Complex situation with a girl, what are my options here?

So this girl and I have had classes together for a full semester now. We really didn't speak much at this time, aside from friendly banter. She's cute, great personality and all, but I really never looked twice at her-never thought much of it to be honest.

So finals are nearing and she begins to message me on Facebook, started off with more friendly conversations type stuff but escalated really quickly. This progresses to texts, phonecalls and hanging out pretty frequently. It was around here that I really started developing feelings for this girl, I enjoyed every single word exchanged with her, no matter how trivial it might be.

We went to the movies on one of these hanging out occasions (I honestly didn't consider it a date at the time) and it didn't go super well, but we continued speaking with each other afterward as usual.

So exams are over and winter break is just starting. Now this girl really told me a lot about herself- stuff you wouldn't just tell anybody. I could safely say she trusted me. Things continued as usual for a bit, but the texts died down, she never answered my phonecalls and even the way she responded to my texts. I wasn't able to arrange more hangout times or anything. I panicked and asked her on a date- really fearful that I might be losing her. I haven't heard from her in over a week and on the occassions that I have seen her, she avoids eye contact and we haven't spoken at all.

I have some really strong feelings for her, really care for her and I really thought she might have felt the same way about me. I've got no experience with women and I really don't want to let this pass me by. This situation- not so much the possibility that she may not be interested, but that I'm "nobody" to her really really hurts. She does have personal issues she's dealing with, but she's spoken to me about these before and I really do not think that that's the reason for the disconnect here.

Could it be she's embarrassed that she has revealed so much? Could she have changed her mind about me? Was what I am looking for not what she is?

I've got at least two more years of seeing her around campus and I really want to make sure things are bearable for the two of us down the road as well.

I really don't want to make assumptions, but I just can't shake the feeling of me being lead on, and it feels horrible.


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What Girls Said 1

  • When you said your movie hang out didn't go well, what exactly happened? It seems like the decline was after that. I think the best option is to shoot her a text (in person is even better!) and say something like " (her name), I've really enjoyed the time we've spent with each other. If there is something that is wrong, please let me know, otherwise nothing can change. If you just need space, please just tell me so I can give that to you." Or something similar that is easy for you to say.

    It's hard to say why this is happening because it could be so many different things. I personally feel weird if I've really opened up to someone and yes, I feel the need to withdraw, but I don't because I know that would just be stupid. How sure are you that she had romantic feelings for you from the beginning? Did she flirt? Can you tell me the cues she gave you? She may have just seen you as a friend from the get-go, but that's not really the vibe I'm getting here. When dealing with personal issues, sometimes people just need to pull back from everything and deal and this could be the problem right now. She could be feeling guilty about not being able to give you what she feels you need, and that's why she's avoiding you. Guilt can make people do funny things.

    Your options are:

    a) You let her go and see if after a little while she comes back

    b) Do something like talk to her honestly about what you think the problem is between you

    c) Forget her and move on while being cordial if you see her

    I'd try b first, because you have the best chance of knowing what's up! Best of luck to you both!

    • I'm not all that sure whether what she felt was romantic feelings to begin with, but I just can't make sense of all this if it were anything less, ya know? I really didn't pick up too much flirty vibes, though she did always seem to be really engaged in any conversation we'd have.

      As for that movie hangout, I was sick for it- which I think hindered things in general. She also declined grabbing some food or coffee afterwards.

      Hey thanks, I really appreciate your insightful comments. :)

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