Girlfriend still talking to ex

girlfriend left ex for me about 6 months ago. Last weekend she disappeared for a few hours and then lied and lied about where she was. The only reason she told the truth was because I had to wrestle her phone from her to check her text messages. the messages said things like I stil love you and I miss you from her to him.

she ended up sending him a text in front of me that said sorry things got so far, and that she doesn't love him anymore. asked him not to contact her again. also on speakerphone got him to admit that they didn't hook up.

ive about had it with this girl. do those text messages in front of me mean anything?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately this seems to happen often when somebody leaves a partner for somebody else. My current boyfriend insisted on leaving his ex-girlfriend for me despite my protestations (I did care for him but anticipated trouble and didn't want to hurt their relationship). He did leave her so we started a relationship, but I felt he was hot and cold and one day he just broke it off. I was hurt and kinda annoyed at being messed about, but I just got back on with my life and didn't contact him. He ended up getting back in touch a few months down the line, saying that he was so sorry, he missed me and he was just too raw from the break-up and blah blah, so I cautiously agreed to give things another go. When we'd been together about 6 months, I added his sister on Facebook and saw all these posts/photos which clearly showed that he had restarted a relationship with her when he left me, and she'd recorded the breakup on Facebook as a few months after he'd come back to me. I confronted him and he admitted it all, including the overlap between the relationships. I was so hurt and angry but in the end we moved past it and we've been happy together for four years, but it took a lot to learn to trust him completely.

    I think the reason this happens is because when people are unhappy in their relationships, they meet someone new who seems to fill all those gaps in their life and seems perfect. When they do actually leave their partner and start up something new, reality hits and they realize this new person is only human and has potential flaws too, at the same time they're going through the standard break up stuff of idolising the person they've hurt and wondering whether they've done the right thing. Guilt is clouding their judgement and they tend to operate the delusion that they've made a sacrifice for the new person where they've inflicted hurt on the other party, so they have more empathy for their ex and don't consider their indecisive/flaky behavior as cheating or consider the real impact on the new partner.

    Understanding it is one thing, living with it is another. In my case it was all done and dusted before I knew about it, but you can have some say in how this is handled. I learned a lesson the hard way with my situation and given the choice over I would never get involved with somebody straight out of a relationship again, I think everybody needs time to heal before they can really move on and make a go of something else, no matter how empty/long dead they state that relationship to be. If I were you I'd suggest you have a break, and give her some space to heal if the past is still knawing at her. She will be able to see things more clearly and make her decisions from the heart. If it is really you she wants she will come back around and find you when she's ready to cut ties with her ex. If it isn't you she wants, then you can consider it a lucky escape.

    • informative answer and some great advice. we've taken breaks and each time she always comes back to me...its weird it seems to be ONLY when we are together and ONLY when we are doing good that she goes back to him. if we are on the ruts, she's focused on me.

    • I think it's probably that when she's happy with you she feels guilty about him, but when you're unhappy she realizes she needs to focus on you. There's no wonder you've had hard times though if she's not focused on your relationship all the time like she should be, she isn't giving it a proper chance, though she probably doesn't realize that. The other possibility though is that there is something unhealthy in her personality that drives her to avoid commitment and lead a chaotic life..

    • it's probably worth considering whether this behavior is a common theme in her history (many short lived flings, relationship-hopping, abusive/co-dependant relationships are all warning signs), or if this behavior is only occurring in the context of this situation. Hope this helps.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • That doesn't sound good.


What Guys Said 3

  • Dump her for the lies alone, regardless of whether or not she cheated. Honestly is critical in a relationship.

  • Well dude I'm sorry your getting cheated on.she could have always come back on those texts and say I only said that for my bf.she can lie a lot. I've been there

  • i'd get rid unfortunately man - unless you know you can trust her, but only you can decide that.