I was done so wrong by this guy but was I wrong for dumping him?

i never been dragged down through the road before by any guy. my last relationship before the guy I just turned alose from was abusive. he beat me with his gun and stalked me everywhere I went. I always be careful with who I date but it seems like they change once in a relationship. this guy who I recently broken up with was with me for over 6 years now. people change over the years it seems like. I feel pathetic and dumb because since last year I feel stupid for pouring my heart out and making mistakes I thought I was not going to make and doing things I couldn't picture myself doing because I tried to fix things. he dogged me last year. he's now with this girl and they been together for 2 months now. she's 4 years younger than him and next month she will be 5 years younger than him. I don't know what she has that I dont...she also just moved in with him and his parents. she tells all her business in every detail on the internet. they go out on dates together and movies and take pictures together. but I don't see any pictures of her from him at all nowhere anywhere...she don't even drive he take her everywhere...i be glad when she gets deployed...im trying to figure out what she has that I dont...was I wrong for dumping him?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The only think you did wrong was staying with the guy for so long in the first place. A relationship should not be abusive, and it should not be full of angst and stress. If the guy wasn't treating you right, and wasn't willing to talk about it and then have his actions back up his promises, then the ONLY smart thing to do is leave.

    I have a feeling that you are CHOOSING abusive guys whether you realize it or not. If you grew up in a household where the male figure was abusive, then that's a very common thing (to choose abusive men yourself). Even though abusers are bad, when people grow up seeing that, it becomes what they think of as "normal" and it's all they are comfortable with, and so they naturally find themselves being attracted to guys who have abusive qualities, even if they don't realize it. Guys who are good guys seem boring or uninteresting to girls who are used to abusers, and so they are naturally drawn to guys who are more like what they know.

    At least you are starting to recognize this, and that's the first step to changing it. You need to learn that no matter how much you think you love a guy, if he is abusing you or ignoring you or not taking you seriously, he's not good for you. That's not normal or healthy in a relationship, and it's up to you to demand better treatment, or seek better treatment elsewhere. And to do that, you have to KNOW that you deserve better, and have enough backbone to TALK to the guy the first time he treats you badly, and let him know you don't tolerate that, and if it continues, to leave him. No one else can save you from your poor choices than yourself, so you've GOT to find that strength within you.

    • please reread what I said...i was not talking about this guy beating me with his pistol that was the guy before him so why did you right all of this this guy hasn't abused me 0 times

    • This current guy isn't physically abusive, but he was being emotionally abusive by treating you badly, ignoring you, and not respecting or appreciating you. That's what concerns me.

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What Guys Said 5

  • sounds to me like the only reason you want this guy is because he's with someone else. Be glad you don't have to deal with him and can find a better man. Don't worry what that girl has that you don't have because what she does have (your terrible ex) is something you shouldn't want.

    It's hard when an ex finds someone before you and it makes you question whether or not you made the right decision. Your decision was based on sound reasoning discovered after years with him your feeling now is based solely on emotion.

    Trust your instinct to break up with him and know the feeling you have now is relatively normal for someone going through the emotions of a break up

    • what are you talking about?i don't put my whole life story over the internet I been with him over 5 years. I'm not going to be with nobody for over 5 years and not gone have no feelings for them plus not gone love him...im putting up what is going on at the moment...please reread my passage. everyone has commented on it correctly except you...

    • would you want your girlfriend posting your every move and problem on the internet? would you leave the girl who was trying to provev she love you for a girl that is 5 years younger

    • i didn't say you put your stuff all over the internet did i?... In response to your question was I wrong for dumping him my last paragraph said..."trust your instinct to break up with him..."

      not sure what you're referring to in regards to me

  • You poor thing. You were right to dump him. You are very insecure. You would be better off only dating guys that 1) show you respect (this means no physical or verbal violence) 2) not sexualize you (another part of respect) 3) cares what you are thinking and feeling (another part of respect). 4) tries to be nice to you (respect) Overlooking these things just so you will feel wanted will only lead to a life of misery and heartbreak. It's time to take control of your life and protect your heart. If you do that, you will be so much happier.

    • what are you talking about?

  • I'm not clear on why you dumped him? It's not terribly clear, sorry.

    You are clearly somebody that abusive men try to take advantage of. If be was abusing you either physically or emotionally then categorically you were 100% right to get out.

    If he wasn't then it could be the case that the past abuse has left you with some baggage you need to get rid of that got in the way. Either way, have you thought about either counselling or talking to a friend? It's a pattern that could easily reoccur otherwise.

    I understand a LITTLE of what you feel like as have had a couple if girlfriends who used me and it makes you feel cheap, stupid and worthless - which makes you more attractive to those looking for somebody to abuse.

  • If a guy is bad to you, you leave him. If he is good to you, you stick around. That simple.

  • You were not wrong. You deserve a guy who is going to treat you right, respect you, and make you feel like a princess.


What Girls Said 2

  • NO you werent wrong for dumping him at all. stop blaming yourself. things may seem like they're going perfect with the two now because they haven't been dating for very long. I don't think she has something you dont... its just that she's a little bit more "dumb" to the situation right now. you know how he REALLY is , and you were women enough to find a way out. she doesn't really know him well enough to see that he's no good. Trust me, he's going to end up doing the SAME THING to her. Don't beat yourself up about it. You should be glad your done with a guy like him. You deserve way better and owe it to yourself to smile. F***him.

    • all she do is tweet and instagram every f***ing thing...she moved in with him...she just got back from basic a couple of months ago she came out the blue they both just met they both just added each other on the networks and everything so I'm not getting any of this...she tweets talking about him he tweets nothing about her at all...she had him as her background he don't even have her as her background..and they argue a lot that's all I know...he don't let her have access to any of his stuff

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    • yea she's obviously stupid..you shouldn't even waste your time looking in to what she says on the internet...just be glad he's not your problem anymore and move on

    • no its gets even better because people is talking about her that's how I hear it lol she always put on the internet that he has a certain time to be back at the house because he stay gone too long lol do she need to be slapped or what lol

  • How do you know their life is so good? Because she posts stuff on FB. That means nothing, in fact the more people post the more unhappy they are with their life no matter how happy they are trying to appear. I wish I could provide a link to where I read that. You had your reasons for dumping him and I am sure they were legit. Time to move on. I think you are just feeling lonely so you are focusing on him since he is familiar, not because you feel that maybe you made a mistake.

    • i don't put my whole life on the internet I just put what's going on at the moment

    • I was referring to the new girl.

    • ooo OK sorry and then she also said that when he leave the house he got a certain time to be back lol why do females expect so much lol

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