around. Only hot day we had was when he used syrup in the kitchen. Tried to rekindle that, but that never gets very far.

So, when is there decent interaction? All I pretty much get is the flirty/picking on each other type in the car or in a store. As soon as we get home, it all stops and we just sit on the furniture until bed. You would think that would encourage some intimacy. We are full size people on two separate full size mattresses (we thought we bought a queen on Craigslist, but we got screwed over). We can both fit on a full size, but with him being over six feet and 360+ lbs, it does not give him much space to sprawl out without me being scared to stretch and fall off.

He claims that he wants to be more affectionate/sexual, but at this point, they are just words coming out of his mouth. I try to accept it, but he sees the disappointed look in my face constantly. I have even taken a brief break in the relationship due to this issue. I am 28 and he is 31, why are we acting like this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • First, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, his weight may be factoring in to his being lethargic.

    Two, it sounds like he may be a victim of extremely lowered testosterone levels, since he doesn't seem to be interested in anything, even you when you dress up like a cop. (hot btw!)

    Three, you have definitely tried everything that I could suggest doing at home. The only other thing that I can think of is to get him to the doctor or something about low testosterone levels and see if that does anything for you. Because at 31 his sex drive should still be going strong even if he is the kind of guy that gets bored in a relationship.

    I would talk to a doctor on your own first to see what he would suggest if you want to proceed with the testosterone theory, most men don't take the allegation of having low testosterone levels kindly.

    • There are some horribly accurate truths on here. This person knows what they're talkin' 'bout

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What Guys Said 1

  • It sounds like you should never have been together in the first place. The question is not why you are acting this way, but why you put up with it, and don't make the breif break a permanent condition!


What Girls Said 1

  • IDK! I don't think it's related to his surgery.