How do I get him to respect boundaries and go play off with all of his dates elsewhere?!

I thought Roommate liked me when he'd drop innuendo. He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend and just 2 days later - organizing a date with a girl from a club. He also told me about how he has gone from one relationship to the next habitually over 9 nears (7 girls in 9 years).

My heart broke, so I pulled away and limited contact. We used to talk all night about everything and naturally I got sick of that baseless cycle when I realized he wasn't interested.

Anyway, after pulling away - he said to me 'i get sad when you spend time in your room, miss the fun we have...' but I literally spend a few hours watching movies plus cleaning it up...he's acting weird about it - BOUNDARIES!?

How do I get him to respect boundaries and go play off with all of his dates elsewhere?! If he wants psychoanalysis or in-depth discussion - deal with a girlfriend or see a therapist! I'm so sick of his crap!

  • Just be the 'flatmate' - keep your boundaries up.
    Vote A
  • Keep having the 1:1, in-depth time with him
    Vote B
  • He's insecure and needy - just be the 'flatmate' - BOUNDARIES
    Vote C
  • You got played - he used you as a therapist!
    Vote D
  • Move out when you can - psycho!!
    Vote E
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What Guys Said 1

  • I voted E but I don't think anybody is a psycho in the situation. I just think it's an absolutely awful idea to live with somebody you clearly are interested in but aren't together with. You were probably the emotional relationship. You were the person they get their emotional needs from until they can find somebody that can perform both duties, physical and emotional needs. He goes from girl to girl because the relationships with them are shallow and physical based, while you were the emotional relationship that he felt safe with. While it appears selfish on his part, if he had no idea you were interested like that, then really he might have just viewed it as a great friendship.

    Clearly you two are on different pages and it won't end well. I've been in your shoe (but I didn't live with the person), and it was a terrible choice not to cut contact with her sooner. Her idea of friendship an my idea of friendship were two different things, and needless to say things ended poorly. This is only going to keep hurting the longer he's in your life.

    • Well it wasn't intentional it just happened that way and you can't stop 'life'.

      Doesn't make me feel very good as a woman - if I'm just an emotional resource not physical also. I'm not exactly 'ugly' but also not flawless (who is?). Anyway, that's my issue to contend with.

      Thanks for your input - interesting, and sorry to hear about your hurt ! Hopefully this won't end like that. Doubt it will, I'm pretty disciplined and will just get 'busy' with my own life again (which is a good thing!) :)

    • Show All
    • fair point - just as every woman has her likes and dislikes. I'm a bit 'pan-sexual' in that way I think. It's not so much about the physical for me, more about their inner workings, how they think, what makes them feel inspired - etc. It's strange I suppose - most women seem to have a 'type'. There's not any similaraties between the men I've dated in the past except that they are intellectual!

    • Nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own thing. As long as you're honest with yourself it's all good. (Many people deny a certain thing matters or doesn't matter to them because they feel it makes them seem A. Shallow B. Intolerant or C. It's socially acceptable and they don't want to appear abnormal.) But if you're honest with yourself, it's just a matter of time before you find that somebody special.

What Girls Said 1

  • He likes having you as a friend and he likes the stability of you, but he doesn't sound mature enough for a relationship. If he was mature enough to handle it, I'd say he wants you, but he's not there, not yet.

    The only way to get him to go play with his dates elsewhere is to tell him it makes you uncomfortable, but that's probably going to be a fight. Most girls go back to the guy's place. Guys are supposed to be able to have sex when and where they want in their own homes.

    Be his friend and let him know you support him, if you do, but be firm when you tell him that he needs to respect you and your space, or else he never will.