How To Tell Someone You're Taken

A few months ago, I moved to a new state. Soon after that move, I went on a date with this one was OK. Not a bad date, but not outstanding either, and there was something of a lack of chemistry between us. We haven't seen each other since, but she occasionally texts and e-mails me.

Then recently, I went on a date with a second girl who I hit it off with tremendously...she's just fantastic and I could see myself being with her in a long-term sense down the line.

Here's my issue: the first girl still sends me cutesy messages and wants to hang out again...but obviously I want no part of that, since I'm now seeing someone that I really click with. What is the best way to let the first girl know this?

So here's how it went...told the first girl that I was seeing someone else. She pretended to understand at first, then borderline flipped out later on and launched a barrage of irrational text messages to me while I was at work. And in doing so, she confirmed to me that she's a psycho and getting away from her is one of the best decisions I've ever made.


Most Helpful Guy

  • This is easy, don't flirt back. And, when making idle conversation mention that you're dating someone.

    Texting someone regularly isn't any type of commitment. You don't owe her anything nor should she expect anything from you. I guarantee she's been on other dates since you but has no need to mention it since you're both kinda flirty.

    So just stop flirting, stop texting, or mention that you're dating someone next time it seems appropriate. Like, "Oh, I can't meet you next week because I have a date that night, maybe another time."

    Easy Peasy...

    ~ Robby


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What Girls Said 2

  • Just be a guy and ignore her completely.

    • I appreciate the stereotyping, lol, but I can't just ignore her completely...I'd rather be upfront about this.

    • Sorry..good to know not all guys are like that:)

  • Simply tell her. Text her: dear XX, thank you for your invitation to hang out. But, I am busy. Recently, I met that girl, she is fantastic, and we are seeing each other a lot. Thank you for all the nice things you did/said to me. Bye.


What Guys Said 4

  • Just tell her outright that you don't want to lead her on and you're now committed to someone else. Though it may hurt her, it's better than making her cling to false hopes.

    • Agreed completely.

    • Simple to the point, nothing is drawn out. Perfect. This is what I would want to here. I'd think to myself, "ah OK, that makes sense. Well, good for him". And that would be it, time to move on.

    • Yup, that's what I would want to hear, too...there were times in my past that I wish I had been given the straight-up truth from women when being let down. And on the rare times I was told straight-up, I genuinely appreciated their honesty and accepted it.

  • Just gradually stop answering her messages. Not all at once, just gradually respond less and less often.

    Obviously she likes you, and who knows if this new relationship will work out? You might see her in a better light down the line!

    • Yeah, that's what I've been doing the last few weeks...gradually being less responsive. Believe me though, definitely wouldn't have any further romantic interest in her, she definitely raised a few red flags on our one date and that was before I even met my current girlfriend.

    • Show All
    • UPDATE: Yes, your hunch about her was correct! But maybe she thinks you were stringing her along...that DOES tend to get girls upset...

    • It was geuinely not my intention to string her along, but if that is in fact what she believes, I fully accept her right to feel that way. However, her total lack of maturity in responding to the situation yesterday just crystallized for me even further that she and I are not a good match, and never would be.

  • What level of contact do you want to keep with her (the first one)?

    • That's where it gets tricky...the first girl is technically a co-worker of mine. Same company, just a different branch about 25 miles away where we don't work together. I wouldn't mind talking to her occasionally as an acquaintance, but nothing more than that.

    • Then tell her that. Tell her that you enjoy her friendship, but you wanted to make sure that she was clear on where your relationship stands.

  • Tell her a formal message. Maybe something like this

    "I'm very sorry (name of the girl). but I already have someone else."

    something like that. haha. kinda short though. and all I can say is the very least that you can do to her is accept her feelings that she has for you.