Do I just LACK 'dating appeal' ?

I'm very well aware of all the things that make one "date-able" such as personality, confidence, appearance, etc. and I've painstakingly gone over myself with a fine-toothed comb.

But does the fact that I'm a "good-boy" make me undate-able? I mean "good-boy" in the sense that I'm the type of guy who doesn't think with his junk, doesn't party all that often, isn't constantly hitting on girls, but has a "heart of gold" as many people have told me. I am a LITTLE bit shy at first, but NO MORE than anyone else is. I'm just like anyone else I know, but dare I say, without the "toxicity."

When I see my friends who have girls, they've all hooked up while drunk at parties, done "stuff", then they're an item all of a sudden. Or something along those lines.

+++ So here is what I want help with:

If I want someone, even a short-term thing, am I supposed to be doing all that stuff I don't do? Why if it's not who I am?

Where do I meet girls who will good matches for me? Please don't say "By doing things you like" because it never happens for me. People who say this make it sound like you just sign up for something, and there will be girls perfectly suited for you, ripe for the picking. Has never worked like that for me.

Also, I HATE when people say "Be patient, the right girl will come along." Why? Because I look around and see people cycling through endless dating opportunities - while I must sit and wait patiently.

Please read this post carefully, because I'm looking for very SPECIFIC answers.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Usually girls fall for boys who treat them as s**t. They don't call regularly, they don't text first, they mess with their heads, but girls don't want to let them go. You just have to be yourself. Imagine you've partying all day and night and hooked up with some girl. After a while (because it looks from your description that you're not a partying type) you wouldn't be able to pretend anymore and that girl will think you're fake. If you want to meet someone nice, go to a party (1 or 2 ) with your friends, there must be some nice girls there (usually they're standing on the side, holding their drink, looking around, usually people don't notice them). If that's not your thing, maybe a hangout with a group of friends and some people with whom are they hanging out (because people in their twenie meet potential boyfriend or Girlfriend in their circle of friends). Doing things you like doesn't necessary mean a hoby, sports and etc., it can mean gong to your favorite bookshop, cafĂ©, restaurant or CD store. If you see someone interesting there, you can start the conversation with a vity comment about CD or book. If you're with a group of friends, you can tell some jokes, talk about something exciting that happened to you, something that's interesting but what won't make you look stupid or humiliated. The patience thing is true. Usually people have to have their hart broken 3 times to finally find a person that's perfect for them (I read this somewhere). That happens because we're busy persuading persons for whom we think they're good for us, but we're noticing others around us and when we realize that those others are there, it's usually to late. Next time you see a girl you like or think just she's cute, go over, talk to her, if you don't know her ask a friend to introduce you or make up a silly situation so you could start a conversation. When you feel it's time, take her number, ask her out. If you click-OK, if not, still OK because you tried. The most important thing is not to give up and keep on trying. Hope I helped.


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What Girls Said 6

  • If it isn't who you are, you can't force yourself to be that way. You just won't be happy.

    If you genuinely want to hook up and not be committed- just be to the point.

    I've been doing the online dating thing for a while. Many of the dates I go on are misses, but I went on one recently that was a total hit.

    It gets you out there, talking and dating.

    Personally, I like guys that have a good boy element, but also the "bad boy element." I'm not talking about drugs/illegal activity. I'm talkin, the guy is smart. nice, funny, but has a level of spontenaity, surprise and whatnot. I like knowing that I am safe with a guy, but when he's got an element of mystery and surprise to him.

  • Well, what are you looking for exactly?. Do you know, a lot of us ask for one thing but our actions show something else and that's what we attract, who we are believe it or not...personally I had some self improvement and I try to become the person that I want to attract, wether relationships , friendships, even casual encounter its a mind state (the law of attractio) sometimes the answer is in front of our faces and we ignore them, also...I also know regarding relationships its not all about who You like,..but who likes U.

  • Don't sit and wait patiently go up to a girl you like and just TALK to her. Its hard at first but then its easy. Like a few days ago I saw these two guys and I said hi... because I'm weird and like to be friendly and smile and say hi... anywho they said hi too, then I was like what are you doing around here blah blah blah, and just like that we had a good conversation. You do that and then ask for her number and say we should hang out some time. Don't over thinking don't be nervous just act cool. And if the girl doesn't wanna talk or say hi or whatever it doesn't matter because she's not the only women on the planet. That's how you meet people by engaging and putting yourself out other.

  • Sorry to say, it just might not happen for you! Not everyone finds someone, and it's best to learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else anyways. So I'm going to tell you exactly what you don't want to hear: you just have to wait. But in the mean time, concentrate on bettering yourself and being happy alone. Best of luck!(:

  • Good lord, to me this sounds like a rant. I think you aren't looking for advise/answer you are just looking to hear something you want to hear/confirm to either boost your ego or to lift a load of your shoulders. You don't want to hear you will meet the right girl in time.. Well you know fine well most girls/guys are going to say that. What do you actually want people to say. That girls are heartless bitches and ignorw the good guys and choose the guy who cones across more confidant more funny more endering. Than the shy guy who won't talk to much

  • Hi, guy. Go to church, you will find wholesome girls who want a good guy.


What Guys Said 1

  • Aiighty then, dude. I read every word of your post. There is one quote that I must pull outta here, that I think truly is your problem:

    "isn't constantly hitting on girls"


    Imo this is the ONLY thing you need to fix.

    Let's think about dating mathematically and metaphorically here.

    Let's say the odds of you going on a date with a female is a 10% probability, as in you blindly reach in a bag of 100 marbles, with 90 black marbles and 10 pink marble, and pulling out a pink one.

    The more iterations you have, the more chances you will have at getting a pink marble.

    The guys that you talk about that "hooked up while drunk at parties"...let me tell you a secret; they grabbed a lot of black marbles before they got that pink one that night!

    They may not talk about being rejected by girls. A lot of guys don't. Sh*t, I know that *I* don't lol. But it happens ALOT! You see them making out with girls at parties, but you didn't see them get turned down over and over again, because they simply "play it off", being casual about it because they know that having a 100% success rate with girls is IMPOSSIBLE!


    Frankly, these other guys that get girls, no matter how high a level of "toxicity" they have, or how much "better of a catch" you think you are (which is perfectly fine to think this way in moderation)...


    ...THOSE GUYS reach in that damn bag a lot more than you do, therefore they get more pink marbles than you do. Some guys literally approach 4 or more different girls a DAY!


    If a guy approaches 4 different a day, at a 10% probability to say yes to his advances (getting her number, setting up a date, etc), that means (and I did the math on this), that he is at 34% odds to get at least one girl to say "yes" to his advances.

    If he does this for just five days out of the week, approaching 20 girls a week, he is at a 87% odds to get at least one girl to say "yes" to his advances that week.

    If he does this for a month, approaching 80 girls in a week, he is at at 99.97% odds to get at least one girl to say "yes" to his advances.


    My bad for the nerdiness, but the point is...these other guys may have less to offer than you, but they talk to girls. Continuously. If one says no, they casually move on to the next one.

    I'm not saying to approach 20 girls in a week. If you approach 20 girls in a MONTH, you 7 out of 8 odds to get one girl's number that month!

    So go talk to girls! They're social creatures, and trust ME...they get sick and tired of the only guys having the balls to approach them are the "bad apples". Do her a favor and go up to her, say hi, say something about the venue you're at to break the ice, and ask her about herself.

    Do this 20 times a month, and the #'s are in your favor to get that pink marble! :-D


    My rant is over. I wrote a lot; dammit, I hope this helps you lol.

    You can add me as a friend if you want. :-P