20 years old, never had a girlfriend. Is it hopeless or does it get better?


I'm a 20 years old, currently in my third and final year of university. After high school, I set out to make myself a better person and do the things I love. I act, sing and dance, I go to the gym 6 days a week, I get great grades, I have a great job, I'm doing very well personally.

But still, at the age of 20, I still have never had a girlfriend and have only kissed one girl. I've done everything in my power and I keep hearing the same advice where I go. "You're awesome and a catch! It'll happen," when it's sounding more and more like crap.

Another thing I also hear is the 'It'll happen when you stop looking,' which doesn't make sense. If I stop looking, how is anything going to change?

I see guys in my classes who do nothing but to go uni and play games and they have awesome, geeky girlfriends and I'm alone as I watch everyone have dates and sex and be happy.

I'm wondering if it's even possible anymore. Once I get out of uni, won't it be impossible to find a date if I leave uni with no experience or anything at all?

Thoughts please.


Most Helpful Guy

  • My situation is similar to your's and I know just how you feel - especially with the cliches people say so irresponsibly. My position is no better than your's I'm afraid but there are things recent events helped me realize. And so far I go by those realizations and the future doesn't seem this dark to me anymore.

    1. You're not special and you're not being selected. If you want to have a girlfriend you have to get out and ACT in order to get what you want. You're not going to just meet "the one" one day and out of the blue fall in love with each other and live happily ever after. In other words don't think you're entitled with anything from any girl - you must work and earn it.

    2. It's not your fault that you don't know how to communicate with girls in a way that makes them willing to be with you. Before the age we live in today (about 200 years ago) people weren't "suppose" to get their spouses themselves as it is expected from them today. The marriages were arranged by the parents and/or matchmakers. This "freedom" we have today has it's price - yes people who have developed high social skills are happy with it because they can choose who to be with. And there is us - the losers in this new deal - those who were kinda left out and somebody forgot to inform because no one remembers we exist. Most people naturally do develop those skills of course so it's not a social problem but rather a personal problem of a certain minority.

    So the key is simply to realize that you ought to work in order to get what you seek for. And start developing those skills that will help you get there. It's really not your fault... It's just that no one has told you that before or taught you this stuff before. You know in my country religious schools teach guys in the last year in high school how to communicate with the opposite sex. I heard that a lot of religious nerds are really shocked when this information is revealed to them which only emphasize my points...

    If you want some guidance from me contact my privately and I'll send you some links.


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What Girls Said 2

  • You sound a bit like me (except I'm a girl).

    I'm about to turn 24, this is my third year out of uni, and I still haven't had a boyfriend. I only experienced my first kiss earlier this year. It's not that I didn't want to, I was just waiting for the right person and/or circumstances, I guess.

    You'll probably hate hearing this, but you DO sound like a catch! Don't listen to the "it'll happen when you stop looking." I think that's a load of nonsense and that it's important to be able to know what you want and take active steps to get it. What I did, was sign up to an online dating site. I was pretty wary of it, but I'm also very selective about who I communicate with. It's given me opportunities to meet people I mightn't usually meet, who I know are also looking for a relationship.

    Today I went on a date with a guy who, even on his profile, said he hadn't had much experience. He was a fairly good looking guy, has a good job and is self-sufficient, but wasn't very confident in his approach. I was the one who had to ask if he was interested in meeting up. His lack of confidence and perhaps his lack of ... not aggression, but 'maleness'(?) ... (I can't think of the word) seemed to turn me off a little, not his experience.

    My advice is to keep looking. Keep doing the things you love, but try new things as well - they'll provide you with opportunities to meet more girls. Is it a confidence thing? Are you 'afraid' to approach them? Be aware of how you present yourself to others. This will probably sound corny and frustrating, but I think it's really true: perhaps you just need an attitude adjustment. I would never have believed it myself, but the power of positive thinking really does do wonders!

    Good luck! :)

    • so are you and this guy seeing each other? because I am also inexperienced

  • It's not hopeless. You just need to use your uni events and social gatherings to meet girls and do it right now while you still have opportunities like this.


What Guys Said 3

  • *sigh*

    "Ive done everything in my power" ->you try too hard and it comes across as needy/desperate.

    "your awesome and a catch, it'll happen" ->Your a good guy but I'm not attracted to you.(could be attitude/looks)

    "It'll happen when you stop looking" ->They are trying to get you to focus less on the result and more about the moment, have fun while your out instaid of the "i have to get a number/kiss/lay/whatever tonight" attitude.

    "They do nothing but go to uni and play games" ->Chill and relaxed opposed to the above, which would you choose.

    If you get out of uni without any experiance regarding dating, it'll get harder. Not impossible just a lot harder because the older you get, the harder it'll be to find available women that you actually want to date.

  • It's not hopeless, you still have a lot of chances in the dating world.

    I've seen men who were near hopeless in the dating world and as they age, they began to get better in it.

  • depends on the person but I feel your pain bro since I am also in the same boat