Am I doing things too right?

I'm baffled. As far as I can tell, and I've done a lot of thinking, I'm a pretty dang normal gal. I'm consider myself fairly confident, attractive enough, fit, well educated, and kindness is a huge priority for me. I try to live my life in the best way I know how. But I keep striking out. I am really careful to seem interested but not clingy, confident but not intimidating, fun and flirty but not dull-minded. I go on lots of first dates, always get a sweet follow up text, follow their communication pace and style... but haven't been asked on a second date in a while. It's really starting to do a number on my confidence and I've started feeling social anxiety, which has been totally foreign to me in the past. I AM COMPLETELY CONFUSED and let down. I've had successful relationships in the past but its been a while now...I'm ready to find my person- the guy I jive with and... I'm starting to lose hope. Any suggestions? Advice? I'm ALL ears.


Most Helpful Guy

  • My take on this is that you have been hanging out with the type that is not your 'target market'. You basically offer more 'value' than the average girl, which probably also makes you harder to manipulate (you seem rather perceptive), and all that could very well be bringing up the questions in your dates' minds as to whether they can be a meaningful match to you, whether they are in your league or worse (a lot of beta males prefer women who can do their bidding and don't show too much independent thought find those harder to control as intimidating).

    Your target market should actually be guys who share your visions (e.g. striving to be one's best self), as they will be the ones who will appreciate you what you have on offer. Remember, that combination of factors that you mention in your question already puts you in a different league.

    There is nothing to be confused about - it just sounds to me that, until now, you have been laying the proverbial pearls before the proverbial swine.

    • This is great advice. I need to find a way to be around more guys in my target market :)

    • Whre to aim for your target market is a whole separate question, but I think you would have by now figured out who definitely ISN'T your target market! All the best of luck finding the one!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Stay away from formal dating, where guys mostly want casual hook-ups. They sense you want more, and so they don't ask you for a second date. Try meeting guys in a more 'organic' way. Join a club for people with inerests simiar to yours, go to places where you'll meet people who have your interests, and don't waste time with randomly dating guys wo ight be anything.

    • I like the idea if meeting guys organically but I'm LDS the dating culture I was raised in is pretty formal. To me, casual hook ups/hang outs don't really lead to anything lasting or well founded. I think relationships should begin with dates and lead to spending more and more time just hanging out as the relationship progresses. Am I way too old fashioned?

    • No, you should be MOE old fashioned!

What Girls Said 1

  • You seem to have everything right to me, but remember that if you really are that valuable and true to yourself, then you need to find a man who is true and valuable to himself too. To me, you're not the one with the problem, it's the guys you've been going on first dates with who have the problem but remember that everyone is different and have different interests in people. If they never wanna go for more dates then they probably aren't really looking for a relationship, the kind that you wanna be in that is. You're probably looking in all the wrong places for that sort of happiness so I suggest that you try not being the one approaching and that you try going to places where there's more people you can actually relate to to meet.. I also think you should maybe try giving the guy a hint that'll make them wanting to come back for you more if all else doesn't work.. hope I helped some c: