Going to far on the first date. What should I do?

I am 20 years old and my date is 23. We went out yesterday and had a blast and went back to his place where we watched a movie, talked, and joked like buddies. My date was very respectful and not aggressive at all. As things progressed and we got closer on the couch, we went from not touching each other at all most of the day to passionately kissing, touching, basically drooling over each other like sex crazed maniacs. We could've had sex, part of me REALLY wanted to but I couldnt. I want him to respect me and put in time with me. I didn't have sex with him on the first date because he would think I'm easy and a hoe. I have never even french kissed anyone on the first date before. So:

1.how do we continue on from last night in a "normal" way? I was going to invite him over to a house party my family and building is having, but I don't want to scare him into thinking that because of last night that I'm getting too serious about him.

2. I want to have sex with him but I also want to be in a relationship with him. How do I fix what I have done?

Im in a dilemma because how do you get into relationships knowing that its not going to last but yet you still want it.
@ Toulouse:No, I want a normal relationship. I kind of have the "bases" set up in my mind and I ALWAYS follow them and last night was the exception. I didn't sleep with him or do anything. When I say its not going to last, I mean I think what we did was out of what I normally do on first dates. I went in the house with him because he wasn't sexual towards me the whole date almost like friends. No flirting, touching, etc. We went in to eat with his roommate and ended up watching a movie...etc.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm gonna be honest, you should not have gone back to his house after the FIRST DATE. That alone diminishes your value. Its not something a high status chick would do because you don't even really know the guy, or at least you just started dating and he hasn't put in work yet. You shouldn't have gone back to his house. Luckily for you he was a gentleman because some guys are not.

    Dont invite him to a house party. If you want him to see you seriously like relationship material keep most of your initial dates out of houses. He needs to properly date you, like take you out to movies, dinners, events etc. Don't let him get used to doing casual no effort things with you.

    Set the tone. Since you've made out with him and touched him you can't really go back but it doesn't have to mean you go further or do it every time you all hang out. Keep him out of your house and stay out of his until you get more serious, just see him out in public and don't see him THAT often. Go on 2/3 dates a week at the most. He should miss you and think about you when you're not around, not always know where you are because he just saw you and just talked to you.

    If he likes you and wants to be your boyfriend then he'll try to lock you down quickly. If not then f*** it.

    • she WANTED to ma out with him. how does that make her an inferior person. for doing what she wanted to do.

      do you think she should look down on him for touching her?

    • Thank you so much for being honest. That was the best advice. I will stay away from situations where we are alone. We are going on a date again where he is paying and taking me out. Just yesterday went wrong. Thanks again!

    • Nobody said she's an inferior person and should be looked down on. Unfortunately, she will be judged by men. I'm just telling the truth no matter how hypocritical and judgmental it may be. They can both enjoy hooking up, but that same guy will judge her as "not girlfriend material and just for hookups" when it's time for him to get in a relationship. I didn't make the rules

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Look, if he's the sort of guy who really looks down on girls who fool around without having sex, then you're screwed.

    But tons of guys are -not- like that. In fact, emphasizing the fact it was hard NOT to have sex is probably a plus - shows you try but really liked him, which is a plus.

    Go ahead and ask him out.

    And don't be afraid to tell him that you don't have -sex- outside of a relationship, although its sometimes really, really, really tempting.


What Girls Said 2

  • do w/e you want if you like hanging out with him. do w/e feels right.

    what do you mean you know its not going to last. because you made out? do you want to be with guy who can't respect you?

    meaning respect that you are sexual. not respect you unless yip are sexual.

    • I understand. and what I'm saying is has it occurred to u., that you think its reasonable that just because you were with someone in a way you wanted to be with them that that's grounds for things to blow up. you think ths is respectful towards yourself.,

      aso if you think its going to end, why even think of it.

      i think you don't fully believe what you're saying. and I hope you dont.

      u did nothing wrong. continue seeing him. if he backs out because you did what you wanted without hurting anyone-f*** it

    • Agree. Thank you. I was thrown off today by that. Thanks a bunch!

    • *thrown off by everything that happened yesterday.

  • Call him up and just tell him that there's a party and if he wanted to come, don't be too serious about it it's not a big deal after all. And you can continue dating like you did, just adding making out. You said he wasn't aggressive so I doubt he would ask to have sex on your next date anyway. Get him involved into a sex talk, again this should be a relaxed convo. Ask when he usually starts a sexual relationship, pretend to be curious and wanna get to know him :)

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