Why do people always say you have plenty of time? that it is never too late, it pisses me off when people say

that, when people say that, why do people say that when it comes to dating and relationships? that you have all the time in the world, that it is never too late? why is it true? why does it have to be true? because to be honest it makes me raging mad and pisses me off, because I'm 24 and still single, never had a girlfriend, I feel I'm missing out my best years, my youth, my prime years, of young innocent puppy love, even if I ever do learn or get the skills in order to get a girlfriend, attract girls, I will be old already, and yes it matters to me!, because I don't want to be dating or be attracted to women that are young enough to be my daughter, sorry but I have healthy standards like that

I would hardcore rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all
if it was okay for me to be desperate in terms of wanting a relationship, companionship, then I would probably be more pro-active and assertive in the pursuit, approaching, but since girls are turned off by desperation, it feels like a catch-22
already tried online dating such as plentyoffish and okcupid but no luck
I hate how I can't change the past
I wish I can grow balls to kill myself, commit suicide sense I will never get my past years back
Still don't want to be attracted to women younger than me as I get older so maybe I should chemically castrate myself as I get older
and often times I feel like just physically hurting someone like punching their lights out, mainly a guy just to release my anger and frustration because of how cruel life can be, hate having to take responsibility, I hate all the cards I was dealt with for being a guy


Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel for you and I get where you're coming from. You're young and restless and have a lot of desires.

    The world is yours for the taking.

    You should be graduating college around this time to find a high-paying job.

    You should be going on dates with women left and right.

    You should have had mind-blowing sex with at least one girl.

    You should have a hot girlfriend.

    The time to live is now.

    Sorry, but I've got some humbling news for you, and don't take this the wrong way because I don't want to discourage you. I want to help you. The truth is that the best years of your life take place when they take place. You're young and want your gratification, which is honest and only natural. However, that does not guarantee you anything. Not every man will have a woman throw off her panties on a whim. Most men will never have the experience of having hordes of women chase after them even during their most youthful years, and you are no exception. You've got to understand that first. Now, here's where the advice is.

    You are young, so you still have several things going for you. You are still in your sexual prime. You are still full of vitality. You might even be taking off on some hot shot career. This also means you really do have time. What you do with that time, however, is up to you. Remember, women aren't going to throw themselves at you. Like anything else in this world, you're going to have to do some work.

    The reason you might not be getting anywhere with women is because you aren't doing your part. Reach out and talk to them. Put yourself in front of women you are attracted to and show them who you are; show them what you are made of. If a girl doesn't want you, move on to the next one you want. There are plenty of single women out there who will want you for who you are.

    Now, you may be thinking: "I don't have the looks," or "Dude, I don't have the job you're describing," or maybe "I've already been rejected."

    So, what? While looks and money can help, your charisma is what really counts. If you don't let your shining personality out, then you're really out of luck. Like you, women want excitement. Just like you, women want someone to walk into their lives. The difference is that most women won't make the first move. Now, here's the catch... you will be rejected, and it might happen often. But the more you put yourself out there, more confident you become. Take time to work on that. If you keep facing rejection, instead of running from it, you'll soon learn that it isn't such a big deal after all. Then, when a woman notices that your personality is what she's after and that you aren't afraid, all you have to do is make the right move to get your foot in the door.

    When people say you have time, they aren't lying to you. The world really IS yours. Women WILL want you. You can live now OR you can live tomorrow. It's UP TO YOU to decide when this will happen. You need only reach out and take it.

    • Best answer. But I will add: Moping about what did/didn't happen in your past will get you nowhere. All you can do at this point in time is change your perspective and take a new course of action. If whatever you're doing now isn't working, go out and get new hobbies, stray from your comfort zone a little, improve your sense of Self. It'll happen when it happens, but you can wait -actively-. Good luck.

