How to message a guy on an online dating site?

I'm retrying the online dating thing. I've sent out a few messages to guys but I don't think I ever got a response. I wonder if something in my mesage was off-putting or if they didn't find me attractive, etc.

This is something I was thinking of sending:

Hey, I don't usually message guys on here but I saw your profile and thought you seemed pretty put together and interesting. I was wondering if you might be interested in getting to know each other further?


Is that message ok? by the way, the guys I'm interested in are well-educated and intelligent, more on the geeky side but attractive. (I think I have the same characteristics).


Most Helpful Guy

  • If I were a guy I would like a woman to message me something along the lines of:

    "Hey, how's it going? I noticed you're a fan of The Walking Dead, don't you just hate the wait till Feb. for the show to come back on? Anyway, I really enjoy going to live shows as well. *short personal story of a memorable concert experience*. What's your most memorable experience at a show?"

    We don't want to hear about how you don't usually message guys on here. What's it going to accomplish? It comes off like "you should be impressed somebody like me would message you" which is TOTALLY not the signal you want to be sending haha, even if it's true that you rarely message guys on there. It also says you probably have high standards/expectations. I could go further, but basically it just sends a bunch of negative undertones haha.

    Next, don't ask yes or no questions. As for that last question, he can either say "Yes" or "No", and from there your message literally gave him NOTHING to work with. Not to mention there's nothing to indicate what specifically made you message him even though you "don't usually message guys on here", so it might feel like this is just some generic message you send. I know when I come across a profile that really wows me I let them know why, because even if they don't respond back, they know what characteristic(s) stood out to prompt such interest.

    Also, asking whether they might be interested in getting to know you further is a pointless question. If they are, they're going to respond to whatever kind of open ended question you ask/respond to your message in general. If they aren't interested, they aren't going to message you regardless of what you said/asked. So the question doesn't really accomplish anything since his interested is implied if/when he messages you back.

    The message I wrote above was personal both to my interest and something that happened in her life. She made a connection to me on a personal level by expressing a mutual interest in something I like, and shared a personal story that lets me make a personal connection to her. Then she prompted me to reciprocate a personal story of my own, which allows me to open up a bit and also gives me something to work with in my response.

    As for your level of attraction, that's a matter of personal preference and none of us can say either way unless we saw a picture of you. But judging by your message, you're just being too vague and impersonal.

    • Hey, thanks for the BA!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I think it'd be better to just start a conversation with him about something you noticed in his profile, particularly what you found interesting! It's a win-win situation.


What Girls Said 1

  • ive been on pof for about 2 years, met some men, and otherwise. A lot of people on dating sites are there for attention, so don't take it too personally if some don't contact you back. I think your message sounds great to send, although Id leave off the "hey, I don't usually message guys on here." part. But say what you wrote, I find your profile interesteing and would you be interested in getting to know each other further?

    • I also forgot to add, you can look for similarities in his profile that you like, maybe he likes animals or the same tast in music, and point that out, or maybe comment on a cute pic he has posted.