Is this a red flag or is it normal.......

Am I over analyzing/worrying over nothing? Please help. I'm going out of my mind. Thank you.

Ok my boyfriend and I met on a dating site called plenty of fish about four months ago and most of the time things seem to go well. We had a talk about being honest and I said I want him to be honest no matter what and he said that he is and will be and that he wants/needs me to do that too.

About 2 weeks ago we had a serious talk and he nearly ended things because he thought that he was not making me happy. I was honest with him and said that he is and aksed him a few times for another go and said we can work this out. I was feeling upset and then went and sat in the corner. He then got upset and after a while he come over to me and said I want to give it another go and I'm to let him know if I'm not happy.

We then met up later in the week and he apologized loads, said that he cares about me and wants to make me happy for a long time. I guess this is a good sign and if he did not have feelings then he would have ended it right?

After a week of getting together we both hid our profiles on the site. I went on the site the other day because I got a message from the admin team saying that someone had try to get my details. While on the site I noticed he had been on the site that day, 2 weeks before that and another 2 weeks before that. His profile is still hidden tho so women can't search for him/find his profile.

The site is free so its not as if he has a fee to pay and I would not mind if it is a socializing site like face book or something.

Is it normal for people who have met on dating sites to keep their profile on there for a while and still check it sometimes? I guess if he was looking around he would be on there more and would have un hid his profile? Am I worrying over nothing?

Please help I'm going out of my mind. Thank you!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hopefully this guy doesn't live where I think he does because this sounds all too familiar VIRBATIUM! Because your time line is exactly when my "bf" removed his site from POF. Here is what my gut tells me. My guy says he was on the site temporarily because we was going to be in my town for a few months. When I complained about the profiles (mine and his) he immediately removed the profile boosting he did it for me. Now I think he gathered as many girls as he could on the site and removed it because he had enough in his pocket to keep him entertained. Open your eyes and be cautious of these signs:

    1. Is his phone on silence in your presence, or does he answer his phone in the other room. Would he let you see the pics on his phone if you asked? : If the answers are YES, YES, NO, then other girls are calling and dating him.

    2. THIS IS THE NUMER ONE SIGN: Did he move to fast with sex, future talk, gooing you?Sounds like it. No guy is going to remove his profile that quick! Real relationships take time. Sorry.

    3. Does he continually complain that girls are difficult and don't understand his busy life? If so, he is using his "life" to provide him free time to do whatever he wants with other girls.

    4. If your gut is telling you somethig is wrong, THERE IS! when you are in great relationship your gut only tells you happy things! At this stage in your relationship, it should all be giddy, not "making you go out of your mind."

    5. Yes, he's a freak and is doing whatever he wants to do, yet stalking you and keeping your profile "in-check" on the side.

    6. Does he let you spend the night at his house? Have you been to his house? Hides your car? Guess what? He doesn't want other girls to see you there.

    7. Does he introduce you to his friends? If not, he is keeping you a secret because he is using you. You won't be a

    8. Does he have friends? He might talk about people at work, but if he doesn't go out with the guys then he is a social loner and has a string of net girls he goes out with to fill his time.

    9. Does he give you the silent act for more than one day at a time? If so, he is busy talking to someone else. All the stuff about how he is busy is crap. No guy is so busy they can't call on a regular basis afer 4 months.

    10. Does he want to talk about sex alot? Does he every ACTIVELY engage in talk about your life?

    11. Did he give you lots of personal info about himself at first and now tells you nothing about his schedule or life.

    12. POF is a site where guys can have girls they deem "needy." I don't care what anyone says about how wonderful guys go on these free sites. What? Maybe 1/2000? Is it worth the crap shoot? This site is prey for jerks and players! Because guys KNOW that girls want relationships and if you are on that free site then you are easy bait. They can fly in quick make you feel like you are the one and dump you quicker than you can say it. Don't take offense. He does it to everyone

    13. Go meet guys the real way, through a friend, church.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I dated a girl for a year and she dumped me because I forgot the delete the account after we met. She found it and grilled me about it. Then someone had an account with the same screen name on another dating site and she really hit the roof when she found that. She said she couldn't be with someone that's cheating on her like that. I tried to explain that I haven't logged into that one account and the other one wasn't me. She wouldn't trust me and dumped me.

    Just be careful about how you interpret this information.

  • i have never had experience with dating websites but I would be very insecure about that same issue. I would expect that SOME people do use the website to hook up with a lot of people at the same time. To me, meeting somebody on a dating site would in itself be a yellow flag, haha.


What Girls Said 4

  • He may have made friends on that profile and decided to keep in contact every now and again. Checking it every day several times a day is a red flag but not every two weeks or so. I wouldn't worry about it. However, the fact that it worries you sends me a red flag about you. How is your trust with men in general?

  • "I went on the site the other day because I got a message from the admin team saying that someone had try to get my details."

    could something like that have happend to him too?

    Maybe it did, and he was just checking it out, like you did?

  • you're probably just panicking. Is it possible to delete profiles? if so, that might make both of you feel better.

  • Boy, you and I sound a lot alike - though I think I'm the more "overanalyzing" one between the two of us (if you read my most recent posts about what I believe is becoming an "obsessive" relationship w/my current bf). I wish we, as people, would stop playing the games and just be honest (although I think I've been TOO honest w/the current boyfriend and that is why I'm getting disgruntle and feel I've lost some of my "power.") Maybe you should ask him if you both should remove your profiles now. It is not uncommon for people to do this stuff with personal ads, just hide them and see how everything goes and checking every 2 weeks rather than every day is not that bad.

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