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    • do but how do I not obsess over getting a girlfriend at the same time not be passive? as in I believe with more approaches I can learn to not take rejection personally, but at the same time just I'm trying not to be desperate it's hard to explain this in words

    • well if a guy is frequently rejected or friend-zoned, obviously he must be doing something wrong and it sucks if he doesn't specifically know what he is doing wrong, even if he is just being himself

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What Girls Said 16

  • Maybe you lost your chance for young innocent love, but that is not the only kind of love out there. You DO still have a chance to find love. Be as mad as you want, but it's true. You're not on your death bed and you're in a world full of females. You absolutely still have time. And when you find the right person, it will probably matter less to you that you didn't meet her when you were younger.

    Being desperate is not the same as being pro-active and assertive. You can take control of your life without being desperate. It is NECESSARY to be pro-active if you want to find a relationship. If you are making no effort whatsoever to meet women, date, and find a relationship, then you are responsible for your situation and you can't really be mad at anyone but yourself. If you want your life to change, you will have to make it change.

    YOU ARE AS OLD AS YOU ARE. You cannot do anything about how old you are or change your past. There is no point in being angry and frustrated about your age or your lack of experience. If you don't like your situation, now is the time to make some changes and go after what you want. I know dating is stressful and intimidating, but you have to take the bad with the good. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Either get out there and make an effort, or resign yourself to losing even years time to singlehood.

    • if I ever do find someone I will probably still have angry and bitter thoughts in my mind because I will be frustrated that I did not get to experience this earlier

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    • you may have to take responsibility for other areas of your life but not for your dating life since you don't have to approach

    • If only that were actually true. Again, don't make assumptions about other people and what they're dealing with, okay? It doesn't benefit you and it doesn't benefit anyone else. It will only lead you to be bitter about things you think other people have when they may not actually even have them. I'm not going to argue with you about this anymore. If you want to be bitter about this, go ahead, it's not hurting ME.

  • Ehm, it's true because the only time where you cannot find love is when you're dead. Are you dead yet? Don't think so. It's too late when you pass away. Some people marry someone and get divorced when they are 60, only to find someone else maybe 5-6 years later.

    Who says you'll be attracted to girls that could be your daughter? Would it make a difference who you are attracted to if you're married? It shouldn't. You don't choose who you feel attracted to, unfortunately, so even when you're married you can fancy someone half your age, or maybe 10 years older, so what? It's how you ACT upon it that matters.

    I say, enjoy the time now, don't wait because your life will pass you by while you're still waiting and waiting. I feel a relationship is important too, but I'm only 23, I have to spend the rest of my life with this guy... That's a long time, you know?

    Oh, and even if you have had relationships, does that matter? You're as far as someone who had relationships and is single again, because if you meet someone special, you have to start all over again, getting to know her, knowing what she likes, how to do things she likes, ... Not all girls are the same. Even in bed, a guy who thinks is so skilled could be a bad lover for some girls, because he doesn't know what they like yet.

  • I don't know if you believe this or not, but God has you exactly where He wants you. If you are single, it is because God needs you to be single for now. Maybe you are single because you aren't ready to be in a relationship? What is most important is that you do your best as a single to make yourself into the man that your future girlfriends/wife can be proud of. Imagine your dream girl and the traits that she has, and now imagine what her dream guy would be. What traits are important to her? Those are the ones you should be working on while you are single. While it is true that it seems like this is taking forever, you won't be as old as you think at 30, or even 40. I'm not saying it will take that long, but you truly do have time.

    As for attaining the skills to attract girls, be the type of person you want to become, and be confident in yourself, but not narcissistic. You shouldn't be trying to act a certain way to impress a girl, you should be yourself, and remember that girls shouldn't define your character, you should.

    • yeah well what is becoming the type of person I want to become will not attract girls?

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    • We don't have to be passive. Think about it. There is only a certain type of girl that a guy will approach. Most girls try really really hard to be that type of girl. Those that don't get approach tend to have to step it up and take the lead, which is extremely difficult for someone who isn't raised to know how to do that.

