He's wishy-washy, what should I do? Insight would be much appreciated

Been seeing each other for 7 months. Started casual, but developed into weekends/days together, going to dinner, movies (he'd pay), & fun places he knew about. 5 months in, I met his immediate family at the birthday dinner they threw for him; that he only invited me to. Met his friends and went to a family reunion. He initiates 9/10 of our conversations via text as well as our plans to see each other. He drives to pick me & take me home for our weekends (he lives 30 min away).

All wonderful gestures that I appreciate so much & try to show my gratitude by telling him, baking for him, once giving a gift he loved.

But he's strange. He'll go from being super into me (saying he misses me and other sweet things, texting me more, etc) one week to being sort of distant another.

We got in a tiff a while ago & he still hasn't apologized. I've forgiven him & apologized for my side, but I expect some accountability for his. He generally goes away & comes back later when there is tension.

I haven't seen him in 6 weeks now. One free weekend he had a month ago he spent with his neighbor (who's a girl that he sees all the time. She lives with her boyfriend but it's still weird). I wasn't upset that he hung with her, but that he didn't make any attempt to see me.

That whole next week he kept telling me I'm special, that he missed me like crazy & that I'm his "Ace" (his nickname for me). I initiated plans for the weekend. Friday morning he confirmed he was free & asked what time he can get me. I asked if 1:30pm was cool & he never responded. He called twice around one but I didn't hear his calls because I was helping my hurt mom. He blew me off for 4 hours despite me calling & texting a few times, leaving a voice mail explaining what happened but he responded within one minute to my friend.

I texted him: "I'd like to talk to you on the phone, but I've tried calling 4 times to no avail so I'll have to text. I feel extremely hurt and disrespected right now because you've been blowing me off for the past 4 hours. As I explained in my voice mail and texts to you, I was helping my hurt mother with something, didn't hear my phone despite it being on me and was not notified til later. I'm clearly sorry for that. I'm tired of being treated this way. It hurts so painfully much. It's hard for me to trust the kind things you say to me when you're not acting kindly. It's hard to keep making excuses for you. I feel it's time for me to move on and be available for someone who will treat me with respect and make me a priority. Someone who cares about me and my feelings. I hope and pray for good things for you, and that you find what you're looking for."

Over 24 later, he texts: "Man, I didn't mean to stand you up like that. I started on my way up there, but when you didn't answer I turned around. I was a little upset at the time so I didn't answer my phone. I didn't mean to make you so upset. I want you to be happy. I guess I should've been responsive. You're my ace and I miss you."

I texted him 2 hrs later saying: "From my angle, nothing was set in stone since you never said whether 1:30 was good for you or not. I was waiting to see what worked on your end. I'm sorry I upset you, but clearly we needed better communication. I don't even know what to do now.. I'm just hurt and confused. I've grown to care for you more than I've realized. That became very apparent today."

Then a little later: "I just.. I don't know.. I appreciate you responding to me. I miss you too."
For 11 days, he did not breathe a word to me. I did not contact him, seeing it as his turn since I had been so honest. After 11 days he texts me: "What's up", then 2 minutes later: "Well more precisely, I was listening to All Songs Considered (an NPR show) while eating ramen noodles and you took over my brain."

I haven't said anything back & that was 3 days ago. I don't know what to think or feel, or what I should do.
I'm not being silent to be vindictive, but I just honestly don't know what to say. He hasn't bothered to apologize (again, I forgive him but he does need to take some accountability) and he ignored me for almost 2 weeks, seemingly not thinking about me once until that night over some radio show. I shouldn't have to explain how I feel a second time, I deserve respect. But is he just throwing me crumbs to keep me hooked so I remain an option? What should I do? Any insight would be appreciated.


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What Girls Said 2

  • :( I think he's just throwing you crumbs to keep you hooked. You two really should meet up so that you can discuss the future of your relationship. It just seems to me like he's not putting enough effort in your relationship, it seems like there could be another girl in this picture...possibly that girl you said has a boyfriend.

    You need to know whether or not you should start the healing process.

  • I agree with what JoSteffi said, he seems to be throwing crumbs to keep you hooked. His words say one thing but his actions say completely the opposite. And it seems like he's really pushing the limits to see just how far he can get away with things. You seem like a very reasonable and strong girl, so if you think it's worth salvaging, just lay it out with him and ask him for his honest thoughts. Or just walk away, which is entirely within your power to do. If he really cares for you he'll come crawling back.

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