Should I just give up? Confused

Hi guys, I really hope you have some good advice for me. I have a crush on a younger male coworker. We've been flirting for ~ 7 mos (forever). (I know the pros/cons of dating coworkers.) He is younger than me (~5 yrs). I am not his boss, but he's in a lower position. I first noticed him looking at me, and I thought he had a serious crush but was scared/inexperienced. Since then there have been tons of staring and nervousness on both sides, and it took A LOT of work to talk to each other and get to know each other. At the holiday work party (6 months of crushing) he began lots of "accidental" touching, and since then he always stands close (arms touching), leans in, compliments me, drops hints, etc. I tried to get him to ask me out (epic fail...he didn't understand). We've hung out a few times outside of work in groups, and the nervousness is gone. I'm thinking, this is awesome...finally!

A few months back a tall girl closer to his age started working there, and she started chasing him. He continued to flirt with me and still does, right in front of her. I do not see him flirt with her. Long story short, we hung out at a party yesterday, and someone asked if they could set him up on a blind date. He said he was taken (me = shocked) and then started talking about this girl he'd been dating for 6 mos but was taking things slowly. He gave her name and his friend said "that's all a giant lie. tell the truth." and walked off. He looked at me and seemed to search my face for something (I went very quiet once they started talking about this because obviously I was disappointed). He continued to make up a story about her and insist on it. Then he continued touching/flirting.

He left the party so I go up to his friend and ask what all that was about. She says right away he is dating the tall coworker (not the girl he made up). I then see him standing near the exit around the corner, eavesdropping and looking upset. He looks at me, pauses, and waves. I wave back and he leaves. I keep talking to the girl, he comes back (eavesdropping), looks at me, then leaves for real. I wait a bit, to avoid him, and then leave myself, and he is outside pretending not to wait for me. I say hi and we walk in silence (about a minute). I'm of course unhappy and it probably showed. I make some general comment like see you later and then he leaves. Awkward.

What the heck. Is this guy just immature and messed up? Why the lying, and why wait for me when he knew I was going to be upset, but then not say anything? He also always says that I am laughing at him when I am not. I am giggling around him because I like him, but I can't really tell him that.

Do I just ignore him now? I'm thinking he must not have been interested...just flirting? Seems like a long time to string someone along. Sorry if this is TL;DR! Thanks for your help.


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  • This is very confusing, and in general I think you shouldn't get involved with someone who breeds this kinda stuff.

    My best guess? He lied because either he or she doesn't want people at the office to know. When I was involved with a coworker we never, ever, flirted at the office, because we were too afraid someone would notice.

    It sounds like with the waiting for you either he was (1) nervous what you'd think because you're a coworker and they didn't want people to know, or (2) nervous what you'd think because he likes you (even though he likes her too). Emotions are complex, and it may be that he wants you to like him and doesn't want to hurt you even though he's taken.

  • its possible he is going with the girl, but like syou as well,. I don't know why he hasn't made a move to ask you out. He might just be going out with the other girl just to pass the time.