    • are you saying that a lot of girls do not get approached and asked out? yeah even if that's true they still have a lot of dating and relationship experience I bet

  • Uhm.. Then try meeting girls, hang out with single friends as much as possible. Go to parties, you don't have to drink... I'm not a big drinker, honestly, I hate it, but I met my boyfriend by hanging out and occasionally drinking. Hell I hated him at first. He was a total prick. He thought he could have sex with anything. I hit him for treating me like a piece of ass. He started changing. He stopped drinking all the time, started pursuing me. He was not my type at all. Though something he saw in me encouraged him to change to be with me. I was a good girl, all he said he had before was easy sluts...and me turning him down made him I terested in me. I wasn't easy. I knew what I wanted...and at the time...he wasn't it. I was a virgin.. 19 years old. I felt like you, like I was wasting my youth... But he totally turned out to be worth it, he bought me an xbox for Christmas, he indulges in bingo with me (dorky I know lol) and in our six months of dating he's only went drinking with his friends three times, twice without me. He was a major jerk and alcoholic, disrespected women... Totally not my type at all... Now we're so happy. Get out there. Talk to people, even if they're not your type. Be passionate. Be yourself. That's how you'll find someone. He knows everything about me. I never pretended.you never know who you'll end up clicking withis all I'm saying. Seven or Eight months ago.. I'd of said the same things as you. Don't give up. Get out as much as you can and find that girl! Get off of the computer and get out and mingle while you got a young ass to mingle with! Though, never settle. Settling is SOOOO not worth it. I had afew short term bfs before this one, I'm glad I saved myself for him. I don't regret it. I love him with all my heart and if we break up one day, so be it. I found someone who makes me feel beautiful, who makes me feel like I'm worth something and that life isn't so sh*tty after all. Good luck! You'll find her, just be yourself and put yourself in situations with people as much as possible!

    • it's hard to not be desperate, that's the tough part, as in, approaching girls, pursuing them, asking them out without coming across as desperate

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    • Well then ask, tell her, "Hey, what time is good for me to call you? I don't want to call when you're busy.. :) " and she will fill in the blanks. I personally LOVE it when my boyfriend called and texted me a lot BEFORE we started dating.. if a girl digs you any texts are appreciated unless it's sleeping hours.. and calls? One every night to say goodnight is nice..

    • why was I even born?

  • This is a case where you are getting good advice, but are so stuck in your warped thinking that you do not take it. Why would that piss you off exactly? ? People are being nice to you and its meant to make you realize the truth: that you're still young, that you have time to get what you want, and that everything will work out. You are young and the only thing that is passing you right now is your happiness. But that's a choice thing. You need to choose to be okay in the situation you're at. If you can't do that, then whatever. YOUR choice. But don't sit here and blame people who are actually offering words of encouragement.

    • because I hate being different, I hate having not being able to have experienced something the overwhelming, vast majority of people experienced in their teenage years and early 20's, I hate being a late bloomer

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    • It makes me angry that I can't change the past I am that I am different from most people and I don't like it

    • why is it better late than never? WHY!?!?!?!?!?

  • The reason you don't have a girlfriend is because you want one so badly. This likely shows every time you talk to a girl making you "reek" of desperation.

    You're not supposed to get a girlfriend. You're supposed to live your life until you meet a nice girl that you would like to start a relationship with.

    Stop searching and you'll stop appearing desperate and when it works you won't even have to do anything :)

    • that's the tough part because of guys are supposed to be assertive as in we can't be passive about this, because most girls will never approach a guy first or ask him out, will not do the pursuing, so if that's the tough part for me is being proactive and not being desperate as in getting a girlfriend without trying too hard is the hard part

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    • so you are one of the very rare girls that pursues guys and ask them out?

    • why do girls hate desperate guys so much?

  • LOL get a grip man .. I found my sweetie at 26 and I'll get married at 30 ... and I wasted 6 and a half years before in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere ... so enjoy your youth and don't rush into anything but don't waste your time either with chicks that don't want true commitment.

    • i would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

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    • epic fail...nobody wants crumbs not even you

    • I still would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

  • Well HOPEFULLY as you get older, you will be attracted to women a bit older too. That's kind of how it's supposed to work! That's a bit of an odd thing to be worried about!

    As for the 'you have plenty of time', it's up there with all the cliches that people in relationships give singletons, like 'it'll happen when you least expect it' and 'when you stop looking the right one will come along'... all a load of crap. Just ignore them!

