I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, he is 27 and I am 25. We plan to move in together within the next few months once I start work at my new job (I have just qualified as a nurse). Although we've been generally happy he's always seemed quite reluctant to make more committed plans, so I took this as a sign that perhaps he was in a different place in his life and we were moving forward. However, recently I seem to be seeing less and less of him! He works long shifts and has been taking on a lot of overtime - he certainly does not need the money. He's always played football on a Saturday morning, but now he stays out drinking until evening. He also goes to practice on a weekday night and has begun playing in a work's 5-a-side another night. He does spend time with me in between, but since he's so tired he just falls asleep. Sometimes he will come over to sleep at mine after a night shift (I'm usually a bit of a night owl so can sleep in with him to some extent), but this gets counted as a date.. so if I say anything about not seeing him much, it'll be like "well I was over Tuesday this week!", even if it was just sleeping. Not much of a date. In contrast when his shifts clash with football he makes every effort to swap the days and ensure he won't be tired. In general we have sex much less (I feel like I'd like more but he's always asleep), he went through a phase of being quite critical before this began and told me he was less attracted to me due to weight gain (I am still a healthy BMI). I seem to do all of the talking while he browses the internet on his phone. I always feel like I'm keeping him from something. On Valentine's last month he didn't have time to do anything as we previously would have gone for a meal or something, but promised he'd take me for a weekend break in the next few weeks or whatever to make up for it. I heard nothing more about it, but thinking it would present at least a good opportunity to spend some quality time, I said this morning how about we book that break? We like to go to gigs and comedy shows etc, so we had a look through a bunch of upcoming shows, and there was nothing he could make due to football, overtime and other things booked in. As he was going out to work he said, how about you look and send me a bunch of details and I'll see if I can make any of them. I said perhaps it's better if you look, since you know when you're free. He shouted WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND I HAVE THINGS TO DO? ..just stormed out and I haven't heard from him since. Is this situation doomed? He plans to come over tomorrow to sleep between his night shift and football, but I'm thinking about telling him I need some space until he's got some real time for me.
Most Helpful Guy
Your right, tell him that you need more of his attention and that if his football and shifts continue to take priority, then where exactly is the relationship going, let him know that you have things to do but would always make time for him, so unless he starts making an effort, then lets both do the thngs we need to do and see where it gets us, because if you put in as much effort as he does, you probably wouldn't see him, so make this relationship a mutual effort foundation where you both make efforts to make the relationship work. If he is so wrapped up in what he needs to do with the things he has to do, then tell him that's fine, but don't bank on you not having things to do when he feels the need to see you, you need to make this relationship fair, otherwise it won't last long, and your be making all the effort in the end,x0