Is he just not that into me or could there be some explanation for not hearing from him for a few days?

I've been dating this guy for about a month now, he's a few years older than me so I don't know if this situation is normal as I'm not used to dating!

On all our dates we have a lot of fun, enjoy each others' company, he's always such a gentleman and asks lots of questions about my life, tells me about his etc.

Everything from the way he acts when we're together/ things he does/ says indicates to me that he's interested. I went to his place for our last date for a movie night and he cooked for me, and he showed up at the station to meet me and brought a couple of gifts for me (I thought that was so sweet as I wasn't expecting him to come and meet me). He's always so considerate, compliments me, and he's told his friends about me and mentioned me to his parents.

I spent the weekend at his from Friday night until Sunday morning when I had to leave, we just cuddled/ watched films all weekend. He drove me back to my place and even gave me a lift to where I had to be after that. I text him a few hours later to tell him I had a great time etc, he responded that evening, I replied Sunday night, but I haven't heard from him since!

We haven't slept together or done anything too risque, so it's not like I slept with him and he just lost interest or anything like that. He mentioned a friend of his was coming to town at some point this week and hasn't seen them in a few years so maybe that's what's keeping him busy; but I'm not used to not hearing from him for this long! He's not the best at contact between dates, he usually contacts me 1/2 times a day, last week he didn't speak to me on Thursday (presumably because he was stressed for a meeting he had on Friday) but then he called me straight after the meeting on Friday.

Is this lack of contact just a sign he's really not into me after all, or could he just be busy? Today will be the third day of no contact and it's annoying me not knowing what's going on - I just want to know where I stand! If a friend of mine was telling me this same story I'd think something had happened to put him off, but I can't think of anything that could have done that, we always have a great time together! Can someone please have a guess as to what's going on here? Should I just call him or leave it a couple more days?

Everything's fine - text him this morning and he rang me to see if he could take me out for coffee - he was being as sweet as ever and was actually wondering why I hadn't contacted him!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah he's just busy. Guys are different than girls. We don't have this need to speak to you every day, because quite frankly it doesn't do anything for us.

    They've actually proven this to be true. Women bond through communication. Hormones are actually released into the brain when girls converse. It's why girls always want to talk for hour with their BF's on the phone (exaggeration I know but you understand the stereotype I'm referring to).

    Guys on the other hand don't have this reaction to conversation. Instead, those same hormones are released by physical touch and closeness. Guys bond by being near you, sitting with you, holding hands, cuddling, having sex. That's why guys who like you, always try to stand/sit near you, be in the same room, have sex with you, or even just touch you. It's our equivalent of having an hour long conversation. This is why guys can sit in a room, with you snuggled up against us, but do nothing but stare at a TV watching football. To us, we still feel that bond, even though you feel like we're ignoring you since we aren't talking.

    This is just one of those things where men and women need to understand they are different and instead of forcing the other to conform to their needs, they need to compromise.

    All this being said, give him some space or feel free to initiate the conversation (as long as you know he's not in the middle of something). He'll most likely have no problem texting you back, he's just not going to make the first move since texting isn't really a favored activity of men. 3 days also isn't super long. However, if a week or more went by, then that might be of some concern. I should also clarify that it still counts if he only texts you to hang out. Again, we dont' like to have conversations over the phone, we simply use it as a tool to arrange time in which we can be with you physically. So as long as he's voicing interest in seeing you again, then your in the clear, even if he's not having hour long text convos every day.

    • But would this be true even though he usually does text me once a day (only with about 2/3 times going no-contact for a day but then ringing me the day after)? I'm just worried he's somehow gone off me but he was telling me all weekend how much he loved spending time with me etc!

    • Still, its too soon to tell. I just find it hard to believe that a guy who does seem to be really into you would just change his mind overnight. Typically the only way that would happen is if he found out something about you that was a red flag. Like maybe he found out you cheated on your ex or something. Is good friend is in town. He's probably just busy and doesn't really feel like dealing with girl stuff when he's wants to have a good time with his buddy. Just give it some more time.

    • Update: yeah you know us guys kind of like to see some interested from you as well. Eventually we sit back and let you make the moves. Dating isn't "let's watch the guy chase me and drool over me while I just soak in the attention".

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • have you reached out to him?

    It seems to me that he could be busy or he just isn't good at communicating but if you haven't asked him yet you definitely should do so.

    • Not yet, because I've been waiting him to get in contact seeing as I was the one who last text him. If I haven't heard from him by tomorrow afternoon/ evening (which it looks doubtful at this point) then I'll try calling him, hopefully he's just been busy or something.

  • He's just really busy.

    Give it time. It's clear that he's so much interested in you.

    Call him if you want to talk to him.


What Girls Said 2

  • Is his career particularly stressful? I was dating a young lawyer for a while and experienced the same issues -- no texting in between dates though he did check up on me about once or twice a day. I understand that it might be hard to refrain from contacting him. Trust me - leave it be for now. Live your life (like he is doing) and if he texts you then he texts you. If not, just move on. Sometimes it is best to take things like that as a sign and leave it alone. But I wouldn't write him off yet, especially if he has a stressful career.

    • He's in the middle of applying for grad scheme jobs at the moment and has just finished an internship which kept him pretty busy, and he has final exams for his Masters in a few weeks so I know he's been stressing about it all but I just don't see why he couldn't check in or something - he seemed really into me!

    • Seeing as to how this is still an uncommitted thing, I would say that him not texting isn't any serious indicator. I really think he is just busy during the week (and it sounds like he is very busy). Also, I don't know how many years older than you he is -- but as someone who only dates older guys, they communicate less than guys my age do. It's something I've gotten used to.

    • Thanks - I hope he's just busy because we have so much in common I'd hate it to just end in this way! He's 5 years older than me so maybe that adds to it in some way too

  • he could be busy but he could have also lost interest. I think he will come around though. it is frustrating but wait for him and if you don't hear from him soon he just wasn't worth it and be glad you didn't invest more.