Is it true if a man really wants to be with you, he knows it early, getting to know you is bull.

I’m a single 29 year old girl who is just tired of dating emotionally unavailable guys, mind you I haven’t dated a lot but I know so many women who are either hanging on or constantly fall into the trap.

I always attracted Alpha males players, really good looking muscularly types. I have a nice shape and have been told on many occasion through out my whole life how pretty I am I should be a model blah, blah, blah

after ending things for good with the father of my son. Evaluating my self the men I pick see what pattern emerged and so on I was advised by my friends that I dated extremely good-looking guys. That I'm superficial I also asked a few male friends if I’m intimidating they replied yes. The thing is I prefer a guy I can clique with talk to and that’s normally the guy I get on with and have a connection with.

So I decided to take all of this into consideration when dating, I met a guy not my usual type we did not rush into anything, he didn't rush me said all the right things, Wine and dined me. He acted like he wanted a relationship but we should get to know each other as he has been hurt by ex. So I went along with it only to realize that all he wanted was sex and to score points, brag to his friends. To get the hot chick driving the nice car to like him so that he can get an ego boost so be like I tapped that.

The craziest thing we were dating for a while without any sex so I believe he was a good guy; he turned out to be one of the worst.

I mean this guy was very arrogant and had a huge ego so I can kind of see. I mean he also had money but as I have my own. I certainly was not looking at that I mean it helped but I was not the reason I was dating him, he was also 30 at the time.

So I met someone else this guy again seemed like he was a good guy, once again was not my usual type. We became physical quite early on. I have never or will never be needy to a guy that has not declared anything to me. I’m still not too sure if I even really liked him that much as our first impression was good. But as he seemed like he really like me, so I went with it.

We finally had the talk on where this is going and he says to me he not ready ex hurt blah, blah, blah.

The thing is I'm a black woman and only seem to get mix race or light skinned men. Its not that I don't like black guys they have never really been interested in me. Both of these guys that I have dated recently have been black guys.

I having a younger sister one year younger that constantly dates these early 30’s guys you’ll think she has never a boyfriend. Then the guy comes out with I’m just not ready for commitment. All these guys have been black in their early 30’s; she has never I just cannot do this I am this close to just giving up on dating period and live a lonely life cause that’s what it feels is going to happen.

Cause I believe no matter what if a man wants you hell try his hardest to be with you any advise on this one

ONLY Referring to UK guys any one can advise


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm so pissed.I wrote out a long response and the system deleted it. Anyway,I will try to make it quick:

    #1.Your race,or the race of the men you are dating is irrelevant.The type of man you continue attracting is the REAL problem.

    #2.There is nothing wrong with wanting a physically beautiful man.I disagree with your friends in saying that is superficial.I believe it is a preference like anything else.HOWEVER,women are notorious for letting men treat them like garbage...just because they are...CUTE.

    #3.You mentioned a guy who "wined you and dined you".My response is,WHO CARES. All he did was take you to get some food.That's it.Its his behavior and actions OUTSIDE of that,that you need to be focusing on.

    #4.You need to literally sit down and write out what you want in a man.His characteristics etc...because right now,you don't have a clue.Because if you did,I would more than guarantee you wouldn't be asking this question.Why?Because you wouldn't have wasted time with these..."players".Which leads me to the next thing...

    #5.PLAYERS can tell which women will allow themselves to get played.YOU happen to be at the top of the list.Why?Because you are focusing on the WRONG things. LOOKS and taking a girl out to eat only goes but so far. And you somehow have settled into thinking they want a relationship just because he is doing something so basic...just to get into your pants.I can more than guarantee,that these jackels in some way or another,did something within "courting" you,that indicated they were not in it for the long run.You simply did not notice.

    #6.You need to wise up girly.Maybe you are attracting men like this because you are in some way..."unavailable" just as they are in some way emotionally unavailable.Just because you kicked your ex to the curb,it doesn't mean remnants of baggage are not left behind.So you might want to do some inventory on yourself.

    #7.Guys with superficial intentions are not hard to figure all.In fact its the easiest thing.You just have to ask the right questions and watch their behavior.

    In closing,from brown girl to brown girl...

    I've come across a ton of men that I won't even look at twice because I WATCH everything.Does he keep his word?Does he respect my boundaries?And I LISTEN. And I do my research. I don't care how attractive a man is,if he is not part of the criteria I have down mentally and on the sheet of paper in my bedroom...he needs to step off.

    Good Luck.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • "I’m just not ready for commitment" = I'm not going to commit to someone like you specifically. Guys commit to good women they really connect with. Hot girls that are superficial and materialistic are easy to spot. All that stuff on the surface makes a lot of men cringe within minutes. Guys that are just looking for a light fling (some sex) will deal with it, because they are looking for something superficial as well and the situation is basically us unethical on both sides so it's balanced. Men that are going to have a deeper connection with a women are just not going to put up with that crap and turn right away and go find a different girl or once your true colors show and they figure you out, then they will bail.

  • Not true.


What Girls Said 1

  • it depends...honestly this was too long to read, but it sounds like you are getting guys who just want sex...getting to know you isn't bull but if he wants sex before a relationship or doesn't want a relationship and wants to "see where it goes", that's bull. guys can get to know girls first but usually that's when they are just friends and then he decides he wants to date her.

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