How do I tell her that her break up isn't that big of a deal?

My friend has fallen into a depression because she and her boyfriend broke up a while ago. He cheated on her. Yes, it does suck that it happened but they've only been dating for four months. There is no possible way that she was in love, and that she just knew he was the one. Obviously he wasn't if he cheated. I just can never understand why people who have dated less than a year can get that depressed over a break up, especially after four months. You can get be depressed for a little, but then move on and get over it.

I was with my boyfriend for almost ten years. We started dating shortly after my 19th birthday. We broke up because he cheated, that was over six months ago and I am getting back into dating. I think I have more right to be depressed for a long time than someone who only dated for four months. Our break ups happened around the same time and she is STILL depressed. Sure I get sad sometimes, but I know there are other men out there. I keep comparing our relationships and telling her I've moved on after a ten year one, but she won't listen.

So I used another example. HER AUNT AND UNCLE TO BE EXACT! They met in High School, and they were married and had a family together. They have a grandkid now and another on the way. They divorced a year ago after a 35 year marriage. That's right. 35 years compared to 4 months. And they are seeing other people now.

I just can't get her to see it that way, and I think it's his fault too. He keeps coming back and saying that they were drunk (sorry not an excuse) and that the girl had spiked his drink (sorry but no) and that he thought it was my friend. So he is putting false stories in her head. He's nothing but an a**hole.

But come on. FOUR MONTHS. YOU CAN'T FALL IN LOVE AFTER FOUR MONTHS! You also can't be in love with someone before you even dated them. Her words, not mine. "Oh I was in love with him for a year before we dated, and I still am."

Nope. You weren't. Sorry. You don't fall in love with someone (it's called a infatuation) before you date, and I don't even think you can call it 'love' until after you've moved past the 'honeymoon' phase.

I need help with this because her mother is started to get worried about her. She doesn't eat or sleep. How can I force her to move on? It was ONLY four months.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Everyone is different. Even though being with someone for 10 years produces a different KIND of love, that does not mean that she didn't love this man in her own way. Just be her friend and support her. It's not your job to tell someone what to feel or how to feel it, and you can't. Take her out and show her a good time once in a while, involve her with the gang and make her feel included. When she starts complaining and feeling sorry for herself, give her a little time to vent before you change the subject. But you can't convince someone to get out of a depression. It doesn't really matter what you beleive, she won't see things from your pov. Tell her that you are concerned about her and want her to be happy, but invalidating her feelings won't help her move on. If she continues to be this way for another month or two, politely suggest that she talk to a counsilor about it. But if you say the same things to her that you said above, I can see why she would be depressed. She needs a friend who loves and supports her, not a friend who tells her that what she beleives is stupid and untrue. You don't have to agree with her. She's hurting, and that should be enough. Just love her and encourage her to get out there and live her life, and she will move on. Good luck!

    • We've tried everything. We threw a huge party for her for her birthday and she left. Everyone tries to involve her every weekend in something, and she always refused and told us to stop bothering her. We gave up for a week, and then she wrote on Facebook that everyone was hypocrites for not wanting to be around her in her time of need. So we started involving her again, and she acted the same way again. " But if you say the same things to her that you said above" My sister said basically the

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    • She also works in a day care, and I know that is going to mess up her chances. She's always wanted to run one herself, but she wants to learn how to first by working in one. So hopefully she snaps out of it soon. No guy should ruin her chances for her dream job.

    • Tell her exactly that. Remind her of her awesome qualities and of how much potential she has. She deserves a guy who sees that, not some looser!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Is this her first relationship? If so, that's why she's taking it so hard. Is she pretty? if not, she's afraid of not finding someone else. Is she smart? If not, and is the type of girl to be a complete doornob and want the guy to do everything, that's another issue she faces.

    She just needs to get the crying out of her system and she will be fine. Everyone deals with breakups differently. Just relax don't turn into some crazy girlfriend of hers that losses her sh*t cause she's not over someone. lol

    And as for you, your handling things very well, just stop comparing guys to your ex. Your only prolonging your own breakup. :)

    Have a great day!

    • Yep, it was her first relationship but she is also 28, so it should be different. She's not 16. I wouldn't say she is ugly at all, but she isn't what guys call hot. I put her in the cute category. She didn't have a relationship before that because of school and then work. She is working towards owning a day care. And right now she throwing that all away by moping about this guy. And apparently they are going out this weekend which I don't think they should. He is only going to hurt her again.

    • Yea so that's why she's acting like this, cause its her "first serious relationship". She will just have to learn. And yes I would suggest you help you stay at her goal, instead of chasing some loser that seems to sound like he's just using her or something. Doesnt she have a family that can give her support through this?.. She was only with him for 4 months, so healing process should only be 2 months. She should stay away from him for 2 months, and watch how she will be over it lol

  • Sorry, but you don't have a clue what your talking about when it comes to other peoples feelings. Who the hell are you to say how she feels about this guy. If you are a friend like you say you are & really do have her best interest at heart, you would leave her alone & stop dictating on how she feels. The only thing you can do is keep her occupied so she doesn't sit at home constantly thinking of those fake feelings she's pretending to have & let time do it's thing

    It's impossible to force anyone to turn their feelings off.. & yes you can fall in love in 4 months & in less time then that!

    Oh, by the way...saying you can't fall in love until after the "honeymoon stage" is about the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time & proves you don't have a clue. I'm still in this honeymoon stage after 3 years & I sure as hell love her, that's a fact.

    • Oh I have no clue about love even though I loved him for ten years. I never felt love for him at all the entire time? Go f*** yourself. You don't even know me and you're saying I don't have a clue? So what? Are you saying I didn't love him then? F***you you f***ing a**hole becccause I did love him a lot. IT took me two months before I was ready to even do anything after we broke up. So why are you saying I didn't love him huh? You stupid inconsiderate f***ing bastard. I did love him.

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    • decided to move on. What so should I ahve f***ing killed myself to prove that I loved someone? Should I be some psycho bitch and stalk him or something? Is that what you do? You don't need to spend the rest of your life pining after someone to have loved them.

    • Okay, you admit you don't know me and yet you make bold statements like: No you did not. Two whole months to get over a 10 year relationship. And stating twice in your original answer that I have no clue. You can give advice if you want without making statements that you think you know the persons situation like you did. You came in here just to flip out on me and tell me that I don't know anything about love at all and saying I have never experienced a break up when I did. That's why I am mad.

  • If I was your friend I would have stopped listening the moment you claimed to know what I was feeling more than I did. You need to respect her feelings and not belittle them. Otherwise she won't listen. The truth is that someone can be in love in a short period of time. Even if it was just infatuation, so what? It doesn't make her pain any less.

    You can not use logic to dismiss peoples emotions. Logic is just about the complete opposite of emotion. You can not use logic to fall in love, nor use logic to stop your heart from breaking.

    • Well I do considering I went through the same thing. I went almost two months without leaving my apartment, not eating, sleeping or showering until my sister came and gave me tough love. My sister was very harsh with me, and after a while I listened to her and got my life back. I'm doing the same exact thing for her. Except hers was only four months. And infatuation isn't something to get depressed over. Sorry, no but no. Obviously you don't know the difference between love and infatuation.

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    • Whether it hurts more or not isn't the point. It still hurts, and that is a very real emotion.

    • We're just going to have to agree to disagree on this because I completely disagree with everything you've said

What Girls Said 1

  • You need to respect her feelings. YES YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE in 4 months. Hell I've fallen in love after one month (we spent enough time together for that to happen). Some breakups I couldn't give a sh*t about but a couple of mine were really intense and I cared a lot. Everyone is different and every relationship is different.

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