Guys... Is he flirting with me or just being friendly?

I know there are probably a million versions of this question out there, but I feel like my situation is a bit different, and thought I'd ask anyway. Sorry in advance for the novel...

Last summer a guy I've "known of" but did not know very well started talking quite a bit; I'd now consider us to be pretty good friends. At first, we texted and IM'd a lot, occasionally an actual phone call -- a day without a message was odd. Of course, as weeks passed the frequency of the messages decreased. We don't see each other that often; both of us work, etc. I've gone to a couple of his hobby functions at his suggestion, and we've hung out a bit there, but I haven't seen him since the season ended last fall. He really seemed excited that I came, and was really happy to "show off" what he does on the weekends.

We still text and IM, about 50/50 as to who initiates the conversation. It isn't unheard of to go weeks without hearing from him, but he almost always replies instantly and (apparently) enthusiastically if I text or message him, usually with a "hey, Trouble, where you been?" or "what's up with you?" Sometimes he'll message me out of the blue with some rant about his family or his ex girlfriend (long ex... Now with another guy and has a kid. As long as I've known my friend he's been single). Sometimes he texts very early in the morning (5:30 am-ish), or before noon with a "good morning." This is pretty rare, though.

Like I said, we don't see much of each other, but we've bumped into each other in the grocery store before, and he's run up behind me to grab me by the shoulders and surprise me, that sort of thing.

Recently, we texted, and he quickly suggested that we meet up sometime soon and maybe have a drink or something. I agreed, but we haven't made concrete plans.

Should I read anything at all into this? I do like him, and would be open to more than friendship if he was, but I'm not the best at reading signals (except in hindsight) and I'd be mortified if I jumped the gun and had it wrong. My friends (college buddies who have never met him) and sister (who knew him better than I did before last summer) think he likes me. Logically, I'd agree, but the fact that he'll sometimes go weeks without initiating a conversation confuses me on that point. He's a very outgoing guy naturally, and I'm just not sure if he's just being his normal friendly self, or if he's interested in me.

Kudos if you slogged through all of that... I'm a fan of giving as much info as possible. Thank you!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've read all of it.

    Yes, I think he's interested in you! Go for it. He asked you out for a drink. That may perhaps be the best hint, in my honest opinion.

    I've had girls not initiate conversation with me for longer periods and they still liked me. He instantly replies to you if you text him, yes? It could be that he doesn't want to appear clingy all over you or perhaps he also does not want to be rejected and wants to make sure that you like him before he makes any moves on you.

    Keep in mind that he may also be busy some weeks and doesn't feel like doing any guessing games about wether you like him or not.

    Sorry, my speculation. Anymore information? I will gladly help.

    • Thanks for reading! I definitely understand not wanting to appear clingy and the rest... I'm guilty of that exact thing with him in this case. I know he's a busy guy, too, and I truly do not expect him to make time to text me all the time. Last time we texted he actually said "you will have to hit me on Facebook" as he doesn't have good cell service at home (he's moved house recently). I know that could be a good sign, but I also I know what it's like to dodge unwanted chatters on fb... :/

    • I personally think that people who don't want attention on Facebook from a certain individual, should remove them. I do know that some people keep those they don't even like, on their friends list.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • He seems to be interested. However, a text conversation can only go so far. If you don't see the person face to face, it's hard to build any real feelings off of it. I think this is why he drops off for weeks once in awhile.

    I'd say go on that date. Meet him for coffee. If you are both interested, he will text you everyday ;)

    • Thanks for reading! I'm looking forward to making more concrete plans for that date... it will definitely be nice to actually see him again.

  • He wouldj't stll be talking to you if he wasnt' very interested. You haven't responded warmly enough to get him to commit to anything beyond spurts of texts.

    If he were to write about your time together, he'd be asking much the same questions, wouldn't he?

    Someone has to take a next step here...either he, or you, or your texting will just fade the song says.

    • Thanks for your help! I never thought about really looking at it from his point of view, what he would see if he listed his side of the last several months, and how similar it would look... how do you suggest responding more warmly? I am being friendly, as flirty as I feel like I can be over text and still "be myself" and not risk being too weird or coming on too strong... I guess there's my answer... maybe I need to take that risk, huh? Thanks again!

    • The next time he grabs you from behind, turn around and grab him back...see where the grabbing stops...IF it ever does!

      Yes, someone has to take a risk here...what do you have to lose at this point?

  • well this situation happens a lot when I'm hanging out with a girl or more with other guy friends there as well I'm allways being asked if I like one of those girls but answer is no but I do like one of them, anyway before I can give a direct answer I would need more details. when you guys talk in person does he have some sort of twitch like a fixing of the shirt or moving his hands or fingers or blushing these signs say he is nervous and likes you. but don't jump the gun as you said, slowly start to flirt with him and see how it goes. If while talking he will look you in the eye but look away or just smile and keep looking then he likes you. also if he tries to get a random hug-like he makes random excuses to get a hug then that's a big sign. That's all I can say for now. please excuse my bad grammar

    • It's tricky for me to say much about details... like I said, I'm bad at seeing these kind of things in the moment, and then in hindsight I wonder if I'm only seeing what I want to see, if that makes sense. Anyway, something that I've definitely noticed is that, when it's us plus his guy friends, he's a lot more "guy like" as opposed to when it's just him and me leaning on the fence talking. Also, it seems like he is always either positioned right near me, or farther away with his body facing me.

  • It seems that he's very interested in you.

    Though, it seems that no contact is still a great obstacle. You should talk it out with him first.


What Girls Said 1

  • Hm. This is pretty difficult. I wouldn't exactly call it flirting, but he's definitely showing interest in you. Whether it's as a friend or as something more, I don't know. Other than wanting to talk to you often, I don't really see any flirting going on. Does he give you compliments? If he does, then that's one step closer to him being romantically interested in you. I suggest you start flirting with him more. Compliment him, break the touch barrier when you meet up by hugging him/touching his arm etc, tease him, make long eye contact and so on. See how he reacts. If he reciprocates your actions, he probably likes you. If he doesn't at all, he's not interested in you that way.

    • Thanks for the suggestions! I really appreciate it... sometimes I feel like I'm the only girl who made it through 4 years of college without learning this stuff, lol xD As to compliments, he doesn't seem like a big "complimenter" in general; if he does, it's subtle, and I've earned it. Like he once told his brother I was going to have to take over organizing harnesses and tack trunks because I did a better job than the brother (we both show horses--that's how we met in the first place).

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