Was he always just infatuated with me? Was he just in it for the chase?

I met a guy on online dating who went to a college near me. After a few weeks of talking online we finally met up. It was like magic. Seriously. We had all the same values and goals in life and agreed on pretty much everything.

After that, things went REALLY fast. A week later I got the stomach flu and he came over with homemade food, meds and a stuffed animal. We hadn't even gone to dinner yet and 3 days later we were in a relationship... officially.

A week after I was we went on our first date... it was like he was a different person. He was quieter, not as dressed up, he didn't ask many q's. It was actually really awkward to be honest.

It was weird because we'd spent hours talking on the phone. Our rooms even looked similar and we had similar interests. I really thought that I had found the one and he felt the same way.

It seemed like we had known each other for ever too. The night of our first date he joked that if I stayed past 5 I had to spend the night and so I did. I think that was a mistake... he doesn't believe in sex boyfriend marriage, but he definitely believes in everything else. He definitely asked if doing particular things was okay with me and I said yes. Found out very quickly that on the outside he was super super sweet, but he REALLY likes to be in control in bed. I should've recognized that was a sign we needed to slow down, but I didn't. He was SO intense.

He told his whole family about me... and he introduced me to like 30 of his friends the first weekend we were together. It was all really magical... and then it started getting stranger.

We just ran out of things to say... we're both really busy people so honestly we really only ever had time to hook up and then go our separate ways... so we didn't really ever go out and do stuff... plus neither of us had money so we really couldn't.

Suddenly things went from awesome... to... we have nothing to talk about. I really wasn't feeling it with him anymore, but I knew that spark had been there so I kept persisting in trying to ask him get to know you q's... we could never get past the superficial questions. It was so odd. We'd go to dinner and he'd just sit there and stare at me and say nothing.

Was he just infatuated with me from the beginning? He doesn't believe in casual hookups and I am only the 2nd girl he's ever dated or kissed in 4 years. Was he just after the chase? It eventually ended when he showed up one day and said he just wasn't feeling it. I really wasn't either, but I didn't want to give up yet. He said I was almost the one, but I hadn't felt that way about him for a while. I knew we needed the time to become friends and we didn't take it. Is that what went wrong? I can't seem to understand where we went wrong.


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  • I'm sorry to hear that.

    Actually this kind of thing happens with friends too, today you're the best of friends, tomorrow suddenly you run out of things to talk and just slowly drift away. It's hard for me to understand why, and sometimes the more you try, the more things don't seem to work out.

    I've once dated a guy who seemed really nice and everything went perfect from the get go. Then slowly, or quite fast, we started drifting apart. He called himself one of those "go with the flow" kinda guy, which makes you think he's pretty easygoing, but actually he is not. He was there for the fun and got disappointed when it wasn't fun all the time or I didn't do or say things the way he thought I should... He was controlling and bossy, which I knowingly ignored like it was okay. So in the end, I wanted us to try, get to know each other better and accept each other, but he thought it wasn't worthy anymore because I wasn't what he was looking for... Obviously he wasn't perfect either, but I was the only one willing to overlook his flaws.

    He also didn't believe in casual hookups and hadn't dated a girl in 6 years... Yet I'm not sure he will count me as a girlfriend as well...

    I'm trying to take things slower after that and get to know the other person first, before anything else. It was a great learning experience, but I'm happy now things didn't get more serious with that guy.

    • Wow thanks for the response! I've given that relationship a lot of thought since then. It ended over a year ago. He was a nice guy and I try to keep in mind that feeling.. that feeling of someone really loving you and go out of their way to show it... however, this guy was very controlling. I definitely ignored the signs and looking back on it I was only tricking myself into thinking I could be happy. He wanted to mold me into the girl he wanted.. wanted a house wife, didn't care about my career

  • I think he just doesn't know how to be in a real relationship and you both rushed into it. Try doing building activities like a school activity like swing dancing or video games. Even if it's just cooking together. Maybe you liked the idea of him and didn't know the real him? Remember, you can't make yourself love someone. Also, current events make good conversation builders as well! Good luck. If it's not meant to be, there's always being friends instead.

    • oh, well this definitely ended. I had tons of ideas for us to do stuff... he once said he was worried we'd run out of things to do together so I made a 3 page list of activities. Maybe I tried a lot harder in the relationship. Idk, you might be right... I'm not sure if he knows how to be in a relationship... you have to TRY. he thought everything should be natural. I definitely liked him, but he just kind of... idk, stopped trying. I mean, if you liked someone wouldn't you ask them q's?

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    • we had nothing in common. There will be other chances to meet someone. But it doesn't always have to be activities, sometimes just watching a movie and enjoying each others' company is enough.

    • hm yeah, I agree. I'm not sure what happened here. :/ We both agreed we took it way too fast... and that we should have become friends first. We never fought about anything... we were almost too the same. :/ idk, too bad.