To all the men out there and women too, I'd love some input. Please read for I am so lost. I'd appreciate any help. I'm so inexperienced in physical matters.
Over winter break I started seeing a man on the basis of a friends with benefits relationship. I didn't quite understand how far the benefits would extend but I didn't want to move past 2nd base. We established that early. We had a wonderful time on the first three dates until he started to pressure me to move past 2nd base. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with it and I wanted to wait until I was in love before going that far with him.
He assured me that he cared deeply for me, wanted to protect me, and would stay in my life no matter what. However, the next three dates, he was noticeably distant and not as eager to spend time with me. He always insisted on me texting him first as the initiator and became indignant when I wouldn't, wanting to be smothered in attention.
After the 6th date, I've still refused to move past 2nd base and he has not seen me in a week, never texting first, being cold. He has reluctantly agreed to see me again but keeps insisting that we be physically adventurous and the only reason that he wants to touch me is to make ME happy. I like him and want to keep in my life. I've developed feelings even though I know he is being unreasonable. It's so disappointing. I'm so hurt.
I need some insight into a man's mind. What do I do? Guys, does this behavior sound familiar to you?
Most Helpful Guy
Text book quite frankly. Super easy question.
This guy is the text book example of a guy using you for sex. You'll know because he becomes distant when you refuse to have sex. Why? Because you've refused him the only value in which he was seeking. If I go to a store, looking for a widget but they don't sell widgets, why would I go back there?
I'm not saying that normal guys who are genuine don't want to have sex with you, but the point is it takes a much lower priority. As a result, they are more willing to wait and you won't see as much of a drop off in their interest towards you when you make a statement like you just did. In fact, good guys, like myself, will actually be enthused to hear the girl say that. It tells me she is looking for something serious and vice verse isn't just using me for sex.
My simply advice is drop this guy. He's playing you for sex and attention and its why he gets made when he doesn't get either. Your a trophy. Just drop him. Let this also be a lesson that using FWB as a spring board for entering a serious relationship rarely works. While not impossible, rarely to healthy relationships prosper when predicated upon sex. If someone asks you to have sex early on, don't fault them right away, but if they get made or keep pressuring you, that's when its a bad sign. If they immediately back off, stop pressuring you, don't get angry, and continue paying you the same amount of time and attention, then your most likely in the clear. He was just a normal guy wanting to have sex with the girl who he loves.1