    • I'm a guy I can't stop looking because girls do not approach guys

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    • No, just think about right now... the 'present'. That's the easiest way to live, you don't have to look far off into the future, that's scary.

    • Well I hate how I can't change the fact that I am a late bloomer

  • Yeah I know what you mean. IM 18 and never had a boyfriend. Everyone's like oh you're still so young you have plenty of time. But I get so aggravated because most of my friends are in a relationship and I feel like I'm missing out on that. It sucks but I guess you just gotta wait it out.

  • people say that because they wanna give you hope on something better.. and you'll always think its too late if you messed things up or don't have what you want but for love and something thay you really want its never too late to try and have it.. unless your too old and gonna die soon.

    • why is it never too late?

    • Because when it comes to something you really like its never really too late to make it happen unless your too.. and as long as you think its too late u'll never really be able to achieve anything.. and sry the reply took a lot I didn't really sign in :)

    • well I hate being different unfortunately I can't change that

  • Uh I'm 26 and just now got into my first relationship if that's all your looking for in life then you'll never find it relax be optimistic and well try and you'll find it.

  • Simple solution: go get a girlfriend lol

    • Easier said than done, if I knew how to get one

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    • the places that you mentioned

    • and it's a waste of time for me if I don't know how to talk to girls

  • Take your time! If you rush into things you will just end up divorced young like myself. Things take time. (Or I sure hope so because I'm 27, still single...waiting.)

  • Because often times we think we have to do things immediately or else we'll fail, if you just keep at something and keep it close by your heart and in your mind it will come to you, we need to stop searching and just be... have trust and faith in god.

  • Stop whining and go do something about it.

    "It's never to late" lol(:

    • Why is it never too late?

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    • If what you desire is to be a loser, then you're on the right track

      I hate whiney bitches, don't whine if you're not willing to fix your own damn problem!

    • and girls do not have to take any responsibility for their love or dating lives like guys do

  • Well, you still do..I'd say you don't need to start worrying until about 28. And most guys I know say it was a waste to date in high school anyways. As much as you hate it, it still is kind of true. and honestly, some people are called to be single. They're meant to be single, for whatever purpose, and that's what they're supposed to do. I'm sure you'll find a girl. You just gotta be confident. When you see a pretty girl, smile. If she smiles back, say hey. Start a convo, ask her about stuff, if you find similar interests get her #. I promise we aren't that complicated. Just start talking to us and you'll find the right one!

    • well I would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all just to get to the experience the experience

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    • I know it will, your a girl you don't have to do anything

    • I hate it when guys say that, because it isn't true. I haven't once been approached by a guy, and girls who are uglier than me have. So I mean I must be doing something wrong, therefore I have to do something. If girls want to be attractive we have to do our hair (which can take up to two hours) smell good, (the good ones cost like 50 dollars) do our makeup, do our eyes, but expensive makeup, make sure only good features stand out, have perfect skin, perfect personalities, etc. we have to work.

What Guys Said 1

  • You are missing your sexual prime, but not your peak years of desirability to women, yet.

    F*** the standards. If 20 year old women didn't want to f*** you at 20, and do when you're 30, who the f*** has the right to tell you that's not okay? Its THEIR CHOICE. It was their choice not to sleep with you 5 years ago, and it will be there choice to sleep with you in the future. You don't have to be a martyr for how people told you the world was supposed to be, but isn't.

    • You need to shift the way in which you are desperate. They don't like you being desperate for them

      Instead act like you are - going - to get laid. The only question is which girl will be lucky enough to get you. You are indifferent to each individual girl because you have, literally, a billion other options.

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    • Wishing you could change the past is a pretty good way to waste the present, so next year you'll be looking back regretfully, again.

    • Nice update.

      So go join an mma gym.

      I'm serious. I took up boxing a while back. For the record it doesn't actually serve to 'get my anger out'. You can pound the bag, but opponents you need to be calm and loose. But I actually think it balances your temperament out. We're -made- to be able to fight.

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