Men are like rubber bands...?

So, my boyfriend pulled away because I was smothering him. Our relationship is only 3months old and I heard that beginning of relationship was very important. After I realized me smothering/mothering him, I let him alone and he had his own time etc. Now he is coming back. He started calling me and telling me he misses me etc.

I really like him, so I really have to use strategies right this time. Because if not, I will be all over him again and I don't think that's healthy for both of us.

I read a lof of dating books and dating discussion sites. A lot of them are saying "be friendly and cool but still distant and mysterious".

I understand acting nice and cool but how do I act distant and mysterious? Any examples?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't recommend acting distant and mysterious. I think that's bad advice.

    The rubber band theory is correct, but when the guy pulls away from you, it's because he needs space of his own. At that time, he doesn't want to worrying about you and your emotional state.

    If he knows that you have a good social group of friends and that you're going to be okay when he's not around, he'll be much better off for it, and so will the relationship.

    When it comes to those sorts of things, transparency and communication is much more important.

    I think the advice books which recommend being mysterious, are basically trying to counteract a girls natural tendency to want to communicate *everything* and that is what in effect leads to "smothering", which you already found out.

    In other words, the secret isn't being mysterious, it's just learning to hold something back.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Leave the approach to him, make him wait for what he wants, if he wants a kiss, make him make the effort 3 times before he gets one, if he wants to have his hands over you, stop him at least 3 times before you allow him, this way he will become needy of you and you get exactly what you want,x

  • 3 months is kind of early to be in a relationship. Usually I think 5 to 6 months of casual dating is best before jumping into a relationship. That way you really get to know the person and can decide if a relationship is what you really want. But, as for the smothering issue. It always works that way. Don't over saturate a new relationship with too much closeness. You get closterphobic quick. You have control of the relationship now that he's chasing you


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