Why is online dating so frustrating?

Hi All!

This is my very first question ever, so please bear with me if this has been asked before. Why is it so tough to get responses from women on dating sites? I feel that I am quite the eligible bachelor but I can't seem to get responses, or the responses I get are lame/uninspired. Before you begin to ponder my question please know that I've done my homework and I am aware that usually the most desirable of men tend to have luck with dating online. While I don't consider myself to be that awesome, surely I'm above average? Quick about me:

-I am reasonably attractive

-In shape

-Well educated

-Make a lot more money than other guys in my age group

-Slightly above average height

-Dress well (I'm aware that this is subjective)

-I never send out dry initial messages, I try to entice women with a question based on what's in their profile

So what are your thoughts? Does race place a hand in this? Is it me that is the problem? Should I temper my expectations?


*UPDATE* Thanks to everyone for responding. I've learned that I need to limit my expectations with online dating because women get more messages

than men, and that perhaps I should make more of an effort to meet people in real life because so few women take online dating seriously.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I've never done online dating myself but my friend just recently tried. She tried free pages so there may be a difference, but she got 43 mails during the first 24 hours and she didn't even put up a picture yet. However most of the mails were just damn weird, so it may just be kinda to filter out the real ones.

    I don't know what you are writing but really don't try too hard. Just introduce yourself and say you found her profile interesting (maybe specifiy what you found interesting) and would love to talk sometimes. Don't use any pick up lines, jokes (unless it come very natural to you), make inappropriate comments, comment on her looks... just keep it simple.

    Also look over your proflie again. Do you some 'never evers' . Even with some of the good mails she got, she looked at some of the profiles and some guys said stuff like "I would never have children" "I would never move outside of the city" but well she wants to, so she didn't even respond.

    • Thanks for your response. I'll give the 'never evers' a shot.

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    • well I would think they're less likeley to be on non - free sites because obviously they don't wanna spend money on it.

      But i.e if they are having pictures showing them with very short clothes posing for the camera, they're probably there for the attention. Obviously if they say all the want is fun, that usually means all they want is some fun. Or if they list partying or srinking as their hobby

    • Thanks for the advice! Going forward I will take this into consideration when deciding to message someone or not.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 6

  • first of all you just listed some qualities about yourself. If that's what your putting on your dating site then your not going to get much. you need to list some personality, something that would get those girls attention.

    now I will answer the original Q. There are some men out there who just lie lie lie and so nodoby knows what's true or not. You could easily say that you won the nobel prize for something insane or have a million dollars.

    I have also experienced being in a virtual world (I know its not a dating site but still) and some random guy would aske me the most perverted questins. Wondering what my bra size is, if I would go out with them and so on.

    and race has nothing to do with it.

    hope it helps.

    • Very true. Qualities about yourself are easy to lie about, but you can't really conceal your personality. Not for too long at least lol. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

  • online dating is horrible go out to a club or something good luck with your dating life I thinkif you actually go out you'll find someone

    • Thanks for the response! I try to get out, but clubs and bars are only really good for hookups.. I'm seeking something more. I will take your advice though.

  • There might be many reasons as to why the women don't answer.

    Maybe they are intimidated? Maybe they have been really busy or have met someone special already? Maybe they are thinking of the perfect response?

    What site are you on? Is it a good and reputable one?

    Re-check your site also to make sure that you didn't make any mistakes.

    Race mightttt play a part. I have some friends who only date certain races, and know a lot of people whose parents would not approve if their children did not date within their own race...

    However, if this has been happening with multiple people then it is probably not just race.

    You sound and look good to me.

    I would probably guess that they are intimidated or feel that you wouldn't go for them or something. Maybe they are wondering what your flaws are.

  • First if all, you're really cute so you shouldn't have problems meeting girls in real life. And also it might be because if your age, you seem young and I feel like most people online dating are older. As in upper 20s

    Maybe they're not responding because they feel you're too young to want to find someone with the intention of settling down

    Plus it's online. It's shady. There are for sure people who really do want to meet someone but those people are few and in between. So don't take it personally. It's not you, it's them

    • Thanks for your comment and kind words :). I'll be 23 this Friday, and I can see how this could be considered young for online dating.

    • i agree with her..find someone near by! lol

  • I don't know how you're not pulling more girls. You're very attractive and sound educated. Online dating is just difficult for men in general. A lot of girls sit back and enjoy the ego boost.

    • Thank you :). Other posters below have mentioned that women get an insane amount of messages on dating sites. No doubt a good portion of women use dating sites for the ego boost.

  • As a women I have tried it in the past not being serious about it at all, just to talk with guys, then I get bored and do something else. I would never seriously date someone online because I think if you need to meet someone online then you are probably weird socially or don't have enough time to date... or you are hiding something... or you are just looking for sex... There is just too many things to worry about and that the person could not be telling you are showing you, people put their best image online(whether they realize or not) and that image is very rarely true/complete...

    • Good points. I'll chalk this one up in the "temper my expectations" category. Thank you!

What Guys Said 6

  • The anonymity of the web makes people more willing to share info, but also more willing to lie and less willing to meet IRL. They also tend to look with their eyes since that's the only thing they can really use, so they go looking at exactly what they want rather than sifting through what's there. Been there and did it myself.

    I've met several girls online but never at dating sites. Mutual interests.

  • What percent response rate do you get?

    What do you try to do on initial message?

    Have you had some women review your profile?

    • I would say I get a response for every 50 messages I send out. Usually I say hello, state my name, and then ask a simple question about her profile. To dull?

      Also, I will definitely have a female friend review my profile. Thanks!

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    • luck with online dating also went -straight- to asking for coffee or a drink on message one. He said a lot of women are just online to get attention. He'd say something about their profile, that they seemed interesting, and would they be interested in meeting for a quick drink or coffee? Basically if that plus your profile doesn't make them want to meet for 15 minutes, its probably not happening.

      Profile should be literate, show your interests, and show you, looking good and sociable.

    • All very good points my friend. The link you provided is insightful also! Thank you.

  • Cause its way too easy for lie to lie and exaggerate details online. Plus there's TONS of competition from other guys usually.

  • You look like a freakin stud bro. Why you trying online dating? Just walk into a gym looking like you do in your other pic, maybe wear expensive workout clothing/gear

  • You sound like an egotistical jackwagon that's full of himself.

    • Please understand that I did not mean to come across that way. Re-reading my question though, I can see how I may have presented myself as such. Perhaps women sense that sort of tone in my profile and in-turn avoid my messages. Thanks for the advice!

    • Try easing it up a little bit. Try asking them about themselves and making your first message more about them than yourself. If they're interested they'll look at your profile.

  • Women traditionally can get laid easier, get a mate easier and can be more picky. Women get 439857329857423 messages a day on a dating site and men might get 10 a week unless he is obviously gorgeous, successful, funny etc