Does this seem like a rebound thing to you?

I have a guy friend. Yes, he is my ex and today marks two months since he broke up with me. Now, I still love him, and he says he doesn't love me, but we're still good friends. We'll call him Sam for the purpose of this question.

In the time that we've been apart, he's asked out around five girls. The first two flirted a bit, but when he asked them out they said they weren't interested in a relationship. For a few weeks he stopped asking girls out and our friendship was amazing. Then the third one started to act interested. She left her boyfriend and told Sam she really wanted to be with him, but to let the dust settle with her ex first. So he waited. Then after a few days she told him she wasn't interested and she started seeing another guy. About a week after that he met the fourth girl. She also acted interested, they had a lot in common and she said yes when he asked her out just a few days after meeting her. They lasted a week, during which she called him too clingy, cheated on him and left him for the person she had slept with during their 'relationship'. Sam met this new guy's ex girlfriend the very next day, and now, a week on, he says they're about to get together, because they also have a lot in common and he thinks she's really nice and pretty. Sam has also had several other crushes in the intervening weeks, though he never asked these girls out.

Is it really that easy to transfer your affections from one person to another in such a short amount of time? We talk online often and he always tells me about his latest love interest, telling me that they are fun to be with, really attractive and he thinks he's falling for them. He has even said that they are perfect for him, though this clearly isn't the case. Does it seem like he's just on the rebound? It really looks that way to me, but maybe I'm biased because of my feelings for him? Also, why does he need to tell me about them all the time? He gets upset if I mention other men, even if they are just friends of mine and he knows how I feel about him so he knows it upsets me too. Some people have said he's trying to make me jealous, but if he has no feelings for me, why would he want to?

Recently, he has actually told me that he'll never love anyone the way he loved me and that I'm everything he wants in a woman. But when I tell him how I feel, he just says he doesn't love me anymore. And if I ever mention giving us another go, he doesn't say he doesn't want to, he just says he can't. Apparently the only reason he won't give us another go now is because of the latest girl he's interested in. He also told me that he can't trust anyone totally, not even her. Is he on the rebound and maybe a bit messed up in the head?

Please don't tell me to drop him as a friend. When he's not talking about girls, I see the man I fell in love with and we always have a really good time talking to each other, sometimes we even flirt a little bit, though it's not really intentional. What's going on here?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hmm. he is testing you all the time.

    Can I suggest the following, first of all he is playing with your feelings. He knows you like him.

    I make the assumption you know all abouthis dates because he has told you ? Why would you want to hear ? when he knows you care ! next time he mentions a girl firned or whatever they are to him say, listen I'm really not intereted in being your girl advisor...

    Thebest thing you can do hear is simply become busy and unavailable to him. At the moment he knows you will always be there without any effort.. its called Push Pull, the more you move towards him the more he moves away. Simple solution stop moving towards him which stops him pulling away. Then move away and watch him chase...

    Of course he likes you but at the moment your simply (and no offence meant) your not any challenge to him. As for the friend bit, well why wouldn't you be civil but in reality the friends bit is excuses on each part just tohang on until th etime is right for example... if he found someone tomorrow he would drop you like a hot potatoe and vice versa..

    be the challenge, not the certanty...

    • That is actually really good advice, very accurate, since in the past when I've started pulling away, he won't leave me alone, keeps asking me why I'm not talking and what he's done wrong. He then goes on to be really sweet and convinces me I'm his best friend...and then it starts all over again. Yeah, I'm going to back off for a bit, because if he really liked me he'd definitely make the effort. Thankyou. =)

    • It can be like magic... I'm in a situation, nearly 1 half dwon the line, an dyou get to point where you think, I can't do this anymore I've tried so you levae not as part of apln or anything but to save your dignity. Now 2 - 3 months later any girl I speak to gets the "death stare".... wHY BECAUSE THEY LOSE THIER GRIP ON YOU, THEY THINK THEY HAVE CONTROL !!

      It will be hard trust me.. and every day you will wnat o say lets be friends etc invoke a reaction.. Message me if you need more etcX

What Girls Said 1

  • What's the reason you two broke up? It sounds like he likes to have the upper hand even if he doesn't have feelings. I don't think he knows what he wants yet he wants a relationship. He seems like quite the complicated soul.

    • We broke up because he fell out of love with me apparently. I was really confused by that, because we celebrated our 15 month anniversary together during which he begged me not to leave him because he 'couldn't live without me'. Two days after that, I signed into msn and we were talking about our plans for the weekend. Then he started telling me he loved me so much, that he missed me and couldn't wait to hold me...but the very same afternoon he told me he'd fallen out of love and it was over.

    • I don't think this guy knows what he wants at all. Because of this he is very wishy washy with the females in his life. I think that if you want to continue to be his friend you should really look at him as a friend and nothing more. He's so confused that he could easily hurt your feelings. I don't know how you deal with it really. I would have been so pissed by now.

    • It can be infuriating at times, but I love and care about him, so I don't mind too much. And despite my feelings for him, I'm not too upset that he's dating again, just confused and worried because he seems to be all over the place. He's convinced everyone he's completely fine and happy, but he tells me otherwise. I suppose all I can do is be there to support him when he needs me. =/

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