Maintaining One's Identity While Dating?

What do members of GAG do to maintain your identity while in a relationship?

The past 2 months I've fallen very far into a routine that makes me feel trapped and not like who I was once before. Sacrifices are required for dating, but lately its crushing my morale with how little I do outside of work and dating. Any advice to break from this scripted lifestyle without major repercussions?


Most Helpful Guy

  • sacrifices are required no doubt but not at the cost of your own identity. From personal experience I know exactly what you are talking about and it's good that early on you're recognizing this because it means that you can change the behavior to make sure you don't lose your sense of self.

    Make sure you make time for yourself to things for yourself. Whether that is making sure you take time to hang out exclusively with your friends or for your hobbies just make sure you do things that allow you to maintain that sense of individuality.

    For me I know it's taking a weekend to hang out with buddies from college or occassionally going to see movies (sometimes by myself) that I know I wouldn't go see with the girlfriend.

    Lastly a girlfriend or significant other should respect your individuality and really want you to maintain that. She fell for a guy who was an indepedent personality, and that personality is what she is attracted to. So she should be supportive of you doing things that are wholly you

    good luck!

    • Thanks for the advice. Do you mind expanding on your experience? Did you have this similar problem and lose your relationship or did something good come out of it?

    • Show All
    • Past relationships actually led me to this realization. In one relationship (one that ended badly) I realized after we broke up that there was so much of myself that I had comitted to the relationship and sort of neglected myself. I realized I hadn't seen my friends, gone to concerts, etc nearly as much as I did before. I also felt like that loss of my identity probably had something to do with my break up as the person I was when we started dating had morphed into a much different person

    • ...a boring person. and kind of a shell of who I had been before dating her. I don't blame my ex or even myself really. Just a lesson learned in dating that you have to honor yourself and be yourself. After all it is that original self that the girl fell for.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like you just need to spend a little more time either with your friends or by yourself. Call up your buddies and arrange to go do something fun.


What Guys Said 3

  • Carve out time for your own hobbies.

    Recognize that if you don't maintain yourself, not only might you be unhappy, but you will lose what makes your partner desire you as well.

    If they never miss you, something's wrong.

    When you're with them, give them your attention, when you're not, focus on what you're doing.

  • For me, the best way to maintain my "identity" while is a time apart. As in...not spending every single waking moment together with your partner.

    That time alone will inevitably keep you in touch with your interests, mannerisms, and overall essence of you as a person before the relationship started. This is important, because you don't want to "change" and "be someone else" than the person your girlfriend fell for in the first place.

    Let's be honest...every hobby / activity that you like to do, your partner will not like. So to keep yourself into turning into a "different person", do those activities / hobbies that you love to do during that time apart.

  • "Sacrifices are required for dating"

    I don't believe that's true at all.