Guys. Was this guy just in it for the sex and how to avoid this type of guy again in the future?

Okay. Was this guy just in it for sex?

The first night we met he ends up staying at mine. He did not get any. He sends a text two days later saying he had fun and a good time and asks me out.

We go out. First date we went for a walk along the Harbour and Dinner after. It goes well. He wants to stay over but no sex. Second date we go for Dinner again but this time I cave when he stays over and he gets sex.

We start hanging out more regularly. But just once a week. Usually on Sunday nights. He sent texts regularly every couple of days also.

We did do one or two things during the day. He once visited me at work on my Lunch break (no sex then, lol ) and hung out in the City one arvo also on a Sunday.

But whenever I make plans with him he always cancels at last minute. Even when I mentioned I was off work for a week he did not seem interested in spending time with me during the day (he worked night shift).

We went out on actual dates as well as getting intimate. This through me off. He was being polite, nice, took me out. I thought things were going somewhere.

As soon as things started to look good. I hint once about wanting something and he tells me he does not want commitment!

I was baffled that he had put in so much effort just to get sex and ended up feeling like a fool for not seeing how not serious he was!

Especially that he was already crashing at mine from the get go. Forehead slap. LoL.

Would a guy you are dating regularly normally see you more then once a week and not cancel on you if you had made plans if he was more serious about you?

Were those subtle clues hinting to me that he was not serious? Just do not want to make the same mistake again when I get back into dating next year.

Tips on this would be greatly appreciated!


Most Helpful Girl

  • My advice:

    The first mistake was letting him stay over...the first time.Even though there was no sex,it seems way too...EASY.For a stranger,I wouldn't have him at my house the first night I met him.Wayyyyy tooooo fasttttttt. I think you ended up setting a tone of what he can expect from you.That's WHY he wanted to stay over the second time you two hung out...and you let him.Yes,in his mind,he knew he was that much closer to sex.Third time is a charm,and it seems that that is what he was holding out for.First impressions are EVERYTHING. Sorry to say,but I think you were too easy.Some folks will debate this,but I think you were to easy for him.After he got it,its much easier to move on since you quickly put everything on the table early.

    So he mainly hangs out with you ONCE a week on a Sunday NIGHT. Read that sentence again and let it marinate.He is giving you the least amount of his time,purposely at he can get laid.I would say you are more of a FWB...not relationship material in his mind.If you were,he would make you more of a priority.

    Yes.Guys will jump through hoops if they know they are getting laid.Not saying every guy has horrible intentions,but he knew you would give it up fast,and he stuck around to get the third date.

    To answer your questions,YES.If a guy is interested in a real substantial relationship,he would want to see you more than once a week.He would MAKE time for you.

    Also,its not hard to read a guy at all.They can say what they want,but their actions tell you EVERYTHING.

    If I was in this situation,I would have put the brakes on things at the second date.He would not have stayed at my house,and I would have in a subtle way let him know that I am not "easy". I think some guys automatically think that once you invite them into your personal space...your home,that they are gonna get laid.

    I believe in going slow and steady...but that's just me I guess. Good luck :)

    • So true, once your past the front door what else are we going to expect? You can tell the gentleman when he walks you back to your house and then says "goodbye" at the front door (Maybe after a nice kiss but still)

    • The first time I let him stay cause he had been drinking and could not drive home. Should have made him get public transport back. So annoyed at myself I did not do that the first night. He still seemed to wanna date me though.

      Oh I was looking at his actions more that is why I spoke up about things two and a half month is in and told him a friends with benefits was not on for me. Just could kick myself for getting into the situation on the first place.

    • Well,everyone lives and learns.Now you will be even more empowered for 2013.:)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You may be going too fast for him. He may see it as just having a good time with you(not an insult). You caved and put sex in the equation before you felt the desired commitment. Is the sex a reward for the commitment, and expression of love, or two hot bod's? You better evaluate you own thoughts before you go further. You control your self. Have you ever had the hots for a guy and he blew you off?

    • I did cave too early. He and I are over now. I was not going to have a friends with benefits thing with him. I never wanted the situation to get that way in the first place and have been angry at myself for even getting it that way.

      It has already ended. He made it pretty clear he did not want any type of commitment with me which really hurt because I had told him a month into it I did not want casual but he still continued to pursue me regardless only to have it end this way.

  • he diddnt have to work hard did he? being polite and nice once a week isn't hard at all, especially if sex is then added.

    All he had to do to get into YOUR pants was to reply to a text every now and then.

    a guy shouldn't see the inside of your house until MUCH later

    • LoL realising this now. Lesson learnt. The only reason I let him stay was because he was supposedly too drunk to drive. Should have told him to catch a taxi or train home. Forehead slap. Did make him sleep on the couch though but still won't be doing that again.

What Girls Said 1

  • You seem too trusting and eager when it comes to don't make them work hard enough.and yes contrary to the sh*t they like to say, it is to YOUR benefit if you make him work first! He shouldn't have seen the inside of your house that early. Guys can tell which females are going to be easy to play with and which ones they will have to take seriously. Never cave into what a guy wants. You are not here to entertain him.he works by your standards or not st have to set the tone how things are gonna be or else these guys will play you

    • nope he doesn't work by YOUR standards, it should be a mutual respect thing. why should a guy have to prove himself anymore than the girl?

    • Show All
    • I mean some people still continue seeing each other in a situation like that. This girl I know met her current boyfriend under the same circumstances. Shrugs. Just lucky I guess for her and unlucky for me.

      I have the worst luck with guys but yes. Will play it totally differently when I start dating again next year.

      Still can't believe he was willing to lead me on indefinitely till I spoke up and did not play along. Roll eyes. Was not willing to be kept strung along. Better then that.

    • Hey don't beat yourself up.we've all made dating mistakes, that's how you learn! It just makes you smarter and wiser for the next time