Fell for a player, Feel like an idiot

I fell for a guy who appears to be a player. He told me he's not looking for a relationship, but he's also said he's recently started to think of marriage as something he wants. The reason why he's not looking for a relationship is because he wants to relocate.

I'd say his a player, but not sure that's the correct term. He appears to like the company and attention of girls, likes to chat to them on dating sites, but I've got no idea how promiscuous he is.

He had casual sex with me, but says he hasn't done it in ages with anyone else. When I asked why he said because the girls were "good girls" and he didn't wanna be "that guy" since he's not after a relationship. I asked him "why me then, you think I'm not a good girl?" and he said it's different because I don't live in his hometown. Stupidly, in that moment, I thought that maybe he'd start to see more in me. Yeah, stupid I know.

Well fastforward to now (this happened 3 weeks ago), he seems to avoid talking to me although I know he's online. A couple of days after we had sex he said he'd like to stay in touch although with his plans for the future there's not much of a chance of us seeing each other again.

It seems that I fell for him, although I know it's wrong! What to do? Tell him outright that I've got feelings and feel a bit rejected after we had sex? Ignore him (that's gonna be hard though) to show him that I'm not desperate and if he prefers to talk to chicks on his online dating sites then good for him? Just don't want to appear needy or clingy, but I kinda want him to know that his behavior was sorta sh*t. He's not written in 3 days but I know he was on the dating sites every single day.


Most Helpful Girl

  • He used you. Bottom line. He fits the description of a player whether he wants to call himself one or not. He is only looking out for himself and his sexual interests and lack of emotional interests with no consideration of how that may put you in a sticky situation and make you feel bad.

    If a guy is avoiding talking to you, then that's a very bold passive aggressive message. When a guy wants to talk to you, he will no matter what. He will find some way to keep up communication. I've dated some of the busiest guys and they have said to me "We can meet up whenever wherever you want to. I'll make time in my schedule for you." meaning that if a guy really likes you, he is going to find the time to be in your presence. Think about it; you may get busy, but for those people in your life who are really special, you are going to find the time to make for them to see them or at least talk to them.

    Yes, sweetie; his behavior was sh*t, but you played right into it. You told him with your actions that you were okay with being "the girl you have sex with and not the girl who makes you want a relationship" and now you have to deal with that. I think you need to stop talking to him.

    • Thanks for your response. Yes, I agree, I always found it weird when people say they're too busy (not necessarily to me) because I always have time if I want to have time. I am going to stop sending him messages, if he messages me, I don't think I'll respond. It irks me a bit that I was so stupid. I feel fairly cheap now, but hopefully this feeling will pass soon enough.

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    • *did you ask a question about this the other day?*

      I really think you just need to let him go. He sounds like a playing a**hole who was just on good behavior so he could get in your pants and now that he got what he wanted, he's gone and onto the next one.

    • Yes. I think you're right. I need to accept this for what it was.

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  • honestly you are better off ignoring him I am sorry it will hurt now but cutting him out is the only way to get over it

    • Yes, that's what I'm going to do!