Should I keep my boyfriend a secret from my folks?

I know its long but please help me! I need some major advice:

I've been dating this amazing guy for the past few weeks "officially", but we've known each other for almost 4 months and all that time, we were practically dating, but we didn't label it.

I met his folks fairly early on because I always go over to his house. They are great, loving people and they like me a lot too. His entire family knows him and I are together and are very supportive of us. His dad is always telling him to "treat me right" and "respect me" and giving him fun date ideas and what not, ha ha :)

Recently, my guy has been bugging me about meeting my parents too. I really want to introduce him to them, but all this time, I've been keeping him a secret because my parents are SUPER strict Indians (great right? He's white). It's not like they expect me to marry an Indian guy, have an arranged marriage or whatever, but I feel like they want me too. I was born in America and I've told them a number times my dislike for arranged marriages. Also, don't call me racist, I do not find Indian men attractive at all and I've said this to them too.

My folks are not bad, rude people. In fact, all my friends who've met them say they are super kind and respectful. Especially my dad. I think his family and my family would get along great together.

One time, he drove me home after one of our dates and my dad saw him through our house. When I got in, my dad was angry and demanded "who is that boy?!" and I lied and said it was a friend's brother. My dad's response was an angry "finish your education."

I am 21 years old, and if I didn't still depend on my parents, I would tell them and be done with it. But I do depend on them because I can't work enough to support myself and get an education (full time student). Also, I'm afraid that if I tell them about my boyfriend, they'll never let me go out again and see him (currently, I've been lying and saying I'm hanging out with a couple of friends).

I fear the risk is too great to tell them but my boyfriend is starting to think that I'm embarrassed by him, which is not true at all! I love him so much. I love going out and showing him off lol. However, I can see that he really wants to meet them and by me saying no, he's starting to think it's something to do with him.

Should I take the risk and try to tell them (HUGE, and I mean HUGE, possibility that they'll lock me in the house and never let me go out again) or keep him a secret until I can afford to live on my own? That's going to be about 2 years from now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Does your boyfriend know why you're hesitant to introduce them? I'm assuming you've never introduced them to a boyfriend before based on your dad's reaction. Would your boyfriend be offended if you asked him to meet them as a friend first do you could gauge how they are going to react? Maybe have him and a few other friends over at the same time so it doesn't seem so datey.

    Truth is, you are 21. They can't stop you from seeing him. They could threaten to kick you out or stop supporting you, but you already said they wouldn't do that.

    • Actually, yes they can stop me from seeing him by not letting me go out anymore. But yeah, they wouldn't throw me out of the house.

    • Show All
    • By saying I can't go out anymore.

    • Okay well if you're going to let your parents completely control your life, that is your decision. If you ever want to live your life the way you want, you'll have to try to be okay with disappointing them or making them mad sometimes. And I'm not just talking about while they are supporting you.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • It seems that you better hold off in that decision for now.

    You should wait until you can financially be independent on your own so even if the worst thing can happen like throwing you out of your house, you can still survive.

    • They wouldn't throw me out of the house, but they would never let me hang out with anyone again.

What Girls Said 2

  • Your parents, no offence, are just way tooooo strict with you ! I mean , 21?!?!?!?! I'm 16 and I had a boyfriend this year. I kept it as a secret as well, but afterward I just opened up to them. I realized that if I were to be more truthful and honest, (telling them how many guy friends I have), they'd trust me more. You need to reassure them , tell them that you're old enough to know what to do, what no to do. Keep your pride, I think your parents don't want you in a relationship because of the risk of having a baby at a young age. Earn their trust ! Don't be afraid to talk about boys. YOU SHOULD. Let them know you more.

    • I don't think I can tell them -__- Even though I really want to! What if they say no? Then I won't be able to see my boyfriend again :( Maybe the best time would be after I graduate and move out? Then I would definitely tell them, and not care what they think honestly. But atm, I depend on them for everything sooo... :/

  • Couldn't you explain any of this to him? Any reasonable guy wouldn't ask you to introduce him as a boyfriend if he knew what problems it would bring.