So.... I'm a workaholic

I've been dating this girl for a little while. It's been more of a casual dating situation more than anything, and she has expressed that she will want more someday. We've been over this multiple times, because I am running a side company, and working for one too. My days are long, and I've expressed this thorughouly in the beginning that I can't commit to anything for quite some time.

Last night, she became very upset with the idea that there may never be anymore than just casual dating. She feels rejected, and I've expressed that it is, because I have so much going on and I don't want to make anyone second.

I understand that feelings change, but why would someone expect that person to be anything else than what they were from the get go.


Most Helpful Girl

  • As a girl who was in the exact same situation, it's understandable for the girl you're dating to act the way she is.

    I started off being in a casual relationship with a guy. He worked a lot (like you) and I wasn't interested in anything more, so it worked out well...until, months into it, I developed feelings. I told him we should break it off since I wanted more and he didn't, but he wanted to keep things going so I went along with it. I got more involved and got to the point where this girl is; I wanted something more than a casual relationship, but because he wasn't ready to commit with his long work hours, I knew it wouldn't happen. I ended up being very hurt and tried my best to move on.

    Eventually, because of a new job opportunity, I started working as much as he did, and ended up dating someone new. He worked just as much, but instead of not wanting to commit, we both agreed to make it work despite our long work weeks. Soon after, I found out that the old guy was in a serious relationship with someone else, and I realized it wasn't the work that was causing him not to commit, it was me.

    The bottom line is that your priorities just don't match up and if you force a relationship, it won't work. I'll admit, I treated the guy unfairly; I knew he didn't want more at that time in his life, but I did and tried to convince him of it. Sure, my current boyfriend works just as much as he did, but the difference is that he wants to make it work.

    If you don't want to commit, don't. She'll have to accept that like I did and will realize that for whatever reason you're not meant to be. She'll find someone that will commit to her and you'll find someone that understands your work priorities.

    (sorry that was so long lol)

    • lol, That's OK that it was long. It was a great story, and I very much appreciate it. It is very truthful, and very much realistic to what it could definitely be.

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What Girls Said 2

  • girls want more than men do we want marriage and a big family. I have almost all of that so I want just the sexy for money thing and friends now

  • I understand what you are saying but I really don't know if she BELIEVES what you tell her. A lot of times being busy is the number one excuse for not wanting to take things farther in a relationship. I'm very sure you're on the level with and Its great that you did tell her in the beginning that that was the way it was going to be, at least for quite awhile. But you know us girls, we get it in our heads that eventually you guys will come around and just fawn over us the way we want you to.

    How do you treat her? you say casual dating, is it more of a FWB? Because if that's what it is then I can see her point of view in the fact that she might feel used. Do you treat her right and pay attention to her other than sexual attention?

    Anyhow, I think eventually you'll have to make a decision on this, work or the girl, or both, if you like her that much. Because at this point she thinks you love your work more than her and I doubt she's going to stop hounding you about comitting. You're going to have to set a timeline for her.

    • You are right, and it isn't something that I want to admit, but it is true. We have been sleeping together, but I am very kind to her. She is not a piece of ass to me, and I make sure that I'm very clear when I say that.

      We have a great time together, but I've got a lot of people relying on me; due to running a company at night, and I'm just twisted on what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I have responsibilities that I had set many years ago.

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