Would appreciate some help and perspective on the confusing situation I'm currently in

I have been with this girl together for a month now, after long hiatus from relationships!

Now, I am feeling really confused and it builds my insecurity even more, as she is not affectionate verbally and it makes me question our status, as I am trying to be affectionate, but I don't reciprocate any verbal affection. Sometimes it just bothers me, because it is nice to hear it from time to time.

I know I am a bit insecure, but this kind of relation status only builds my insecurity. I try not to be clingy, don't contact her, text her or call her every time, we see each odder about two times a week. She always answers the calls, but replies to the texts very rarely, as I try to text only when I set time or the place for the meeting.

As she is like this, I am afraid of smothering her with the affection, but that is just the way I am.

If anyone has any advice, please feel free to run them pass me... Am I looking it too much into it, should I just let be like it is, as she might have that kind of personality... I would talk to her about it, but I really can't tell if that will turn out as "the words of a needy bloke". Maybe she is just secure in the relationship, while I am not!

Thanks a lot for the help and any ideas! By the way, we are both in our late 20s.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah man, you just need to let the relationship run its course. It is a little early on to worry about all that. You are at the point of getting to know each other and still deciding if it's going to be a long term commitment.

    Some women get spooked when a person tries to get too close to fast. The last girl I dated was all about fun and exclusiveness, but she didn't want things to get emotional at all. In the end I broke up with her so I could find a better match for myself. Not always the easiest thing to do, especially with her, because she was probably the hottest girl I have ever dated.

    What it comes down to is you just have to talk to her. Ask her what she is looking for. Let her talk, and just listen. From that you can decide if she is really the woman to make you happy. Or if you need to find someone more along your emotional lines.

    If she isn't the girl for you, just remember self confidence goes a long way in relationships, especially early on. Do yourself a favor and buy the book "The Plan" by Tony Clink. You can pick and choose what you want from this book, some of it I thought was nonsense, like the subconscious plants. But the rest is pure gold. I went from being intimidated by dating, to dating and usually sleeping with a new woman every few weeks to months. After I had my fun, I used what I learned to find a relationship that worked for me. Good luck to you.

    • Thanks a lot for the answers! You think it would be wise from my side to ask her about it and / or how she sees the relationship? Or should I just let go some time to pass for the relationship to develop, so we can both see where / how it goes?

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What Guys Said 2

  • You're looking too much into it.

    Start spending quality time with her.

    Make your conversations and communications a lot, and not just twice a week.

  • Work on getting rid of your insecurity. And talk to her about how you feel, you never no what's she is going to say. One thing I do know is women like guys who take charge, meaning (they see a problem and they do something about it.)